Can I Ground My 22 Year Old Stepson?!?!?

What do you do? ...22 years old and no drive..it is time for him to move out or go to college.

Also under no circumstances do you bail him out of this mess as he will probably have to pay a big fine for leaving the scene of an accident. He needs to deal with all the consequences. Anything else is enabling him.

I was married with a 3 year old by 21. Grounding? NO! Money? Yes!!! No bed here until you pay out the wazoo!

JB is completely right. He has already had his consequences. Kicking him out for an accident that he has already had consequences for is utterly ridiculous. And sometimes leaving the scene is a crock, I got in trouble for that when I wrecked my car once. I wasn't willing to sit in the dang thing in a ditch in January and walked to the nearest convenience store.

Is this a real question?

Of course you cannot "ground him" - he is 22 years old, for heaven's sake. Let him have to pay the ticket and the higher insurance premiums. Let him learn the hard way. He is an adult, let him face society's consequences like any other adult.

And if you are not happy with him still living at home, give him a deadline to get out!

ETA: As for the 25 year old sister also still living at home - just for the record, at 25, I had graduated veterinary school and had already become a practicing veterinarian, had moved out on my own to a whole other state half-way across the country and was paying all my own bills. Mom and Dad had done their part and now it was time for me to do mine. Let them get a place of their own and be roommates for a while to make ends meet. Time to cut the cords.

You really can't ground him.
But, you can stop supporting him :)

Do you pay for anything for him - phone, insurance, gas, car note? If so, then stop. Begin charging him rent to cover a portion of the mortgage/rent you pay, utilities he uses, food he eats.

Basically, it is time to force him to grow up. 22 and living at home is not a bad thing - especially in our current economy. But 22 and irresponsible is a bad thing.

Good Luck.

You can kick him out but you can not ground him.

I don't know that you can "ground" him. Does he drive your car (or registered to you) , is he on your insurance, do you pay his insurance? If so, you can definately penalize him by temporarily suspending his access to you vehicle, make him pay some or all of his insurance, and/or it this is a chronic issue...make him get his own issurance.

Just read your SWH...He is still young and I can see "freaking out" but now that he did, he needs to step up and do the right thing. He needs to pay the fines and reimburse you for the deductible.

You can't ground him, but you can make it unpleasant.

If it were my car, I'd take the keys and tell him he's out of luck. He would CERTAINLY be coughing up the money for the increase in insurance, any fines and any and all repairs. If he doesn't pay rent for his room and utilities and contribute to food bills, he should, and that's because he's 22, not because of an accident. I would NOT bail him out in any way over the accident.

ground a 22 year old?
how would that even work?
you need to get your husband to work with you and make living at home something that actual adults do, ie pay rent, pay a share of the bills, be responsible for his own legal issues, or he can't afford to live there.
no grounding.
khairete
S.

I would charge him a lot of rent, so if he brings home $1000 a month, I would take $700 in rent. Put the $700 away for 6 months & give it back to him to move out.

Maybe him & sis can get a place together.

Sounds like you have your hands full.

He needs to grow up and you must make him. He's 22 and has a full time job. He needs to be paying rent and contributing to household expenses. Why should you pay for everything why he pockets his entire paycheck. Actually, I don't know that you aren't charging rent, but if not, you should. It i for his benefit; he needs to get used to paying bills and budgeting his money. Eventually he's going to have to move out and he will be very glad that you taught him how to be financially responsible. So, start helping him now by charging rent and board and if he doesn't want to pay, he has to go. That's the way of the world!

And do not bail him out of this ticket. It probably won't be a big deal, depending on the circumstances of his leaving the scene, but whatever it is, it is his burden to bare.

Cutting off the DSL and Tv in their rooms is a good start, but they'll watch tv and surf the internet from other parts of the house.
Dad has to be on board with what you are doing otherwise he'll undermine your efforts.
You might have to out right evict them.
Google 'evicting adult children' - it's a legal process and it will vary from state to state.

You let him deal with the ticket like the adult that he is (age-wise at least). He pays the fine, gets points on his insurance, or whatever the legal consequences are and that's it. Hopefully he'll learn from this, but there's really nothing from a parenting perspective that you can or should do.

you let him pay for his ticket. DON'T do it for him.

You can't ground him, but you can give him a date when he has to move out, but only if dad is on board with that solution.

Did you ask him why he left?
He may not have even really left. I backed into a car before and simply drove to the corner (like 3 houses down) to turn around, i did not drive off or leave the scene but I got charged with a "Hit and Run" I was able to fight it seeing as I was there to accept the tickets.
Anyways, my point being, ask why he left the scene. Also, have him pay the tickets or go to court.No extra punishment. He is an adult no need to ground him...he will claim he is an adult and you can't "control" him.

Whatever you provide to them for free, stop. No more free ride. They're freeloaders.

You and your husband need to get on the same page about this or it won't work, but you have to start treating them like adults. They're not children and the way they're being treated (or have been treated) is giving them an extended childhood. What they need is on the job training, so to speak. If your husband doesn't want to kick them out and be the bad guy, you can make it easy for them.

You can print out rental agreement contracts that specify exactly what they're responsible for in the house. It would include rent such as they would have to pay in a one-bedroom apartment including their portion of utilities. It should also include that they do their own laundry, buy their own food, do their own cooking, and be responsible for household chores and yard work. Remove them from the family cell phone plan if they're on it. If they refuse to sign the rental agreement, then inform them it's the same as deciding to move out in 30 days. Include in the rental agreement that if they violate the agreement that will give you the right to evict them within 30 days. If they don't pay you, you will evict them. If they don't do their chores, you will evict them.

And you'll have to follow through.

They'll either comply or when they see you're serious they'll scramble to find their own places ASAP so that they don't have to live under your rules. No more hand holding on the legal issues. No hand holding on college. They're beyond an age where college should be an incentive or held over their heads and definitely beyond the age where you are obligated to pay any portion of their college. You've been paying their way for them to live at home. That could have been money put toward college. Oh well. If they got to college, let them do it on their own now.

I have no problem helping a child get on their feet if they are being productive, respectfull, and pitching in on the expenses and/or chores. That said, you can deal with this today or you can continue on like it is , mind you, he will continue on as long as you let him. Ok, he made a mistake and freaked out. Now he is responsible for the deductible, not you and any expenses incurred. That is what learning is about. Pay up or don't use the car. College is not for everyone but if he chooses not to go, he had better have a plan. . .That does not include sponging off dad for the next umteen years. Like I said, it is not a problem to help kids if they are struggling, it is a problem to make it a way of life!

Let the law deal with that stuff. Start charging for rent and everything else he uses. Treat him like an adult who is a tenant in your home. If he wants to do his own thing, he can move out.

Time to teach them that as adults they have responsibilities. if they are not in school, then they owe you rent to pay for food and utilities. They will do their own laundry AND pay for their own insurance. Give them a deadline to either be in school OR out on their own say 6-9 months. Now is the time or they will be there until they are 30. My sister has allowed her two adult daughters to stay. One will be 30 next month- UGH!

I would make him pay the deductible & also for his own insurance, car, cellphone. If they want satellite or dsl in their room then make them pay a portion of the bill. Give each kid a utility to pay. If they were on their own, they would have to pay ALL of them! Tell them this way they are contributing towards "household expenses". Oh & make them pay for all of their own maintenances on their cars. Legal expenses too. Why not? If they were living on their own, they would have to anyway. If they dont like it, then they can move out!

He's 22 -the "grounding" days are long gone! If he has a full time job, perhaps he should have his own place. I'm sure he owes a hefty fine plus his insurance is going to go WAY up. After he pays for that, he'll likely be much more careful.

Well, I'm not sure grounding even makes sense for this issue... and... he's 22 years old... and you're his stepmom. I'd say no, even if you SAID he was grounded, how could you enforce it? He has to go to work. And really, it isn't like he needs your permission to be out of the house so revoking permission doesn't work.

You can, however, take the keys to his car if it's yours, and not help him get out of trouble for the accident. I'd say those two things will have more impact than grounding, anyway.

you can try grounding him but I think all it will get you is a laugh in the face.

In this case ... let him pay the ticket and deal with any other consequences of leaving the scene of an accident on his own. Will be the better that way.

I think you and hubby need to have a conversation. I'd never deal with my kids living at home at 22 and 25 unless some serious circumstances forced it. Not WANTING to do better is not okay.

By 22 I was married with 2 kids. By 25 I had been married for 4 years, had 3 kids, and built my first home. There is no excuse for what they are doing.

I am 28 now, so I'm not too much older than they are. My 25 year old brother lives at home with my parents and it annoys me to no end. He has PTSD (two tours in Iraq), but he needs a push to get the help he needs.

sometimes it would be better if you could right??? crazy. Obviously he is not that bright when it comes to car accidents. Wow good thing no one was hurt cause if so, that would have brought on more serious charges.

you only can if he depends on you/his father for things.. if he has a job and pays for his car & insurance and has his own spending money for food or whatever else its going to be really hard because u cant take away things that u have no right to.. like others have said though u can make things unpleasant for him to be there... make him pay rent if he doesnt already.. or if he doesnt already pay for it make him pay the insurance/ car from now on if he wants to use it

Let him feel the pain of the consequences of his actions.
He can do it now.....or down the road....might as well be now, right?
But I do think your husband needs to be on board with this plan.
Good luck!

Was your stepson required to face the person that he injured? Whether there was a physical injury or property damage, he caused damage to a person's life. He must face the person he injured and then abandoned. Looking someone in the eye and saying I am sorry is a responsibility. Do you believe your stepson has compassion for other people?

Your adult son is too old to be grounded, but he is the perfect age to learn some of life's lessons the hard way. I think being arrested for stupid behaviour is a right of passage for about 75% of young men, myself included. Punishment should be reserved for when your adult child breaks the rules of living in your household.

You can't ground him but I assume you can take some kind of driving related assistance away...like insurance in his name from now on. That's a good start.

I think you need to give the adult children a deadline to move out, and do not cosign anything! Get them off your car insurance right away. They aren't in high school anymore. I would be livid about paying that 500.00. I had a stupid accident when I was 16. My fault. My Mom's car insurance premiums went up 20.00/month. And I had to pay HER that 20.00 each month out of my part time job money. Why do YOU have be out the 500.00? That is not right. If he doesn't have the money now, she should be paying it back to your on a regular basis.