Bedwetting for Attention

We had a foster daughter with control issues who had wetting problems at around the same age. The counseling is a great idea. One thing that tended to help was that if she did wet the bed/her clothes, she would need to take apart the bed (a waterproof mattress pad was a must) and wash any clothing, too. She was able to do that and it seemed to help. My best to you with this - it sounds like you're on the right track!

perhaps there is something she would really enjoy...like a movie coming out? and a special mommy daughter date? that you could make a calendar with her to earn it? along with some special time with her at night before bed...?
or put a $20 on the fridge and tell her it's hers after a week of no bed wetting.
??
counseling is a good idea because maybe having an outside source talking to her about it will help her realize there are better ways to exert her independence than bed wetting.
this coming from a kid who wet the bed until I was 8. Large family...wanted attention...didn't work. anyway--I've thought about what I will do to handle it if my dd is a bed wetter and I think most important is to make sure they are never ashamed of it. It sounds like you are giving her an open safe format to talk to you--and therapy can facilitate that too.
is there an event that triggered her fears? maybe talk to her about that too.
good luck.

Who's changing the sheets and cleaning up the mess? If it's you, you might want to make it her problem and not yours by allowing her to change them and clean up. She might not enjoy the attention as much if she has to deal with her own consequences. Also could be a good time to learn to do her own laundry associated with the bed wetting.

If you are sticking to your evening routine and spending quality time with her and reading and doing all those fun bed time activities, then she doesn't need you to stay up with her all night. Remember to take care of yourself too and be a good model about that to her. She can be in her room awake and doesn't have to sleep, but just let her know clearly and lovingly that once you have put her to bed, she is expected to stay in there unless it is an emergency. No pressure for her to fall asleep, but you definitely need yours. Give her a kiss and stick to your guns. She is in control of the situation by constantly "checking on you" and I am sensing that you would like to be control instead. She will eventually fall asleep. It might not be in her bed but somewhere in her bedroom during the night. She might have a few nights of not sleeping well, but she will eventually figure it out for herself that sleep is a good thing and something we all need. She can be in her room, read her books, listen to music, whatever, just not up bothering you while you are trying to get your sleep. Your house is a safe place and nothing is going to happen to her in her room, while you are asleep in yours.

Good luck and good rest to you!

Counseling sounds perfect. In addition, I'd put her in pull-ups until this problem stops. That way, you wouldn't have to deal with the messes, and possibly (small chance), it might shame her into stopping peeing.

I'M NOT SAYING THE GOAL IS TO SHAME HER! She's adorable, and you just want to fix this problem. I will say a prayer for a release of her anxiety.

My kids are only 3 and 1, but I do know someone personally that had a bed wetting problem when he was little. It was of course a different situation, but I like what his mom did for him until they could figure out what the problem was. He just couldn't hold it in at night, and his urine wasn't concentrating, so they ended up getting a certain nose spray for him and the problem stopped, but his mom made him wash his own sheets everyday. If she is doing it for attention, I wonder if this same method would work for her. He was realy young too, but it realy helped him learn to be responsible about it. If she is wetting her bed and wanting you to take care of it, kindly teach her that she is going to need to clean up after it herself. Show her kindly how to wash her sheets and her clothes and make her bed back up, and maybe it will help her to not want to use that method for attention anymore because it is to much work. Hope that helps! I am also glad to hear that you are trying to help her clear her fears on it also through counceling. One thing you could try telling her through your words and actions, is that she is safe. :)

I say "ditto" to what Heather A said. Also, do you have nitelites in your house. Maybe try that? I have one in the bathrooms too because I have eyes that are really sensitive to light and it hurts to turn the light on. I can't sleep if it's totally dark -- I like to be able to see where I'm going if I have to get up in the middle of the night (i.e. when my baby wakes up, etc.).

She's big enough to clean up after herself. And to put her bedding in the washer & dryer (w/help if necessary) herself. Especially if she's doing it on purpose-or half on purpose. She needs to get up, change her own sheets (my kid can, & she's capable of doing it, whether she wants to is another story) & go back to bed. If she's afraid of something at night, try what I did: my son will sometimes have horrible nightmares. Instead of staying up for an hour or so to calm him down & then being a grump the next day because I'm so tired, I give him my bear to sleep with. Hubby is a soldier & when he's gone I sleep w/a teddy bear he got me. It's quite the privilege to sleep with Mommy's bear & it doesn't happen often. My son had an especially bad week & I gave up the prized bear to him permanently. It smells like our bed & it came from me, & he knows it's been loved & cuddled by me. When he gets scared or sad, he just cuddles my bear. Of course, he knows he can wake me up anytime he needs to during the night, but the bear cut way down on random nighttime visits.
Let her pick out a special lovey (soft, since you've gotta sleep with it) to put in Mom & Dad's bed for a while to get loved up. Once it's good & abused looking-fur pointing every which way, smells like y'all, not the cleanest looking-give it to her to sleep with. Tell her that when she needs to cuddle w/one of you, she's got her bear to cuddle. Remind her that she can come to you if she needs to, but limit her to 1 random visit on work nights & of course important stuff (that you all decide on together) is allowed anytime.

I am so glad to hear you are getting her some counseling. I had similar anxiety issues as a child, but mine were linked to having seen a scary movie. I, too, wanted to be asleep before my parents. This lasted for years and I wish my parents had understood how real and upsetting it was for me--I wasn't trying to be manipulative, I was genuinely stressed.
Perhaps gentle audio books or music would be soothing to her at bedtime?
I find it hard to believe the bedwetting is for attention, but if she has been dry previously, maybe it is. I am dealing with primary enuresis (never been dry bedwetting) in my seven year old son and we use a Malem alarm at night that is working great. It pins to the shoulder of his pj's and rings and vibrates at the first drop of moisture on his undies. He can jump out of bed and use the toilet and change to clean underwear with just a little bit of help. I have two overlay pads on his bed that I tuck into the sides of the bed, so if there's a big wet spot I don't have to change the sheets in the middle of the night (not since the first week with the alarm), just pull the wet overlay off and put on the clean one. It makes for a lot less laundry--and my son usually does his own laundry.
I know for sure he is not bedwetting for attention or spite, and he is eager to have dry nights. . . I have to wonder if your daughter is saying she meant to because she knows it's normal to have nighttime bladder control by this age? It's so important to be gentle with this. I can remember feeling stressed starting at dinnertime because the sun would be going down soon and I would be isolated in the dark and my parents would be annoyed with me if I just couldn't take it. I am in my 30's now and don't have any anxiety or mental health issues, but you know this was a big deal to me if I remember it so vividly.
Even if the wetting is an anxiety-fueled bid for attention, you could give her a couple of overlays and show her how to change them at night. Then it's her project, not yours, and if it's really intentional wetting, the motive of getting your attention will decrease. I got my alarm and tuck-in waterproof overlays and good information from www.thebedwettingstore.com.
Best wishes.

After she admitted that she does it on purpose so that she doesn't get in trouble for waking you up, did you let her know that she can wake you up at any time and not get in trouble? I think she should definitely be in pullups, and have to clean herself and/or her bed. But let her know that she can come to you at night without worrying about being in trouble. I used to get so anxious if I wanted/needed to go into my parents' room at night, and I would get so worked up, it would make everything worse and more dramatic.
Talk to her about why you have to be awake after her, maybe you can calm those fears, also, maybe have her go to bed earlier so that she is asleep when you guys go to sleep.
I think that the counselor is a good idea too.

Hi M., I remember being scared to still be awake when my parents weren't. I didn't pee the bed, but I would get up and make sure their light was on the in their room. If it wasn't I was knock on their door and ask if they were still awake. I did grow out of this, but I do see how it can be an anxiety issue. My mom told me that they started putting a little light by their door, so to me I "thought" they were still awake. I guess they were desperate : ) I just wanted to let you know that I did grow out of it. And I think the advice on having her do her wash is great! I've done things like that and it always seems to help. Maybe even get back in bed after you give her instructions, so she realizes that is not going to help get you "up". Good Luck!

I have a 10 year old son who wet the bed until recently. I took him to the Chiro (let me know if you want the name of the chiro in Westminster) for unrelated headaches and also mentioned the wetting issue ans she gave me an herb to try and he only took it for 1-2 weeks along with some specific adjustments she did for the bladder and areas around the bladder. This really helped! He has had a few random accidents in 6 months. She also help my other son with herbs that helped him to fall asleep. Again a short time on the herb 1-2 weeks.We had great success and a a lot can be said for evening exercise! Wear her out before bed-good for her and you! All of this fairly inexpensive.

For the attention part of things. When he wet the bed, he was responsiable for changing everything and placing it in the washer to be washed the next morning. He had a extra set of everything and if he couldn't get it on he slept on top of a blanket and he was not to wake up to whole house. They can do this at a very young age and this becomes a burden to them not you. If she does wake you up or come out there might need to be a small consquence, but important that even if she does it is her responsibility to change it all regardless. Sometimes people are afraid of empowering there kids even at a young age,but there is a lot to be said for confident kids who can be more self reliant.

Also, as a reward system I would do something other than have her sleep in your room. A small immediate reward in the morning may seem more attainable to her. The last thing you want is to her to find sleeping in your room desireable. She will want to be there frequently and you and your partner need that space and again making her more self reliant with her own space. One last sugeestion... Get her a pretty bed set and maybe let her pick it out. This will get her excited about her room and make her feel like a princess and want to be in her bed.