Babysitter Boyfriend

B.:

If you don't know the neighbors HOW do you know they have a problem with this?

I'm all for neighborhood watch. But what I don't get is people NOT KNOWING their neighbors....I've lived in the same house for 17 years...I know my neighbors. They know me, my husband, my kids, my dog.

When I had a babysitter? I didn't mind if she had her boyfriend (now husband over) because I trusted (and still do) her. She's a Master in Tae Kwon Do - so she knows about integrity, etc.

Since you're paying that much attention to the neighborhood? Start up the neighborhood watch group...then have a block party - so the neighbors can meet and talk....neighborhoods that KNOW each other? Typically have a lower crime rate because everyone is looking out for each other - not just their own home.

Good luck!

Guess you could ask her if the truck is for sale.
Say you thought she might know about it since that the young man who comes around when she's not home seems to own it and would she ask him about it for you?
Some people are ok with a sitter having a boyfriend over while others are not.
Personally if I'm paying someone to watch my kid I want their attention on MY KID and not on their significant other - plus I have no idea who he is or if he's robbing me blind.

I would not say anything until you get to know them. It is very possible that they are aware of the fact that the babysitter has her boyfriend over. For all you know the babysitter could be the children's aunt and the boyfriend an uncle. I often babysat my nieces and nephews when I was a teen/young adult, and it was always a given that my boyfriend would be joining me.

I know the assumption is to believe that babysitters aren't allowed or shouldn't be allowed to have a boyfriend over or a friend over while babysitting, therefore the assumption you're making here seems reasonable that this babysitter is being sneaky and breaking a rule of the house.

Unfortunately, you don't really know the situation. This girl could be a family member like an older sister, cousin, stepdaughter, etc. and there may not be a rule against her having someone over while babysitting. In fact she may be allowed under certain circumstances.

Get to know the family because A.) it's a good idea to know your neighbors and B.) you have a valid concern in looking out for the children involved and if the babysitter is breaking sitting rules, they do need to know. I'm just not so sure that you should say something right now.

If you feel you must, must, must say something.... "Hi Nevayuhhh. I know we're new neighbors and don't know each other well but I felt that as a fellow mother I needed to let you know about something that's been bothering me. I haven't been sure if I should say something or not because I don't know your situation at all, but decided that I'd rather err on the side of caution. I've seen your babysitter with her boyfriend during times that you and your husband weren't home and they were _____ and your child/children were presumably _____. If I were in your position I would want to know. If I've overstepped or misinterpreted the situation, I apologize."

I would leave this alone, especially since you don't know your neighbors. They might be offended first and foremost that you are "watching" their house.

Since you don't know them, I would not go tell them. If you see them on the street you may say "Your daughter is so cute, she seems to like her two babysitters". When they question "two?" you can say "Yeah, I see the three of them all the time and just assumed it's the babysitter and her boyfriend that are babysitting".

Myob unless u get to know them.

How do you know this is a problem for them?

If you haven't introduced yourself and try to become friendly with them then I would worry about that first. Then casually bring up babysitting and the boyfriend. Personally I would appreciate the heads up because I have a feeling they have not met the bf and I wouldn't want random people walking into my house and interacting with my kid.

If you have kids of babysitting age, very nicely inquire about using their current sitter, getting her #. Sometime during the conversation say" and her having her boyfriend over isn't a problem" it must be nice to have two sisters and only pay for one. If they know he's there they'll just laugh and talk about them or if they don't know...well know they do. I would appreciate a heads up if people who I didn't know were in my home.

They may aleady know and approve. Since you don't know them I'd not tell them unless you run into them on the street. Then I might casually mention the visits without making an accusation.

I suggest you find a way to get to know them. Neighbors who know each other helps prevent theft. You said there were thefts in the neighborhood. Good to notice strange cars but better to know neighbors.

Tell the neighbors ASAP. If it's an "honest mistake" then they will deal with it. At least you told them and they can handle it from there.

I would not be happy knowing my sitter had her boyfriend coming over. If they have another arrangement, fine. But this is bugging you for a reason. Trust your gut.

From your description it sounds like he's trying to be discrete... which means he knows this is not allowed.

I grew up in NYC. There is a famous book in urban planning circles called by Jane Jacobs called THE LIFE AND DEATH OF AMERICAN CITIES. She wrote about something very important that people who spend time on their front porches are known to do... they are "the eyes on the streets." Thanks to them (anybody outside on a regular basis really) streets, neighborhoods, and homes are safer.

Personally, I would not be freaked out if my neighbor mentioned our comings and goings. I would assume they would know that since we live on the same block. I expect my neighbors to let me know if someone is not right when we are not home.

I heard this on talk radio... a child (age 5) told a friend on a playdate that his big brother has sex at home with his girlfriend. Nobody knew. Big brother (age 17) was watching little brother. Subsequently, an adult found out and it was dealt with. It's better to speak up ASAP and let them deal with it. If they are fine with it, so be it.

Stay out of it. You do not even know them!

Since you don't know them what exactly would you say? I mean, maybe they know the babysitter's boyfriend is coming over and they don't care. Unless you see something suspicious or dangerous going on I think you should probably mind your own business, you could come off seeming like a busybody.
In the mean time, GET to know them. Just go over and introduce yourself sometime. I hardly ever interact with my neighbors at all but we have each others' contact info and we let each other know when we will be out of town or if we will be having workers at the house or a party or whatever.

I agree that you should get to know them first before you tell them about the babysitter's boyfriend. But I'm guessing that this will resolve itself when the kid tells the parents about the babysitter's "special friend".

This is not something I would tell a stranger, for all you know they are okay with the situation. If you are concerned then get to know them first, and after a while you can bring it up.

I'm okay with nosey neighbors. That's how I grew up. It shows that they care.

Jessica Wessica's advice is spot on. I would write down her response and memorize it. It is polite, genuine and honest. You are just looking out for your neighbor's child's well-being. Neighbors are supposed to look out for each other, so in that respect it is your business and responsibility to say something. If you offend them, then you offend them, but I don't see why this would. I have called my neighbors directly across the street from us a couple times around midnight because I have noticed their garage doors were left open. I hate middle of the night phone calls, but during the summer months we have had some theft activity, so I felt I needed to. I would want someone to let us know if we left our doors up. They were very appreciative that I took the time to let them know. I like living in a neighborhood knowing my neighbors are watchful.
Hope that helps!
A.

You need to be up front and honest with her. There is a chance she already knows and has given the babysitter her approval. Next time you see her, just say "I'm not sure if you're aware, but I've seen your babysitter's boyfriend over at the house several times while you were at work." See where it goes from there.

I would be a bit freaked out to learn that one of my neighbors, that I don't even know, is watching the comings and goings in my house every day... so I would advocate a solid MYOB.

Good luck!

I would start by getting to know my neighbors. You don't know how much they know or allow because you don't know them. Befriend them.

We are tight in my area of my neighborhood.. we know each other, talk a lot, socialize a lot and if I saw something like that with one of my neighbors, then they would appreciate (and expect) me to let them know.

I wouldn't start out by telling a stranger that I see someone who I presume is a bf coming to their house often or daily. That is making a lot of presumptions, EVEN if you are right. If you do that, then you are the one looking like Mrs. Kravitz who spies on everyone and tries to get in their business.

As a parent, I would want to know if a bf or anyone else was hanging around while my child was being cared for. However, I would appreciate it coming from a caring source who knew me vs someone I did not know and it comes across as a tattle tale.

just stop one day and say hey just a heads up as I would myself want to know.... but did you know the babysitters boyfriend is coming over. they may know and not care. but then again they might. and how old is the sitter turns out if she is young her parents might also want to know.

They may already know. I allowed my sitter last summer to have a certain friend over whenever. My kids liked the friend better than the sitter, so I know things were better when she was here. Both were students of my mom's college classes, so I knew they were both fine...but I knew.

Our sitter we have for during the school year is allowed to have her fiance over. We trust her completely and know that she is so good with our kids. We don't mind in the least if he is here or if they all meet for lunch or whatever.

So they may already know. Just talk to them though.

Hi, I'm B.. I live next door. Welcome to the neighborhood! I didn't get a chance to introduce myself to the couple who watch your child. I meant to say hi to them when I saw them again, yesterday. So I am prepared next time, what are their names? (smile brightly - they may already know, if they don't, you just outed them)

I would want to know who is in my house and when and what is going on.
I would want to know if my daughter was the babysitter.
Hope you can figure it out in a diplomatic way so they don't feel
like they are being attacked by your morals.
How old is the child?

Well, alls I can say is its a good thing them there policee officers paid a visit and the momma came home early. What if you woulda whipped yer pistol from yer holster and shot him dead? ((Eye roll))

Good for you for looking out for your neighbor's child. I would have introduced myself and shared my concerns. It is better to be completely wrong in your assumptions than have something happen to the child.

It's none of your business, especially since you don't know them. You have no idea what that's all about.

Well maybe they already know....I wouldn't get involved.