Can You Be a Smoker and a Good Mom?

Yes, you can a great Mother and smoke. That woman was completely out of line. What a self rightous b**&^%.

Plenty of great mothers smoke. I smoke, and according to my grown daughter, I was and am a wonderful mother.

I do the same exact thing all the time.
I actually thought I was a good mom for NOT smoking in the car or around my child.
I would have had a few choice words for those moms....guaranteed they would have kept their yappers shut after that ;)

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I smoke. Some of the best moms I know smoke and some of the worst moms I know don't.

I think the woman that made a scene was a self-righteous b*t$h.

I do hate irresponsible smokers.
But then again, I hate irresponsible non-smokers. :)

Of course you can.
I don't think however that you can be a 'hater' and be a good Mom. Women who spew hate the way this one did have a very negative effect on their kids.

WOW - your poor friend - of course you can be a smoker and still be a good mom. I am not a smoker, but I don' t judge others who do smoke. My husband smokes, and he is a great dad!

Screw those biatches........

Yes, you can.

However, smoking is a reckless decision, and sets a horrible example for children. While smoking in itself does not make you a "bad" parent...you are showing your kids very bad decision making. "Hey kids, I know it's going to give me terrible diseases, cut my life short and needlessly take me away from you early, deteriorate my health, put me at risks for diseases I wouldn't get if I weren't smoking...but I like it...so I'm not quitting anytime soon." Um...yah. Not so much a healthy example. I know it's blunt, and you might be offended...but its how I feel.

Smoking stays in your hair, skin, shoes, clothing. No matter what you do, your kids ARE being exposed to second hand smoke. If you have carpet, or rugs they are filters of the smoke that travels with your skin and shoes. it stays there for years, even if you clean your carpet. You are exposing your kids to your addiction. That's completely irresponsible and selfish. I feel terribly sorry for the children of smokers.

I was a good smoking mom. Anti smokers are like anit-fur and anti-meat and anti-abortion people, very opinionated and stuck in their philosophies. No one is perfect and their day of being shunned will arise as well. That's when the little light bulb goes off in their head and they learn to be "tolerant" of others no matter what the vice or circumstance.
Those were a group of bullying moms, probably pill poppers since they arent smokers. Most not smokers I know are on zanax or some other form of anit anxiety medicine..... it's still killing them, it just doesnt leave a smoke signal.

I know dozens of wonderful mothers who smoke. So long as you try not to expose your kids to the smoke, it doesn't make one lick of difference in your parenting.

I also know many HORRIBLE mothers who DON'T smoke...

Smoking does not define a person.

~I am not a smoker, and I do get very annoyed when I see somene smoking somewhere like a park where the kids are playing, or at the entrance to a store where everyone has to walk through... but as long as you are concientious about the people around you, I don't have an issue with smokers.

To rephrase your question...."Can you be a responsible parent and still smoke." Or Can you be a responsible smoker and still parent???

I think it's possible. Smokers are not bad people. Smokers are addicts. They are role modeling addictive behavior to their children.

I absolutely DETEST seeing parents light up around small children, especially in enclosed places, most notorious are cars. I HATE seeing adults driving down the road with little ones strapped in the backseat and the adults puffing away. I wish there was a smoking number to call at those times.

Second hand smoke kills. Ask older generation flight attendants. Ask someone who has already lost a non-smoking parent to lung cancer, who was just married to the smoker. Ask a Pulmonologist.

I have only known a few truly polite smokers who will consistently step outside away from others to light up. Otherwise, if they can crack a window and stand close and feel like no one will notice, they do, and...they are dead wrong. Everyone notices. Especially the non-smokers.

But those friends...they're psycho...I'd stay away from that crowd. They were completely wrong and destructive to attack someone like that. Because in reality, smoking is legal.

I think part of a good mom means setting a good example and being a role model for your kids. Those other moms that reacted that way to your friend are NOT setting a good example by judging someone else and lambasting a total stranger in public to their face. I know plenty of parents that smoke and want to quit but really struggle with it. It is one of the strongest addictions out there and is very hard to break. At least they try to minimize the exposure of their kids to the smoke as much as they can and try to tell them not to start smoking like they did. But if they want to try to set the best example possible, they should do everything they can to try to quit.

My honest and humble opinion.

Of course you can be a smoker, and be a good mom. That goes without saying. My mom smoked/smokes, and she was/is a phenomenal mother, and I couldn't ask for better.

(My thoughts would be different, of course, if the mother is smoking around the kids, in the car, etc. Naturally, that would impact my thoughts on that person being a 'good mother.')

However, there is a selfish component to smoking, in that you are endangering *yourself* and that DOES impact the ones you love, namely your children. I know smoking is addictive, and it's not as simple as just saying, "ok, I'm not going to do it anymore." I know this. But I still feel resentful that my mom (and dad) may be causing harm to themselves with no regard for how the detrimental affects of smoking on them could affect ME, or worse, MY SON who adores them and sees them everyday - we live next door.

I am a smoker and im the bestest mom ever!! I do not smoke in my house or car for respect for my kids and I don't want my house to stink. I love the 3's you don't have to share! Mine would include midol tho! It doesn't make u a horrible person because you smoke. Being a curtious smoker is key imo.

Goodness.

I sure hope those moms never go to the city, or drive their kids in a car, or walk near traffic, or let their children walk near a running car, or get stalled in traffic...if they do, they're not only a mean spirited group, but they're darn hypocritical.

"Motor vehicle injuries are the greatest public health problem facing children today. In fact, they are the leading cause of death among children in the United States."
-CDC

And let's not forget what comes OUT of our cars, in the form of exhaust:
Carbon Monoxide
Nitrogen dioxide
Sulphur dioxide
Suspended particles, PM-10 particles less than 10 microns in size.
Benzene
Formaldehyde
Polycyclic hydrocarbons

Now, let's compare to (no additive) cigarettes:
Tar
Carbon Monoxide
Nicotine

Now, I'm not saying that we should just throw caution (and health) to the wind, or that we should puff away indoors or while we are in close proximity with children. I don't smoke inside, or in the car and I am mindful of the nonsmokers around me. And, unfortunately, driving everywhere doesn't actually excuse my smoking or make me any healthier (darn it!).

But, IMHO, being kind and open to each other, is one of the most important skills to model for our children.

And, to be entirely crude, all of our sh*t stinks the same.

I was at our neighborhood playground once and another family came. All of a sudden, the dad lights up a cigarette. WTH! We were so offended. I don't care that it was outside. Adults (especially parents) should not expose other people's children to second-hand smoke. They shouldn't be leaving their cigarette butts in the playground dirt, for toddlers to pick up (and put in their months, because that's what babies do!). And like it or not, other people's children watch you--all your bad habits influence the children who see it. We didn't say anything to them, but we immediately left.

After a lifetime of smoking, my father died when I was 24. Luckily, he didn't die 5-7 years earlier when I was still in high school. He was a good dad--But let's not kid ourselves: He is dead. He chose to do something that significantly shortened his life. Did I still need my dad in my 20's? I sure did! Smoking may not make you a bad parent, but choosing to die earlier than necessary, leaving your children to walk into adulthood without your advice and guidance, and giving them the example that smoking is ok (because most children of smokers smoke also) are also measures of your parental efforts.

I have never smoked a day in my life but I am appalled by the way those women treated your friend!

I hate it when people light up at the park (c'mon, really, do people HAVE to have a smoke while they are getting ready to catch their kid coming down the slide?), but your friend was in no way endangering her kids! To call someone a terrible excuse for a human being and a terrible mother for SMOKING? Sick. Those women were more toxic than any cigarette.

Of course you can be a good parent and smoke! lol and we are two peas in a pod because your four vices are mine as well! and whoever that lady was that went so called her self going off on the smoker would not have done that to me! She would know better. People who say you cant be a good parents and do all of what you mentioned are those prudes, who have to read every parenting book, and end up on Dr. phil with their kids smacking them,cussing them out, and telling THEM how to be a better parent. lol smoking is the least of my worries. it is what it is! ;D

Yes, I think you can be a smoker and still be a good mom. But it is difficult. First of all, it is not a good example for the kids. Second, it is not good for mom's health, and against trying to be a healthy mom for the kids. Lastly, one needs to be super duper careful not to expose the kids to any second or even third-hand smoke. Which means it is best to only smoke outside away from all living creatures, and take a shower and change your clothes after smoking :-)
Bottom line, smoking is a nasty habit.
About third-hand smoke:
"third-hand smoke—the cocktail of toxins that linger in carpets, sofas, clothes and other materials hours or even days after a cigarette is put out—is a health hazard for infants and children."

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=what-is-...

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/03/health/research/03smoke...

You can definitely be a good mother and a smoker. I definitely question the Moms who bitched out another mom in the presence of their children though. Crazy lady!

I will say that I can not *STAND* it when Moms smoke in the house or right next to their kids. That is irresponsible and reprehensible to say the least. My Mom smoked when she was pregnant with me and I have life-long respiratory problems. She is a wonderful mother and was a wonderful mother my whole life, but I wish she had not done that. When the doctors told her better, she did better.

I went to a family reunion last week and one of my third or fourth cousins, a tiny baby, had to be on breathing treatments ever so often for asthma and allergies. His Mom was nursing him with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth. HELLLOOO?!?! That made me so upset I got up and left instead of making a scene.

I feel so bad for your friend, how dare those other women attack her that way.

Of course you can be a good mom. She wasn't smoking around them or blowing it in their face. I am a smoker and I do not smoke around my daughter. I would tell her that they are ignorant and to forget it. I know easier said then done. Ppl need to mind their own business. She was not around anyone else. Ppl always have to put down what they don't understand. I know plenty of ppl that smoke and have children. That does not make them a bad person unless they have no consideration for others. I get tired of narrow minded ppl. Good luck and I hope that she is feeling better today.

Those other women were not "good moms!" What a horrible example they presented to their children in how to treat other people!
The smoking effects everyone who comes into contact with you. My parents smoked and I just lost half my lung to cancer although I never smoked of my own volition. This week I will find out if it has spread to my breast. How would you feel if that happened to your children? My children could loose their mom because of other peoples poor choices. They sure don't deserve that.
Your children are much more likely to smoke if you do. Plus you may not be around to see your grandchildren. I had to see my mom die from lung cancer. My FIL died last week from complications of smoking although he quit 30 years ago.
I hope you and your friend decide to stop. Not because of how those women treated her or what anyone has said here. But because it is a gift you can give yourself and your family. There's plenty of things you don't have to share with your kids besides those four!
God bless and good luck.

Of course you can be a smoker and a good mother as long as there you are responsible about it (not smoking in the car w/ your kids, not smoking in the house). Listen, we all know the dangers of smoking, and some people just can't stop. But that doesn't in any way make you a bad parent just because you smoke!

Of course you can. I am so sorry this happened to your friend. If you see an obese woman buying ice cream for her chubby child would you walk up and give her what for? Honestly, some people have gotten so militant about the smoking thing and it has become so politically acceptable to berate people for it. It is a horrible addiction and I think most smokers would rather be non smokers but no one deserves to be treated like this. I think your friend should have asked them if they thought publicly berating another person was a good thing for the children to watch and if they think it's possible to be a good mom and be a bully?

I am a smoker and I think a good mom. I tend to not smoke on those days. One day we did go to the zoo, I got hunny and munchkin out of the car told them to go on ahead smoked by the truck then caught up with at the ticket counter, then when they went to go see the snakes (do not do snakes I went to the smoker area and had one met up with them at the exit) .... I do not smoke in the house, I do not bring him into homes where people smoke on the inside, I do my best not to let him see me smoke in general. I think if you can put your kids above your habit then yes, you can be a smoker and a good mom but I do know moms who are questionable in regards to this topic.

I smoke. It doesnt make you a bad mom. But there is a time & place to and not to smoke. I dont smoke in parking lots, with kids around. I feel awkward. I hide my dirty little habit, and do it on my own time. I would pull over and smoke before smoking i that situation.
I think those moms, however, are bring ridiculous and mean. Maybe your friend is better off without their too good & stuck up & rude! attitudes!
People DO drink around kids, socially and more, and I think THATS wrong. Theres lots of things that are right for some & wrong for others. Its whats right for you (or your friend) that matters, not someone elses opinion.

But can a person be a bigot and a good mum? Now there's a question.

you can be a smoker and be a good mom. just the same as you can be a non smoker and be the worlds worst mom. just because you have an addiction to cigarettes does not mean you ignore your children, or chain them to beds or anything that you hear in the news nowadays. i smoke. i try not to smoke in front of my daughter, but that's because i'm planning to quit soon. and she understood i quit before. i love my daughter more than anything in the world. i would never do anything to harm her (ok, anti smokers don't jump on me about the dangers of second hand smoke, i'm well aware of it. but its really no worse than the air in a large city.) i may not be in the running for mom of hte year. but i sure try my hardest. just because i'm a smoker does not make me a bad mom.

absolutely you can. Those ladies were WAY out of line and should be ashamed of themselves. I am an ex smoker and even though i hate being around cigarettes now i realize that most people need to LAY OFF. Seriously, go burn a book or live in a california green oshram or something.

I used to be a smoker. Addicted to it. Quit over 11 years ago and glad I did. Never want to start again and am this time committed to making that true. I don't think what defines you as being a good mom is whether or not you smoke.

I would actually argue that the other moms that were yelling at her and picking a fight with her in front of there children were probably being more of a bad mom than your friend was at that moment. Certainly your freind is not setting the best example by smoking in front of her kids and she knows this. These other moms though, have their own issues that they need to work out. Anger management, intollerance, lack of social graces come to mind. I've never seen anything like this ever happen. Where were these other moms raised? With the apes?

Anyway, you and your friend both know that smoking is not healthy and can cause cancer. I don't need to tell you that. I just want to urge the two of you to really think about it though. When you are young, you don't think something like that will ever happen to you but it can. When you have been diagnosed with lung cancer, you will spend the rest of your time looking at your children and wondering if you will live long enough to be the mom that you want and need to be for them. The treatment for cancer is brutal. It's hard to be a good mom when you are sick like that and possibly dying. I know that you know all this and probably don't want to hear it but it is a different perspective that you may want to consider.

But I do think those other moms were out of line. Give your friend big (((hugs))) for me. Have a good weekend.

That is horrible. I personally don't like being around cigarette smoke, BUT that in no way makes someone a bad person. If you ask me those mom's are far worse and setting a terrible example for their children in being so judgmental and attacking someone they don't know.

My sister smokes, and has since she was 13. She is one of the best mom's and absolutely the most generous person I know.

Wow, I think those other moms were being WAY dramatic & over the top. It's not like she was blowing smoke in their kids' faces. I get being concerned for your child, but that borders on crazy paranoia. Her smoking was not affecting them in any way. I don't smoke, but I don't care if others do, and in fact, I really don't care what others do as long as it doesn't directly affect my family. What others do is their business, and their business only, at the end of the day.

So, no, of course smoking doesn't make you a bad mom.

My cousin is a FABULOUS mom and preschool teacher, and she WAS a smoker until a week ago. She too, had tried to quite many times with various methods. Her kids are 16 and 14, and a month ago she had a heart attack. She quit the next day and hasn't looked back, this is one of the things that makes her such a good mom, as hard as I am guessing it is to quit (obviously, otherwise wouldn't everyone just quit today?), she did it cold turkey and has stuck to it to ensure that she is here for her kids for as long as possible!
I must say I don't understand why you would jeapordize your health and ability to be a mom just because "I don't have to share with my kids." Stick to the cursing and sex, and be here long enough to enjoy your great grandkids :)

To answer your question, yes of course you can. But if you want to be the best mother you can, do not smoke! What kind of example are you setting for your children? Everyone knows that smoking kills and yet you continue to do so? And what about the money that you waste? Of course there are tons of moms who are bad moms and don't smoke or waste their money on purses or other stupid things but don't lie to yourself. No one is a perfect mom but don't tell me that you think its ok to choose to die an early death because you are otherwise a good mom. My husband's mom was a smoker. She loved her kids to death. But she died at 67 and now my husband and his sister have small children and no parents to share that joy with. It is a selfish habit and if you are a great mom then you will quit. A healthy, happy parent is the best gift you can give your child.

Well first I am an adament non smoker but also a polite and gracious person toward other people.
I think your friend sounds considerate and the other moms were totally wrong. I think they went a little nuts. Smoking is wrong but its not doing drugs..its not drinking and driving. Also I see less and less people smoking because I think more people are health conscious. However they "the non smokers" really had no right to talk to your friend like that.
I dont know how I would address it but something has got to be said otherwise they will think they can walk all over her.

I am not a smoker and make sure that my kids think it is disgusting because it is something I never want them to pick up. With that being said - OF COURSE YOU CAN BE A GOOD MOM AND A SMOKER!! HELLO!?!?! For anyone who says otherwise they need to stop off of their high horse. I drink diet coke. Does that make me bad? My parents drank every night when we were growing up, all 4 of my siblings drink what I consider to be too much, but I don't drink but MAYBE 2-3 times a year. And it's one to two glasses at that. Does that make me a bad mom? NO!! If your kids are well taken care of there is no problem with it. I would think a mom smoking with her kids in the car or blowing smoke in their faces etc was a bad example, but not necessarily a bad parent. The ignorance of the lady who yelled at your friend. Really, she sounds SO considerate!! I do hate having to walk my kids into buildings where smokers are all around and we have to walk through it, but it doesn't even sound like your friend does that. WOW!

You can be a smoker and still be a good mom but smoking around children is a no-no in my opinion. It doesn't make her a bad mom, I think it means she made a bad choice in smoking with her kids in the car.

Equally appalling was the reaction from the other parents. Had I witnessed this, I would not have had much of a reaction except maybe "Hm, that's probably not a good idea" but I would never have said a word. It's rude and certainly not my place to.

#1 - She shouldn't care what her peers say.
#2 - If she cares that much and feels like she requires the validation of being seen as a good parent, then she should put more effort into quitting.

(I will say that I get so entirely miffed when people smoke outside the door of daycare prior to going in to pick up their kids. If you want to expose your children to that poison, fine. But if you just absolutely, positively cannot LIVE without that smoke before getting your kids, please do it trapped in your own car with the windows up. Don't stand right outside the front door where kids and babies are going in and out.)

good moms are human and we all have our vises. I knew people who were parents and on crack. so there are a lot worse thigns than smoking. my dad smoked intill i was 11. he gave it up cold turkey when he caught my 3 yr old sister with a (unlit) ciggerette in her mouth trying to be like daddy. my mom always made him smoke outside though.

Honestly, I think smoking is an addiction just like anything else-alcohol, weed, crack, food etc. The moms who treated your friend like that were way out of line. You don't have to like that someone smokes, but you should respect them enough to leave them alone about it. Most people I know that smoke know the dangers and the risks of smoking, its not our job to try and change their minds---if they are consenting adults wanting to smoke, who am I to judge??? I personally am heavily allergic to cigarette smoke-- I grew up in a smoke filled home and got asthma because of it- but I don't knock anyone else for smoking. I think we all have our own crutches in life. I know lots of moms who smoke who are wonderful!!! As long as you are very careful not to smoke around your kids and don't smoke in the house/car etc. JMO.

M

The reaction of those moms in the zoo parking lot was downright silly as well as rude. Your friend wasn't near their kids, or smoking in some confined space, or (I assume) smoking where there was some clear "No smoking" sign posted.

My mom smoked. And she was a great mom and a great person -- to her kids, to her friends, to her coworkers. Her addiction to smoking did not alter her fundamental personality so, yes, you can be a great person and a smoker. A great person with an addiction, because smoking's not a controllable, occasional "vice" like an occasional drink or watching trash TV.

The problem is, great moms who smoke won't be around very long to be moms.

Or grandmothers. My 10-year-old knows grandmother's smoking cost her her dear grandmother when my girl was little and my mom just too young to be unable to breathe.

Even before that, from her early 40s onward, she was ill too often, and too often not at her best, and not able to do all she would have liked to do with her kids, and with her life. Because smoking's damage started early but she kept smoking. Those "I'll quit next week...week after that... next month" ideas stretch out and out until years go by. Sorry if it sounds like a lecture. But as a kid growing up with a mom who smoked, I can testify that it costs the whole family precious years later.

To each their own, my husband smokes occasionally and I think it's irresponsible and makes me mad because of what it's doing to his body so instead of nagging I just made him take out a big life insurance policy, that sort of made it sink in and he won't do it around me and our daughter has NEVER seen him smoke.. I think it doesn't have anything to do with being a good mom but I'm sure you know the health risks and you have to be okay with possibly leaving them without a mom 20 years sooner than you may like if it's something you plan to do for your lifetime (like I said it's YOUR decision) I've just seen the pain of losing someone firsthand and it's not fun.. So NO it doesn't make you a bad mom but it still kinda sucks. But there's a lot of things that hurt your body, everyone's doing it.

"It's one of 4 things I don't have to share with my kids (the other 3 are drinking, cursing, and sex)... "

I do three out of the four of these, I don't smoke. I also don't kid myself that my kids don't know that I do these things, because they absolutely do, whether I do it "in front of them" or not. They are smarter and more perceptive than we often give them credit for.

OK, thanks for clearing that up! That is how i read it! Yes you can but it is difficult because of all the reports of second and third hand smoke. My MIL smokes and she swears she never smokes around the kids but they still smell like stale smoke. We havent witnessed her smoking around them so there is nothing we can do, until we do. But if she isnt smoking around them and they still smell bad...then wow. I would worry about how they smell, your house smells, their reaction to your smoking...etc. If my kids were having a playdate with a smoker i would wonder how my child would not be around the smoke.

It seems like you've gotten responses from mostly smokers, so let me give you my non-smoker perspective.

We all know that smoking is not good for adults. It's not good for the children of those adults either -- through second hand smoke, smoke particles on clothes, lowered immune systems in the parents, long term health problems, etc. So in an ideal world, no one would smoke around their kids (or at all, really). But people make decisions all the time about what bad habits they'll allow, and smoking isn't necessarily any worse than the others. Many people who don't smoke allow their kids to watch tons of TV. Or they feed their kids junk food and soda.

Personally, I don't smoke and don't want my kids around people who are smoking. But does in necessarily mean that your friend is a bad mom because she needs a cigarette before going into the zoo? Nope. Until we're all perfect we really shouldn't judge.

Jumping in here very late, but of course many a mother has smoked and produced children who are creative intelligent and so on and so forth. I would love to say some really bad things here about the woman who attacked your friend like that. The person is sick and it sounds like while she is busy condemning the world about smoking and who knows what else, she will probably raise her blood pressure and drop dead of a heart attack somewhere. She ought to be ashamed of herself acting like that in front of her children. And by the way, I'd say lots of us came from mothers who smoked as people didn't know about smoking's ill effects many years ago. I agree she's a #@$%ch isn't she? And that isn't very nice either.

Of course, you can as long as they are not inhaling any of it !
B. k

Yes you can be a good mother and a smoker. I agree with you it is my only vise and I as well know many people who do not smoke but take pills instead. Is this what our society has come too, hide your secret additions. I also see our youth sadly following the same logic, if you have an addition hide it from the world.

I don't think this its about being a good mom ... these women were reacting (badly) to the situation. if you go to a public place and do something that some people consider "bad" you invite criticism. What if she poured a drink out of view of her children? Dropped trash onto the ground? You know someone would comment. Did she happen to drop the cigarette when she was done and perhaps that helped fuel the fire? Most polite people would not have this reaction. You said your friend defended herself ... wonder what she said. The best course of action is sorry, didnt mean to offend and walk away and get in your car and move to another part of the parking lot.

Updated

I don't think this its about being a good mom ... these women were reacting (badly) to the situation. if you go to a public place and do something that some people consider "bad" you invite criticism. What if she poured a drink out of view of her children? Dropped trash onto the ground? You know someone would comment. Did she happen to drop the cigarette when she was done and perhaps that helped fuel the fire? Most polite people would not have this reaction. You said your friend defended herself ... wonder what she said. The best course of action is sorry, didnt mean to offend and walk away and get in your car and move to another part of the parking lot.

Although I personally wouldn't lash out at a mom, dad, grandpa etc for doing this even though I would want to really bad I don't feel that it is appropriate for anyone to smoke in an area where children would be present publically, Like a Zoo parking lot, or the Zoo, or the Mall, Park, public parking lot etc. In fact in all honesty unless you are in an area wher no one is around within 100 feet I don't think you should smoke. Sure you choose to do something that causes harm to your body but If I am not doing something that causes harm to your body it is rude if you do it by me or my kids. I truley think that many smokers don't see the full picture. (YES you have the right to smoke! I get that, but we have the right to tell you to put it out and you SHOULD put it out if a non-smoker asks or do it on your own property.

I think the women who started screaming at your friend need to take a few classes on empathy and civility. Holy cow! I've never heard of such rude, poor behavior in my life (and I've taught high school for 19 years). I would ask them the question, "can you be a self-righteous [expletive deleted] and still be a good mom?

But, the short answer to your question is yes.