Co Sleeping Stopping Help Needed

Hi, T.,

Co-sleeping is NEVER a good idea from the get-go! We learned that the hard way.

You will have to be persistent with this one! EVERY SINGLE TIME he comes to your bedroom, one of you must get up and take him back to his room...EVERY TIME...DO NOT GIVE IN TO HIM. If he cries, etc., tough, let him fuss. He may even cry himself to sleep...in HIS room!

This will take some time & you will both lose sleep, but well worth it in the end. You & your hub need your "space" back; it's long past time.

Good luck!
Pam H.
Westminster, MD

I would not pressure your son. It may make him feel like you are trying to get rid of him. When we have transitioned our kids we do extra bed time rituals with them and read or sing to them in their bed until they fall asleep and then it is not unusual for them to come to our room later in the night. After a while this stops. We have also put them back in their beds once they fall asleep again. At this point though, we are transitioning our 4yr and we just let her stay with us when she comes in--we don't want to get up and haul her in the middle of our sleep. With time I know she will stay all night in her bed just like her siblings do.

I cannot echo AMI G enough: Get the TV out. I know this isn't what you were asking for help with, but as a teacher of eleven years, I can-with experience-say that no good comes from having a TV/computer in a child's room. A lot of bad can come from it, however. I understand your reasoning for doing it, as far as creating a room for your child that is appealing and similar to yours, but I really think that you can make this change without the TV and it will save you a lot of grief in the long run.

I also love AMI G's idea of allowing your child in your room, but in a less appealing way. That way, you and your child will not feel like you are rejecting him, but at the same time he is learning the difference between your bed and his. I would also suggest giving him a heavy dose of verbal positive reinforcement for any time he spends in his own bed. Let him know how proud you are of him.

I admire you for seeking out advice on this topic. Good luck.

When it was time for my girls to stop sleeping with us, I would lay with her in her bed (instead of ours)to get her used to sleeping in there. I did that for a while then I would start leaving her bed b4 she fell asleep. I told her that I had to go clean the kitchen then would be back in just a couple minutes. Usually she would be sleeping b4 I got back to check on her. If not I would lay with her again, to build the trust. It really didn't take too long to get them to go to sleep on thier own.
I let my first daughter go to sleep with the TV. I had another just 20 months apart and needed help (my husband runs a restaurant so isn't home at night) Once she was about to start preschool I decided it was important to go to sleep w/o the tv. Surprisingly it went very well. You might want to think about the disadvantages of sleeping w/ the tv. (although you didn't say that you have it on at bedtime.) We had a routine. We read 3 stories then sang 3 songs. That's it. I wish you well. It will take routine and consistancy. Good luck!

Hi,
First off, I have to plug this :GET THE TV OUT OF HIS ROOM! Kids do not need to start sequestering themselves away from family and parents this young! My nephew has one and wakes in the middle of the night and watches movies and then is a zombie during the day. And who knows what they will turn to on the TV. GET IT OUTTTTT!

OK, sorry, just my pet peeve!
As for the co sleeping, my suggestion is get a blanket and pillow to put by your bed and tell your son he is welcome to come sleep in your room, but you need your bed back now that he is so big and he is welcome to sleep on the floor NEXT to your bed providing he doesn't wake you up. The key is, don't make the spot too comfy for him. After seveal nights (it may take a few weeks since he is so used to being with you) he will probably find his bed much cozier and just stay there. Also, if you could find a way to teach him to fall asleep by himself after a few minutes of cuddle time, he would less likely seek you out to fall back to sleep with later. Best of luck!

A. in Taylorsville, MD
SAHM of dds(6 and 8mo) and ds(4)

My son co slept with my husband and I until he was a little over 2 years old. To get him to sleep in his bed was a lot of work and still a year later he comes in our bed in the morning, about 6 am when daddy wakes up, but usually he does a good job sleeping in his own. I had to lay with him in his little toddler bed every night and at nap time until he was fast asleep then if he would wake in the night I would have top go back and lay there until he was asleep again. There was a lot of waking tin the night but he did learn that he was not going to be coming back to mommy and daddy's bed. I dreaded having to wake up all the time with him and we had a new baby at the time but I will tell you it's worth it. Hang in there and soon you will have your bed back.

My son was five when we moved him out of my bed as well. I talked to him a LOT about it before we did it, and made sure he went to sleep in his bed so he wasn't disoriented when he woke up wondering where he was. The best thing we did, though, was give him a walkie talkie. That way we started out with him talking to us when he needed us. He would ask for us and we'd go to him. Then we talked about it during the day again and moved forward to only using the walkie talkie to soothe him, comfort him, and get him back to sleep while in his own room. Then we talked again until we finally didn't need the walkie talkie anymore!

Good luck!

Oops. Um, when he gets up put him back. Over and over and over. He will get the point....he is FIVE. It might take several nights and some crying, but the only good part about him being so old for this transition is that he can completely understand that he needs to sleep in his own bed just like millions of other children and that mommy and daddy need their own bed back.
Perhaps you could do a 1/2 transition to start w/ by putting him on the floor at the foot of your bed or somewhere in your room. Get him used to being OUT of the bed, but still in your room. But do explain to him that this is just a 1st step for this week only. Next week he goes into his room. GL.

Start on a Friday night. Tell him he is going to sleep in his own room from now on.
Put him in his bed at bed time.
The first time he comes out, give him a hug and tell him, "it's bed time" and walk him back. Do not say anything more than that.
The second time he comes out, no hug. Tell him it's bed time and walk him back.
The third and subsequent times just walk him back to bed. Do not engage him in any conversation. It will take time - at least an hour of this, so be prepared. Both you and your spouse need to do this. It is not fun, but it is what it is.
If you are consistent, the next night it won't last as long and by Monday, he'll be all set.
YMMV
LBC

First thing I would suggest is getting rid of the TV in his room- it can really mess up good sleep habits for kids. Sorry- I just don't think it is a good idea.
As for getting him into his own bed, choose a date, say May 5th (5th month, 5th day, he is 5 years old) and say by this day, ALL 5 year old boys start sleeping in their own bed. Then talk, talk, talk. Discuss it every day, a few times a day, until May 5th rolls around. Make up a night-time routine with your son ahead of time so he knows what to expect and so he has a say in it... bath, pj's, books, bed, snuggle time, then lights out. Do the same thing every night so he knows what is going to happen. This is where the hard part comes in, stick with it. When he comes out, calmly walk him back to bed, even at 2,3, and 4 in the morning. Even if it takes 2 weeks or more don't give in, don't give up. Once you start, you can't stop or go back. He has had 5 years of sleeping with you, it is going to take a little time and energy to get him sleeping on his own. Also consider some kind of reward in the morning after he has slept on his own. My son would do anything for gummie bears or marshmallows, but maybe stickers or pencils or $1 store toys would be incentive enough. Good luck!

I don't think it has to be a battle. You just have to do it gradually. Have you considered putting a crib mattress on the floor in your room to get him used to sleeping in his own bed? He'll still be close, and when he tries to climb in with you, you can gently move him back with "Mommy and Daddy are right here." He may be a bit resistant, but it won't be nearly as traumatic as just dumping him in another room and leaving him to feel abandoned when he's always been that close to you. Eventually, he'll be used to sleeping that way and you can move his mattress to the floor in his room, then move him onto a bed.

Co-sleeping is not a sin.

He's going to be 5 years old in September? Have you tried talking to him and explaining to him that "this is your bed and this is my bed"? Who's making the rules? I guess I don't understand because my kids still randomly come to my room and both need to have us lay down with them for a few minutes after reading books everynight but they pretty much sleep by themselves and always have. Also, I'd advise to get the tv out of the room... aren't there all sorts of problems associated with having a tv in a child's room? Just some food for thought.

Try putting the bed in your room. Have it start there and then work your way to his

Personally I would ask your Pediatrician for assistance.
My 11 year old neice lives with us along with her mother and she will fall asleep in her bed but will get up in the middle of the night and go upstairs to her mother's bed. She's been with her mother since she was born and still sleeps with her. I can't imagine how difficult this is as many have their views on this. I just hope you can fix this sooner rather than later and have an 11 year old sleeping with you and hubby. I disagree totally with someone so old and mature to be sleeping with a parent. I agree, give it a try having him sleep in his big boy bed in your room and then give it a try in his room.
Or reward him when he sleeps in his bed. Allow him to choose a favorite restaurant or if there is an upcoming movie he'd like to see at the theater or purchase. SMALL rewards, and see if he bites.
Sorry I don't have more advice but I'm just going by what I've seen here in my household. And that really isn't much as my sister in law doesn't stick at it because she won't get up and put her daughter back in her bed at night. I'll just leave it at that.
Hang in there!
H.

Hi T.,

As you know, this is now going to be a battle.

You set the rules down and they must be consistently followed.

At bed time, tell him that this is his room and his bed. Help him say his prayers,put him in his bed, read him a bed time story, tuck him in, kiss him good night

When he gets out of bed crying. Repeat to him that it is his room and his bed and it is time to go to sleep.

When he get out of bed crying. Repeat to him that it is his room and his bed and it is time to go to sleep.

The third time, put him in bed and cover him up or not depending if he is kicking and screaming.

Continue doing the same thing until he finally goes to sleep. Every night keep doing the same things

Same routine.

Good luck. Hope this helps. If not, call Super Nanny.

D.