Believing in Your Self vs Reality.

Congrats on getting this far!!

A friend of mine that is a writer and artist just recently self published her books. She also did her own cover art for the books. They are on Amazon/Kindle and just recently made it to Barnes and Noble. She has also been able to get her book into local bookstores. She is fortunate to live in Austin, TX where there still are local bookstores. She has done a lot of her own marketing and publicized her book signings at these stores and libraries in the area. It has been a lot of work for her, but she got impatient on waiting for someone else to publish her books.

(Jumping up and down) OMFG! SOOOOOO cool! If they don't accept it, THEIR LOSS!

Ahem, anyway everyone already KNOWS the reality, everyone KNOWS how difficult it is to be published, you don't NEED to keep pointing it out, duh!

What you NEED is to learn to receive well wishes graciously and stop downplaying yourself.

And when you figure out HOW, please let me know.

Cuz here's me:

Teacher (coach, administrator, priest, neighbor, relative, etc): Wow, your kids are awesome! I have never met a more balanced (happy, smart, successful, focused, kind, generous, blah blah blah) kid than your (insert any of the three of them here). You must be SO proud!

Me (shrugs): Yeah well dunno how THAT happened, must've been switched at birth or something.

At any rate, modesty and firm grasp on reality are GOOD things.

Just not to the extent that you're like Eeyore.

Fingers crossed.

:)

Well, that's your mom's JOB is to be over enthusiastic, you're her baby! I'm like that with my kids too, dancing on the tables over the possibility of the great things they can do. Of COURSE she thinks you're aswesome!

I think you've got a good grip on the reality of it. I think I would (in the future) just not tell anyone until it's all said and done, that way you don't have to listen to them telling you that you "don't believe in yourself." Would they tell someone trying to break into the acting business in Hollywood that every time they have an audition? I doubt it.

Alternatively, if your work does NOT get published by this company, you do have the option of self-publishing on a site like Amazon!

Publishing has very little to do with reality. Very few people write best sellers, most write OK books and then it comes down to marketability, not talent.

I would be annoyed because it isn't about believing in yourself, it's about understanding the nature of the publishing industry.

They're just saying it because it's the thing to say. I mean, when you say "it probably will be rejected" what are they supposed to say. "Oh, yea, you are right, it probably won't work out." They're just being supportive. Even your mother asked when she can buy a copy, she's also just being supportive. Next time they say "just believe in yourself" say, "I do believe in this! That's why I sent it to the publisher."

And don't tell people next time. I've also learned this lesson. My husband and I make plans and change our minds often. I've stopped telling people what we are up to until tickets are bought, so to speak.

"Believing in yourself" should mean recognizing your own capabilities. It's the reason you sent your book to the agent. You didn't claim you were the greatest gift to the publishing world. You did think your work had good qualities and was worth the risk of submission (which takes great courage). You believed it *might* have a chance in this competitive field, and you were willing to go ahead and take that chance. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Some people talk about "believing in yourself" as if it were some magic phrase that should get you what you want, if you say it frequently enough and loudly enough. There is no reality to the magical phrase theory.

You might choose not to talk too much about your book at this point. If anyone questions you, you could say, "I'm still waiting to hear about it. Thank you for asking."

You could cut your Mama some slack, though. At least, I'd say something like that if one of my kids submitted a manuscript, even though I know a bit about publishing!

It's not a matter of believing in yourself. It's a matter of knowing the industry. I think that you're being realistic which is a good way to be. You do believe in yourself. I'd ignore them. I'd tell them to stop with the criticism. And after doing that once, if what they're saying still bothers you, I'd walk out of the room if they brought it up again.

Yah, being realistic is not always understood by others.

When I was nominated for a wonderful award, I achieved the level of semi-finalist, submitted a final entry, and received a follow-up phone call to thank me for my work, however, I would not be going on to the finalist round. I fully understood that I was privileged to be nominted and get to that level, and that the judgements of others is subjective and not directed negatively at me. In a way, I found the process a little like a scholarship (beauty) pageant, with someone who has one set of ideas, judging me with mine. So without missing a beat I thanked the called, laughed a little, and said: "Darn, I just bought the swimsuit!" The poor caller had no idea what the goodness I was referring to!

So I applaud you for your talent and work ethic, congratulate you for having the book read by a company, and realize you know that whatever happens, it's not a judgement on you. When folks are happy for you, tell them you have already achieved your dream..... you ARE a writer! And perhaps you'll get to buy that swimsuit!

My reality is that I do believe in myself.

I write also, but I write screenplays, even harder to break into. I recently joined a writer's group on meetup.com, in my area. We get together and read and critique each other's work. Helps to tighten up the story. As writers we know where the story is going but the reader does not. Having other writers read your work may help you more than you know.

Yeah, I love the people who think that if you believe it, it will come true. Just wave your magic wand, and anything can be yours! Bahahaha!

I think your approach is pragmatic. You're hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst. There's nothing wrong with thinking that way. I'm a business owner, and I know for a fact that the nature of business is that you HAVE to be able to both hope for the best, and plan for the worst. Nobody anywhere was ever successful without being able to simultaneously do those things. Just having an agent ask to see your manuscript is GREAT (!!!); however as you know, having your book published is not at all dependent upon how much you believe in yourself. People who think otherwise have been brainwashed by our culture of self-esteem (i.e. "This will happen because I want it to, SO MUCH!" - umm, the world doesn't care what you want!).

Congrats on your success so far! It is AWESOME that an agent asked for your manuscript! I hope we will all be able to buy your book soon. :)

I think people just say stuff like that b/c they really don't know what to say. This sounds like what they "should' be saying. It would really annoy me too though. I would probably not tell anyone about it anymore.

no, I myself have given up. There-I even ended a sentence in a preposition-I want to die!

You sound very wise. Just a little frustrated with other's innocent remarks. They will get over it and get a clue when they get a taste of reality. It's a learning process that you are much father along in.

When my boys did solo and marching band national competitions they got the understanding about things being subjective. Or judges having a bad day or not understanding the judging system. Art, in any form, is tough to break into and luck plays as much into the out come sometimes, as believing in yourself!

That said, Go, J.! We believe in you!

Oh, girl, welcome to my world! I know the score, too, and I know that, for me personally, my writing is just not where I want it. I've tried getting agents/publishers in the past, but I'm glad I didn't. When I read a published novel that wasn't ready to be published, I just sigh. I'd rather wait ten years to be published than have something I am later embarrassed by be put in print.

I do have a book deal right now, but it's in non-fiction. Ghost stories. And they are fascinating to research, so I'm in my element. But I still write plays and novels, and I'm still revising everything madly, hoping for the day when I really think one of them is ready.

I think you DO believe in yourself, or you would never have sent out your manuscript. But you also know the world, and publishing is rough. Realism doesn't take one iota away from what you know. This is like a beauty contest. You have a complex, complete you, but agents and publishers see one tiny speck of you alone--that manuscript. They aren't judging you when they read it. They are just judging the writing. J.K. Rowling wasn't the only one rejected. Ray Bradbury was rejected tons of times, pulitzer prize winning books were nearly all rejected dozens of times. It takes the right book at the right time in the right agent's hands.

I'm proud of you for doing this! I'd love you to keep me posted. And I think a critique group is the way to go. I don't have one here, either, not since I moved to Georgia, but I hope to start one up soon.

In the meantime, keep writing, keep trying, give your stuff to other writer (me?) and get feedback and keep honing your craft. You can do it!