ADVICE NEEDED
I realize this is a U.S. based site, I live in Canada, Alberta. Still advice would be really help us.
My Bestfriend (also lives in Alberta) has recently (week ago) split with her boyfriend. They were together for over 3 years but have been living together for just under 3 years. Her now ex has a job out of town at 10 days away, 4 days home.
It was agreed upon that when they moved in together, in a new city that she would assume the "house wife" role and not work, while he worked, allowing her to be completley available to him the alternating times he was home. With this move also came 3 children from a previous marrige to which she has primary custody of. The residence they shared is a rent to own property to which he informed her it would be best for them if her name was not the final paperwork because of her bad credit score -curtosy of her ex husband.
-January 2012 she attended the local college to take upgrading courses that would allow for her to seek employment after completing, because her children were getting to an age where her constant presence would not be required as much.
-November 2012 she was victem to a reckless driver and suffered injuries that inturn caused setbacks to the back surgury she underwent from a previous car accident that she was victem to prior to her enrolling in college.
Because of these injuries and damage to the pre existing injuries she has not been cleared by a doctor to continue in school or gain employment.
Here's the problem, because the live-in relationship is less than 3 years, they are not classified in a common-law marrige.
Yesterday several things happened.
1). He has informed her that she needs to vacate the residence by the time he returns home next Thursday (7 days).
2). He withdrew all but less than $300 from their joint bank account, taking away multiple but less than $5000. - She withdrew the rest.
There are other bits of information that should be said.
-"Her"Car.
Can she keep it?
5 months prior to them moving to the new city he decided that they needed to boost his credit rating and they traded in her car (that she had less than 3 years owing on), for a "like new" car in his name. He also has a truck in his name that was/is left with her while out of town because he is provided with a company vehicle.
- Joint Bank Account
Including checking, savings, and credit card. Both have contributed to this account.
-He provided bi-monthly paychecks.
-She contributed child support from her ex-husband, living allowance provided by the government while attending school and monthly government child benefit checks.
-All house payments were made from their joint checking account on post dated checks signed by her.
-All bill payments were made from her debit card through her online bank account.
Advice Needed.
Does anyone think she has a right in some way to the house and "her" car
Does anyone know of what type of organizations could assist her if infact she and her 3 children will be homeless in a week or where she can look to find assistance.
Anyone else experience this situation, what did you do
Thank you for all your advice, she has contacted legal aid and explained the situation and is waiting for a response.
No, this is not about me,
I had to deal with a similar situation a couple years ago and have learned my lesson with guys- never again lol
*For the record he is not physically abusive, emotionally however, thats a different story.
No, she has no rights. She didn't bring in magic money that she could spend and it was still there, it was meant and used for her support and that of her children. She accounted for 4/5 of the household expenses, not him. He was pretty much paying for the home and car.
She still has her child support and government allowance, she needs to move and move on.
She does need a lawyer. I don't think she should leave. She has children and there isn't enough time to prepare to leave.
I hope that Canada has some laws to protect her. I'm very sorry she was willing to allow this very one-sided and imbalanced relationship.
It's kind of hard to give advice not knowing Canadian law but I'm pretty sure he can't just kick her (you?) out in 7 days. If it was me I would just refuse to leave until I had secured other arrangements. What's he going to do, call the cops? press charges? It's her home too. Even if he has legal grounds to evict her it takes time, certainly more than a week.
<sigh> Yet another woman living with a man without the protection of the laws of marriage. I just can't imagine putting myself or my children in such a precarious and vulnerable position. I feel sorry for the kids most of all, they sure didn't ask for any of this, what a mess :-(
Since we (or at least I) don't know Canadian law, we really can't give much advice other than for her to seek advice from a lawyer. If Canada does not recognize "domestic partnerships" she may be screwed.
Lesson ladies - NEVER put all your eggs in some guys basket, especially if you have children. ALWAYS be able to take care of you and yours!
When I lived with my daughter's father, the rental agreement, car, bank accounts, etc., were ALL in my name alone. When I decided to leave, all I had to do was get in the car. It was mine; the money in the bank was mine; the security deposit on the apartment was mine. Made starting over soooo much easier!
She needs a lawyer. Today.
She probably has now ownership rights to anything that is clearly solely in his name.
That being said, since she has been living in the house (and especially because she's been making monthly financial contributions) she is a TENANT. He can't evict her with 7 days notice, and he may not be able to evict her without cause. She needs to check the tenant laws in your area.
Also, since they were both making contributions to the joint account, she may have some recourse regarding the money he withdrew. She should be able to pull account details (a statement as of today) showing the deposits and withdrawals. If she can clearly show what she contributed, she should be entitled at least to that amount.
The car is his. He was letting her drive it. But since she traded in HER car for it, she should get the paperwork showing the trade-value that was applied to the purchase. She may be able to get that money.
Their agreement for her to assume the housewife role, doesn't really entitle her to anything, especially since her children aren't HIS, so it isn't like caring for them was her contribution to THEIR family.
As for organizations to help, she should call her local women's shelter. They will be able to help her or point her toward an organization that can. They should also be able to refer her to a lawyer experienced with these kind of domestic issues.
Good luck.
T.
Wow, what a jerk.
First of all, I'm pretty sure he can't tell her to "vacate" in 7 days. She should just tell him, no, I'm not vacating until I find a job and a place to live. I can't speak for Canada, but in the U.S. a landlord can't easily kick someone out, if the person refuses to go. The landlord has to give at least a month's notice.
She needs to refuse to leave, until she is good and ready, not buckle under this a-hole.
If she has really contributed a lot of money to this situation, which it sounds like she has, she probably needs to get an attorney.
It will be interesting to hear the other responses who know more about the legal process. She never should have allowed him to put everything in his name and control the money.
She needs a lawyer right away. This is why I always stress to woman to never allow their name to not be on things, my name is on our house, both cars, even my husbands motorbike that I don't know how to ride, even though I am a stay at home mom with no income at all. Since she has contributed she may have some legal claim, but the fact she allowed him to put it all in his name will hurt her. She needs a lawyer ASAP. Many will do a consultation for free and will allow for a payment plan if she retains them.
She doesn't have the legal right to anything that is not in her name. She needs to talk to an attorney to find out what she can do. I suggest that she is able to stay in the house until she finds some place to go. What is he going to do? Set her and her kids out on the street, literally.
I suggest that she go to a woman's shelter and ask for help, assuming Canada also has shelters. She needs to take action now so that this drama doesn't continue. She and her kids can go to a shelter where they have someone to help her make plans and access community resources.
An attorney can tell her if she has legal recourse to recover anything not in her name.
In Oregon, if she were considered to be a renter, he would have to go thru a legal process to evict her. I doubt that forcing this would be in her and her children's best interest. I suggest that she try to reason with him to allow her more time to get moved. Put aside her hurt and anger and focus on getting his agreement with logistics.
Also, in Oregon, the police would not get involved in this situation. It's considered a civil matter. Even the laws concerning rentals is civil.
BTW: you're using the CA postal code. All foreign countries also have postal codes. Does the one for your residence not work? Did you try it?
She needs a lawyer, but I can't imagine that her childrens' money from child support payments can be considered income. Anything she received as government assistance should have been kept separate. It sounds like the majority of the money in the joint account was his money, so the money he took out rightfully belonged to him anyway.
Honestly, I wouldn't fight it in this particular situation. I would be grateful not to be married nor to have legal ties to this guy. I would be grateful not to have children with him. I would do whatever it takes to get out of there and cut all ties immediately, including closing that joint account or at least getting her name off of it. Whatever her name is on with his jointly or whatever he has access to? Needs to close. Move in with friends briefly or a womens' shelter or family. Go to retailers and ask them for their cardboard shipping boxes that they receive shipments in so that she can pack her stuff and just store it.
There is no way, any help type organization or government assistance processing... can be done in 7 days. Which is her deadline to vacate, and this is "his" deadline for her to vacate.
Plus she has 3 children. Not his.
Plus, he took money from "their" joint account.
And they don't qualify for common law marriage designation.
He probably knew, of this 3 year law. Because they've been living together for JUST less than 3 years. And he made it so that nothing is in her name. But the joint account, they both contributed to it.
Does she have proof, that she ALSO contributed to the money in the joint account? This is the least of her problem.
Then, her name is not even, on the house. Only his. But she, signed all checks paid to the Landlord.
Then, she "contributed" her child support checks from her ex-husband, to this Ex Boyfriend of hers. But those are her, kids, and their, child support, money. It is not her Boyfriend's money.
Does her Ex-Husband... know all of this?
Does he not have, joint or whatever custody of them too?
She needs a Lawyer.
Who knows what the laws are.
She needs to find herself someplace to live... friends, maybe a church can help her, a women's shelter, etc.
She has to see what is in HER country, that provides help.
Who knows if she has any rights to anything/any belongings.
All of this, is legal, matters.
But she has to act quick.
Can she arrest him for anything?
Is he abusive?
What about her Ex, the one that she has 3 children from?
Does she get alimony?
Does she have joint custody with her Ex, from those 3 children?
that is another whole legal issue.
No one here, can even know what to do.
Whatever laws there are there, who knows.
She needs a lawyer who can answer all her questions.
My only advice would be for her NOT to leave!! The 7 days is NOT enough time considering he left her with only $300?!?! No WAY!!
She needs legal counsel.
She needs to not be dating and living with someone in the future and not out her children in this type if situation.
I hope she realizes that her children should be her priority instead of her bf or relationships. He children do not need exposed to this. She's setting them up for failed relationships by her modeling it.
What about her ex? Child support? I hope her ex does not use this against her to take away her custody. Her children need stability, not a mom or dad more interested in having a bedroom partner.
I'm sorry if I sound blunt but I come from a divorced family and my mom was more interested in her sex life and relationships than being the mom she should have been to her children.
Wowsa. She needs a lawyer ASAP. Most of us don't live in Canada (there are a few, maybe they will answer) and have never been under these circumstances. Please tell her to consult a lawyer as soon as humanly possible.
If she will end up homeless, have her call women's and family shelters in her area. Does she attend a church? If not, many will still help her. Unless he calls authorities, or she will be in physical danger...she can stay until she finds housing.
So sorry for your friend :(
This is a crappy situation for your friend, but unless Canada has very different laws from the US, there's very little she can do. She can perhaps have legal aid help her get back some of the money that was in their joint account. And perhaps negotiate with the ex-boyfriend about buying the car from him. But if it's all in his name, and they hadn't yet hit the common law marriage date... she's stuck. The fact that she signed the checks and contributed to the rent doesn't give her any rights to the house. Same for the car. Sorry.
As for vacating the house... he can probably legally tell her to do that since they don't have a formal rental agreement between the two of them. But it's hard to evict someone, so if she decides to stay until she finds a new place, he's stuck dealing with it or calling the police. She might have to weigh her chances of that happening -
She may not "own" the home, but it is her residence.
I don't think he can "notify" her to vacate.
She can ask local police about that first.
She definitely needs to talk to an attorney.
There really aren't any common law marriage laws on the law books anymore. So many states have done away with them since they were set up for the older pioneer type times when the preacher would come around a couple of times per year. The couple would move in together and tell everyone they were married. When the preacher came around he officiated it.
My daughter was living with a guy, had her first child with him too. He owned a club and she didn't have to work. They filed taxes as married with 1 child. They got back tons of money too. When he kicked her out she found out that the common law marriage law in Oklahoma had been done away with years before. There was nothing she could do.
