A church is an organization of people. The Bible only says that we're to love one another. How that happens is different for different people. Apparently this church is not providing love in the manner that will make you feel loved. It's just like in a marriage. People have to learn how to love each other.
I urge you to talk with the pastor. Until you say something the people in the church will not know that you are feeling unloved and alone. Because of your involvement I suggest that everyone thinks you're OK. They probably see you as belonging.
It's OK for the hurt and anger to come out. You've kept it locked away for too long. It's essential that we deal with our feelings on a daily basis. If you'd spoken up sooner you would have less hurt and anger. Get it out now and start over.
You need something that you're not getting. Think about what it is that you need. You mention going to the pastors home. Do other people go there? Is it common for him to entertain in his home and you've not been included or is it possible that you feel that he should be entertaining in his home and he's not? Take a look at what the church would be like for you to feel included.
Perhaps some things can be changed so that you feel included or perhaps this church just isn't a good fit. It's possible that you need something that this church isn't able to provide. Talking with the pastor is a good way to find out. Let him know how you're feeling and what you'd like to have happen. What would make you feel included?
Remember that the pastor is a human being and he may not be able to hear and accept what you're saying. He may not be a compassionate sensitive person. So start out your conversation slowly. Don't bare your soul if you find that he's not able to hear what you say. I suggest that if you're not able to share your feelings with the pastor; if he becomes defensive or is not understanding that you may have found the reason you don't feel included. Then you'll know it's time to look for a different church family.
BTW it is normal for church members to socialize more with people they know than people they don't know. It is important, however, to welcome new comers and include them. Over time the new person will become a part of those they know well.
Or are you saying that even tho you have been going to this church for 2 1/2 years and participate that you're a non-member and feel less included? If so, yes there is a difference between a member and a non-member practically speaking. It shouldn't make a difference except in the matter of governance. However, I suggest that it may make a difference in how you feel. You may feel separate because you are not included in decision making. Some of those social events could have included church matters to which you're not a part of.
I have attended churches in which I wasn't a member and did feel like I didn't totally belong. It was my feeling and not the way the people were treating me. I discovered this at one church when they asked me to be a member of the alter society. I realized that they didn't know I wasn't a member. My feelings were my feelings and had nothing to do with the way people thought of me.