Asking Colleagues for Contribution to a Gift for a High School Child

No, I wouldn't. If you know the daughter then the gift is appropriate, but there is no need for anyone who does not have a relationship with the child to give a gift just because they know the mother.

Does everyone at work know this daughter? Has she been a regular at the office?

If so, MAYBE you can organize a collection. But you can't do it because the manager has had a tough time, since she's kept it private.

My feeling is that smaller offices (as this one is, with 17 people) get hit up all the time for gifts, and it gets oppressive. Chances are that everyone in the office knows someone who is graduating from HS or college right now, and they are probably pretty tapped out. Unless you are willing to start a precedent where everyone has to pony up for everyone's graduation, I'd let it go. If you do something privately, send the gift to the house - don't give it to the manager at the office because it will make others feel badly.

A baby shower, wedding shower, or farewell for someone in the office is one thing - if it extends to family members, it gets out of control. And if you leave anyone out, they'll feel slighted.

I would probably not donate to this type of request. If I am personally invited to a grad party then it means I am a friend of the family. If not then it is not something that a gift is expected for. So no I would not do that.

I wouldn't. I think you have a great heart, and it is in the right place, but I do think that a precedent would be set, and later, feelings would get hurt. Usually (I think), most work people when contributing to something like this, do it because it is for that person specifically (I am thinking birthdays, retirements, baby shower for a pregnant person, etc). These types of "parties" also raise moral because it makes that person feel special and provides a way to be a "team." Doing a gift for someone outside the work group (like a child of a worker) could easily create a slippery slope.

I think that maybe just asking the few people that know about her personal situation (since they are obviously close enough to the manager to be trusted with private info) if they want to go in with you on a gift card would be fine. However, I would mail it to their home, and not make it a "work deal". Do you see what I mean?

Good luck no matter what you decide!

I wouldn't - I think it's a nice idea of you, but generally office collections are for the particular office worker (not extensions of them). Or at least wherever I have worked. I think it's nice you are (where you are close to your manager) but for other people who might not be so much, they might not feel like it, and then they'd be the one person who didn't. Whereas if it was for your manager, everyone would just chip in.

I was a manager and I am trying to think how I would have felt about it. I think I would have felt a little funny to be honest. I think I'd be touched by my closer colleagues (such as what you are doing) but I would feel it would be too much from everyone. Just my two cents worth :)

No, I would not ask, as it puts your colleagues in a very awkward position. They may not want to buy a gift for their manager's daughter, but may feel obligated to do so if others choose to participate. They may worry about repurcussions at work if they are one of the few who do not contribute. If you want to give your own gift, that's fine, but please do not expect - or suggest - that others at work do so as well.

A high school graduation is a very exciting moment for the child and their family, but doesn't strike me as an event significant enough to warrant a group gift from the mother's employees.

Did your manager post a grad announcement for everyone's information? If so, you may add to that, see [me] if you would like to participate in a group gift by June 5. I think most graduation gifts are monetary, which everyone is capable of doing so on their own.

In our office, they pass the hat quite often. I don't care to participate most often because they pick and choose and I prefer to be fair to everyone.

So if you gift the bosses daughter for graduation, is there anyone else with graduates this year? What about next year? This creates that situation.

no. no. no.
all the birthdays and baby showers and wedding gifts and farewell parties are annoying enough. where would this stop? the receptionist's daughter's new baby? the saleman's 7 year old twins' birthday party? the mail clerk's daughter's bat mitzvah? the lady in the next cubicle just adopted a new puppy?
do not put your co-workers in that awkward position.
khairete
S.

I wouldn't contribute unless I personally knew the graduate or was close friends with the family. I don't give graduation gifts unless I get a personal invitation to a graduate's reception. I don't go to receptions or give gifts even if it's a "everyone is welcome" invitation on the staff bulletin board. Graduation is for the graduates, not the graduates parents' friends. I think graduation is different than a baby shower or farewell. Those gifts go to people I work directly with.

No, and, to be honest, if you worked for me, I would find it awkward for you to give me a gift too.

If you are truly friends outside of work, you socialize outside of work and you have met her daughter, then it's different. But if she is just your manager, not truly a friend, then I would suggest you think twice about this.

You could send an email stating what you are doing and if anyone wants to contribute they could drop off the money/gift with you. I definitely would not put people on the spot though.

I only give graduation gifts to the people I actually know and they have mailed me an announcement.

No it isn't appropriate

No its inappropriate.

No. I would not ask nor would I donate. It's one thing to put in money for a baby shower, a wedding shower, flowers if someone passed or something, but I would not put in for a gift for someone's child unless I was very close with that person AND the child.

We actually just found it tacky that one of the dance moms invited the whole show troupe (66 kids) to her daughter graduation party. Her daughter is not kind to the younger girls and no one is close with her. There are others we would attend, but we felt like it was just a gift grab. Ironically, the pictures from the party only showed those girls in her group, about 15. That's who should have been invited in the first place.

Instead of asking for contributions, just let it be known (through the grapevine) that you plan to get the girl a gift and if anyone else would like to join, they are welcome. That way no one is pressured, but if anyone else wanted to join you in marking the occasion, they can.

No I would not do that. Its not appropriate. If they want to give on their own that is one thing, this is different.

Until I came to Mamapedia I had never heard of giving a graduation gift to anyone but ones own children. I thought it was strange that aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends were giving grad gifts, and now we have the co-workers of parents chipping in for gifts? Is this really a thing?

I would not solicit others to donate. You have a personal connection and that's fine, you do what feels best for you but don't solicit for others to join.

Personally, I only do grad gifts for the few and far between family members I have. I can't justify something for every acquaintance's child who graduated high school.

Geesh... We have 3 Senior high schools, a lot of friends and my daughter's class in 2013 was the smallest of the 3 high schools of just less than 1200 graduates. The other 2 schools that year had roughly 1400 and 1600 respectively.

It's not your child and not their child. If you want to give a gift, that's your prerogative, but don't bring your colleagues into it.

Baby showers are different - the gifts are for the parents to use to take care of the baby.

But your office doesn't need tot ake up a collection for a graduation gift for the kid any more than they would to get her a birthday gift every year.

Hello
If everyone knows the child is graduating and you already have something , then I would just let others do their own thing... My answer comes after years of witnessing in the workplace (mainly women) trying to put together birthday, shower and wedding gifts.. I used to be that person.. in my case, it was so co-dependent and enabling of me.. I look back now and really, I always had already bought a gift and then contributed to the group pot.. now, I would hold back .... if you are close as you say to your manager, then sure, give a gift.. otherwise, I wouldn't...

No, I would not solicit an optional contribution gift because it opens the door to too many awkward situations.

If you're close with her I would think that's fine for you, personally, to give a nice card and modest gift.

Being asked to give to a co-worker's daughter's graduation gift would seriously bug me. If asked, I would give something only because I felt put upon to do so and wouldn't want the boss to find out that I didn't contribute. And I would be pretty PO'd at you for initiating this. Even though you sound like a very nice person.

In my office, the parent usually posts the grad invite on the board or in the breakroom. One person picks up a card and whoever wants to put money in it and sign is welcome to. I don't think its inappropriate. The card can either sit on the break table or get passed around. If you walked around handing it to everyone and watching them sign and/or put money it - that would be awkward