Calling All Baseball Parents

I pay my children to play well also. I do not give an allowance nor do I pay for chores. The only money my children earn is through the sports they play and report cards. This is their "job". We no longer play baseball, but for soccer and water polo I pay for a goal and an assist. I pay for an assist so that my children will look for who can make the best shot and not become a ball hog. We pay $1 for each. Remember, if you start out high and they get really good you could be forking out a lot per game. My husband also is allowed to fine them for poor sportsmanship and bad attitudes. With grades I pay $1 for a b+ or b and $3 per A on their report card. Straight A's earns you 2 extra dollars for an even $20 report card. However, I also fine you for grades below an 85.
-$1 for 80=84 and -$5 for 70-79

Children like to feel that they earn their money. We then encourage our children to do the following with the money they earn. 10% goes to church, 10% goes into their savings account, the rest can be spent, but I try to encourage them to decide on something they really want and save until they can afford it. I don't usually just give them the money, I keep a running tally on how much I owe them so that when they are ready to purchase something they have money.

It is a very good way to teach responsibility with money.

hi S.,

Okay here is my take on the whole matter. If a child receives money weekly or monthly for chores that are done around the house, would your husband say that too is not okay since only house keepers, and maids are paid to clean. LOL Or for instance, we pay our children for bringing home good grades on their report cards. $5.00 for each A, and $2.50 for each B. My husbands take on that is, school is our children's only job right now. The only thing they have to do is learn. If they are learning it will show in the grades. So we pay them for a job well done.

I feel incentives are like blessings. When you do good things in life Heavenly Father blesses us in ways that make us feel rewarded. And when we mess up in life we have repercussions. Or consequences for our actions. I my opinion paying your child as an incentive to do well at games, is okay for now. He is still small and still learning. However, rewarding him with things other than money may be something to move towards sooner or later so that your child doesn't "learn" that money is the only motivator.

Has your husband been to the games? Has he seen the difference your "incentive" makes? I like the idea. In this day and age where kids are getting obese, I love the idea that a few dollars works over an ice cream or candy treat.

I am sure you can take a bit of a stand on this issue and tell hubby that both professionals and college kids play because they love the sport and that they already have the confidence and experience it takes to succeed. Tell him that it is your job as a Mother to let your son try new things at the same time teaching him to try his best (with whatever method works) so that he will grow into a healthy and athletic boy instead of a lazy couch potato. I think you should just stick to your guns...maybe talk with your son about how important it is to always try his best, not just when he is getting money. Good luck.

Hi S.,
My son has been playing baseball since he was 7 yrs old. He is now 15 & a freshman in high school where he was on the JV team. My son loves the competition of the game - he actually seems to thrive on it. As to why your son does not play well during a game, I wonder if maybe he likes the game but does not like the competitive side of it. My son went to school with a boy whose mother said many times that her son really liked the social aspect of the game more than the game itself. This boy didn't care if he was in the game or not, he just liked being with his friends. Your son may also be nervous because people are watching. I don't agree with bribing him because then he will begin to expect it & if that's the only reason he is trying to do good, then maybe he really doesn't want to play as much as he is letting you think he does. I know he is young, but if he really loves the game you should not need to motivate him with bribes. Also, when you are practicing at home, it is probably fun for him. He may not be doing good in the games because he knows how much YOU want him to do well & that may be putting alot of pressure on him. Don't make a big deal about him not doing well in the games & see if that makes him more relaxed & then his game will improve.

C. H.
www.candlesarelove.com

Both my boys play baseball, the oldest (9yrs old) for about 3 yrs. We do not use the money incentive. Baseball is their reward for making good grades and behaving in school. It is a sport that they really enjoy and that they are pretty good at. We provide lots of words of encouragement and focus on what they did well not on how many balls they missed. My oldest still gets very nervous when he is up to bat, and many times he has struck out. He has mention to us that it is very difficult to concentrate when everyone in yelling out his name. My youngest on the other hand had a little trouble with the yelling, but now he is hitting consistantly. Also, we have ice cream sundaes at home on game day whether they win or loose, whether they hit the ball or not. We do not have ice cream any other day of the week. Hope this helps. Blessing.

My almost 8 yr old has been playing since he was 4. He really enjoyed t-ball, but has now moved up to the rookie league. Being that he now has to hit from a pitching machine or coach pitch, this season has been really intimidating. In t'ball his team would win almost every game. This season they are next to last in the stats. He's more nervous than before and confidence level has dropped tremdously. In the beginning of the season I would offer him $$ incentives for hits, homeruns and catches. My husband didn't like the idea either, so I stopped. He did better with the offerings though. My husband said that he shouldn't have to bribed to be motivated. Some are naturals, but for those who aren't and really love the sport and want to play may just need a little more incentive or confidence booster. You're not alone!

hey since you husband has the problem with it let him chose what he thinks would be far. for most part kids need something to look forward to with what ever they do i do the same thing with my 5 year old he loves the game but we just add a little incentive to help him if you think about it we all look forward to something no matter what we do so dont back down your doing the right thing just ask his father what he may want to do for your son he may just feel left out. J.

My son is 7 and playing coachpitch for the first time, so he, too, was struggling a bit at first. I would never offer him cash, no matter how good a motivator it was. I can't tell you how important it is to have a positive coach who is in tune with his players. He is a motivator for all the boys, giving the less-experienced ones firm but positive pushes to do better all the time. He pays attention to all of them, which can be a rare thing. Pay attention to his play, praise his strengths and offer advice for improvements. My son realizes that I'm not just "there", but also watching and noticing what he does, which makes a big difference. I, too, played softball for years, and I can't tell you how impressed he was when he realized I "knew" what I was talking about, that I wasn't just talking at him! Wow! Imagine that, a MOM who new how to play! My son went from mostly strikeouts to 3 singles in his last game, all with instruction and praise from his coach and us. No cash, but we've had a couple celebration dinners at favorite restaurants, and some special desserts I make at home esecially for his hard work.....He's loving this baseball season more than I ever thought he would!

Hi S.,
I have a son that has played ball since he was 4 years old and is now 12. Started in T-Ball. When he moved up we experienced this similar situation when he would get up to hit since it was the kids pitching to each other, as apposed to the coach or machine. He was scared the kids were going to hit him when they pitched. That may be what your son is experiencing especially being his first time to play on a team. The money thing is not a bad thing if that is what motivates him and just keep giving him positive encouragement.
Now when you are having to go get a loan to pay him, you might want to let him know that he is now longer going to get paid, that now he is playing for the love of the game and not the money. LOL
He will get more comfortable and you will start seeing an improvement. By the way, be careful of how coaches deal with these situations. You have some very competitive dads out there that can be demeaning. Not all of them, but they are there.
I hope this helps some. It sure is fun watching them. We play select ball now.
Good Luck to your son.

My son is also in little league. We don't pay him for trying his best but I think it's a great idea!!

What so bad about teaching your child that to earn things in life you have to givew 100%. Chores, good grade and yes even doing well in baseball I think deserves some $$! Of course I would add the stipulation that even if you lose or strike out you have to keep a good attitude and be a good sport. I think being a good sport is extremely important and may deserve some $$ too! We also encourage team spirit, encouraging your team mates even when they get out or strike out. All the kids on my sons team cheer for each other and we think it's so cute!!

I understand where you husband is coming from because you want your kids to do the right thing and do their best without expecting to be paid, but I think at a young age the incentives help them to realize the benefits of making good decisions!

R. :0)

MOtivation is great, and now and again everyone needs some, but I will have to agree with your husband on this one. Since this is your first year for your child to be in organized sports, you will soon find that not all parents have the same motives.Most of us want our children to learn the responsibility of being part of a team, learn skills, and also get some exercise. Other parents, and coaches, are in it for their own glory and will do,or pay, whatever it takes for their child or themselves, to be the star. Anything from bribing them, to paying for private lessons. I beleive children should be rewarded for putting forth their best effort, which does not always include winning. A snowcone is a great reward, but giving children payouts is not an age appropriate reward. I had this conversation with a group of parents recently. One parent said her children do not get allowance for doing their household chores. It is simply doing their part in the home as a member of the family. Children should learn that you don't always get rewarded, or paid, for helping or doing well.Kindness, and the will to succeed, comes from within and is not sincere if it is done with expectations of payouts. Can anyone really put a price on a hug, an "i love you", a "that a boy, great job"? Compassion from others, and loving what you do and being proud of your work, is a feeling that we have that should not be taken away, or reprogramed in our children's minds, as something that cen be replaced with the amount of a dollar.

You're not doing anything the other parents aren't doing. My husband is president of our baseball league and we have dads offering their kids $100 if they hit it over the fence. Offer him the cash incentive so he tries hard, that will inturn improve his game skills. Your husband says he doesn't like the $$$ deal, but I bet he felt proud when your son came through for the team!

The following answer is from my almost 22yo Marine (in Iraq). I hope it gives an insight from an "actual" little leaguer.
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Well as a former little leaguer I can say that I always loved candy, so instead of using money as a direct incentive, use candy, like candy bars or small candys. You can also try by giving him little freedoms. Such as staying up late, spending the night at a friends house. You need to try and put yourself in a little kids eyes. What would you like besides money? You should also try and convince your son that there is nothing different between practice and a game. He needs to have fun in both activities, and maybe he feels pressured to play above his capabilities. I remember feeling that pressure from over zealous uncles who wanted to make me a pro ball player at the ripe age of 8. So I can understand what your son might be feeling if your husband is pressuring him. Dont forget to keep in mind it is just a game and this is all for FUN.

Wow. What is this world coming to when parents start bribing their children to play. I mean, really?

I'm in complete agreement with your husband--this is the worst idea I ever heard and children should not be paid to play sports. By age 8 a child is more than capable of motivating himself if he's doing something he wants to do. It sounds as if your son just isn't interested enough to do better than he is--since the bribe did get him to perform better--but if he's content with what he's doing then let him be. I seriously doubt most of the parents bribing their children are doing it for their children's sakes--those are the parents who live through their children's accomplishments and feel that they (and the lack of them) reflect on the parents. And that is so sad I don't have words for it.