Any Other Methods?

Hi L.. How are ya, sweetie. We've talked before so you know my stand on crying it out (CIO) but since it's my soapbox issue and since there may be some new moms here looking for the same advice and especially since mamasource has way more pro-CIO moms than anti-CIO moms, here I go again :)

I *hate* the CIO method so much. It's cruel and doesn't even work. And in the cases when it *seems* to work, it's still not gonna last forever. Often when baby starts to teeth, gets sick, or other upsets, the "training" has to start all over again. Babies don't learn to self sooth when they CIO, they learn to give up. Give up on you. Self defeat. Uh, not want I wanna be teaching my new baby. There are tons of studies on how and why CIO is not effective. I'll be pasting some links below.
Do you know any mom who ignores her 4 year old when he/she calls for them in the middle of the night? "Mom, I'm scared, need a hug, need a drink, need to just see you,etc" Then why would we ignore our newest babies just because they can't put their needs into words.
I'm just about the only one of my friends and family that refused to practice CIO and I'll tell you what I see in these children. It didn't work! It may have worked to start with and then at times, but only when baby was not sick, teething, etc. And they still need mom into toddlerhood and later! I know 3 to 6 years olds who still get out of the bed at night, go to moms room, have to be put back to bed. Usually with a book, a cuddle, something to comfort them back to sleep. My friends are great parents! But why did the make this same child cry all those nights just to "give in" later when he can actually form the words to express his needs. It's because we live in a culture that encourages independence at way too early an age. American culture tells us to pop that baby out and love and cuddle him for the first few months then it's time for business, young man. No extra cuddling so you don't get spoiled. No nursing to sleep cause I ain't your pacifier. Cry yourself to sleep cause you gotta learn how to self sooth, and I need some quiet evening time. Then in the blink of an eye, they are teens and we wish we could have one more day with them as babies.
And self sooth. What the heck does that mean. How do we sleepy adults self-sooth? Prescription sleeping aid sales are at an all time high. This is how we adults self sooth, yet we somehow expect a new human to figure this out. Babies need to be PARENTED to sleep, not simply put to sleep. Same for toddlers and small children. There's a reason people talk about how sleep deprived mom is that first year. Especially the mom who also has other small children in the house. They aren't easy!
I can tell you every time my baby got sick, it showed itself at night. He'd sleep horrible, cry all night, drive me nuts. Then the next day I'd realize he was coming down with something and we'd end up at the peds office. I'm so glad I didn't use that bad night as an opportunity to "teach" him how to sleep.
Babies are supposed to wake at night. They are designed that way. "Sleeping thru the night" is only catergorized as a 5-6 hour stretch of sleep. So it's unrealistic to expect baby to sleep from 7 pm to 7 am without needing a parent to help them go back to sleep.
Most moms who come here asking for sleep advice don't want to CIO, but they are getting to a breaking point where something's gotta give. They're sleepy, tired, and frustrated. I suggest looking at other ways to give mom a break and a nap. Let a friend/relative rock baby to sleep while you nap. Let hubby take a turn at night. Get out on evenings when you have a sitter. Do more things for YOU. Then when baby calls for you at night, you're better equipped emotionally to handle the constant need.
This is obviously a big decision for parents and a personal one. I know a lot of parents who support CIO and they are still very great parents. I just think they missed the mark on this one. You gotta do what works for you and your family. But once you know what normal infant sleep looks like (check out the links below) and see that frequent waking and needing help to fall asleep if perfectly normal, you may feel less stressed and less pressured to try CIO.
Thank you, L., for letting me vent! And I wish you the best!

Infant Sleep Chart
http://www.lpch.org/diseasehealthinfo/healthlibrary/growt...

8 Infant Sleep Facts Every Parent Should Know
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp

Mistaken Approaches to Night Waking
http://www.nospank.net/fleiss2.htm

Sleeping Thru The Night
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleep.html

Reflections
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/reflections.html

Either DO let her cry it out or DON'T. Avoid 'trying to let her cry it out' and THEN giving in to her. My mom gave me the BEST childrearing advice I've ever heard in one sentence (she's in heaven, and I'm a 50 yr. old mother to 4 adult children and 'Mom-Mom' to 3).

Here it is: "Never say anything to a child unless you mean it."

Simple, profound, AND effective, but NOT easy!

We did cry it out with a variation -- we only let him cry 10 minutes and then we got and comforted him. When he was calm or sleeping he went back to the crib. We didn't have to do it too many times at night.

Also, babies seem to cue a lot on smells. Perhaps that is what she is missing. We would but a t-shirt I had worn (not washed) in the crib too and that seemed to provide some comfort when he was moving from sleeping with us after falling asleep nursing into the crib.

Take heart, it does not last that long!

L.,
I never let my babies cry. I couldn't stand it. My mother told me when my first child was born that babies cry because they are hungry, tired, need a diaper change, or need the security of having their mommy close to them. She told me that if you listen to your baby and meet their needs they don't cry as long or as frequently. To this day, my children are not whiney and rarely cry. They have the security of knowing if they need something mommy and daddy will meet their need.

Breast fed babies nurse more frequently. I would nurse the baby to sleep at night. Put the baby in the crib. Put the baby in bed with me in the middle of the night when they woke up. The baby would make little sounds when it was time to switch to the other side. In the morning I would nudge my hubby and ask him to put the baby back in the crib. I tried getting up and nursing, but I didn't get enough sleep.

People told us it was not good to have the baby in bed with us--that we might roll over and crush the baby or smother the baby, etc. We had four children and that never happened. People said we would never be able to get the baby out of the bed with us if we let the baby in bed. That never happened. Our kids are 18, 16, 11, and 3 and they all want to sleep in their own bed.

I would encourage you to do what works best for you and for your little one. Let me give you the same advice my mom gave me, "Listen to your baby. She will tell you what she needs from you."
S.

personally I think crying it out is crappy too :) I used the No Cry Sleep Solution (book - available for super cheap on amazon or half.com) it's a FAST read and gives TONS of ideas and methods of helping your little one self soothe and learn to love their sleeping place! Good luck! BTW-in using the methods suggested in the book, our son has been sleeping 100% thru the night since about 4 months. He does NOT wake up crying, instead he's talking, laughing and waits patiently for us to come get him out in the mornings. Overnight wakings (with the exception of illness) are no problem, he goes right back to sleep within minutes!

L.,
We had the same feelings. But, with that said, ended up letting our son cry it out. It took us a couple of weeks. It was hard and challenging. We would go in once and that was it. We wouldn't pick him up to soothe him, just tried to do it by patting his back and telling him over and over it was time for night night. My husband and I sat in the floor in front of his door(on the outside) and nearly cried ourselves. It was hard. We tried the other methods and this one worked for us. He Sleeps solid through the night. He has since he was 6 months. He goes into his crib fully awake and falls asleep. I also stopped rushing in their if he woke up in the night. I would let him cry for a few minutes and then he usually fell back asleep. If he had seen me, he wouldn't have fallen asleep as fast. It really takes some discipline. Good Luck. You will find what works best for you. Training them to have a good sleeping pattern is like teaching them manners. It all comes within our job discription as a parent.

Try reading the book "The Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg. She has some great ideas on getting babies to sleep at night and during the day, without the use of props (like rocking, paci's, bottles, etc). She emphasizes using the E.A.S.Y. method - Eat, Activity, Sleep, and You or "Mom" time. The activity time should be about 2-2 1/2 hours at this age. Watch for signs of sleepiness like yawning, fussiness and rubbing eyes. Then just lay your baby girl in her crib while she's tired and let her go to sleep on her own. It won't take her long to find her own soothing techniques to get herself to sleep. My baby girl is 6 months and she's been sleeping on her own without props since birth. It will just take some time to retrain her. Good luck!!

Getting up twice a night, or listening to her scream is your choice, if you slept with her, you wouldn't have to do either. Just a thought. After a few nights, you'll both be sleeping much better. While your close proximity gives her comfort, she'll not awaken as often plus when she does, she can latch on for a little snack, without even waking you up! This does work better for some babies than others however. Some are cuddlers & some are wigglers! Whatever, 16 yrs from now, you will treasure these special middle of the night moments, trust me, don't rush her sleeping through the night! Plus, the sooner she does sleep all night, the sooner your fertility will return, then the next step, and the next step, before you know, she'll be all grown! Enjoy, even the sleepless nights! Nap when she does. Do your housework when she's awake, wear her in a snugli or sling whenever she wants to be held, so that your hands are free to do other things while you hold her close!
M.

im just wondering if you are feeding her anything besides breast milk if not you may want to try that to get her to sleep through the night. as for the crying it out i dont believe in that at all babys cry b/c they need something whether its food love blanket something. try standing over her crib and patting her back or rocking the crib a bit. good luck!

L., there are lots of other methods out there, and I do not think that moms that use CIO just "love" listening to their babies cry. With our first son we tried SO MANY methods.....and nothing worked.So at the end it was either hold him all the time(and at night too while sleeping sitting up) or let him CIO.I was really at a loss since everyone kept saying that CIO was cruel, and No cry sleep solution worked for everyone else but us......but I was about to loose my mind.We finally used CIO, couple days and it was happy ever after(well till he climbed out of the crib:))
To be honest, I found that as parents we started a lot of "bad" habits in our first son out of convenience, or because we liked it(at the time). Like I would put a cup in his crib after he was 12 months so I did not have to get up at night, it went on till he was after 3 that he wanted a cup at night. My husband loved laying down with him to put him to sleep and now he's 3 1/2 and when daddy is working late ......watch out cuz it's not pleasant.
With our second, we never started any of those habits so we never had to use ANY of the methods .It's great.
But anyways ,try NO Cry sleep solution, hope it works for you:)(I know it did for a lot of moms.......not for us, and it's ok).

Try some music...loud enough to equal her crying... something with stringed instuments maybe would be soothing. Go back every 10 minutes to reassure her. Lay her back down in the crib and rub her head or back but don't pick her up. We put a radio in my granddaughters room and tuned in to the classical station. It took a couple of weeks but she learned to associate the music with bed time. She always cried at first, but got to the point where she would stop crying as soon as we turned on the radio.

Hate to say it, but I never could do that either. I always just pulled my girl in bed with me. I slept, she slept and all was right with the world. By the time she was older (and not in a crib-because she HATED a crib) she was stoked to sleep in her big girl bed sans momma.
Another thing that worked too was sitting in there with her and gradually moving my position until I was out of the room. The issue is with them feeling that you are there and not alone. I also did the whole aroma therapy chamomile thing, and also played the same CD in her room. That routine really worked. Just remember to bring the CD when you go on trips (learned that the hard way).

I have no idea, but I will be checking out what other responses are because I wanted to ask this exact same question!

There are tons of books out there with methods-fyi almost all of them do have a little bit of letting the child cry. No Cry Sleep Solution might be the only one with 0 crying- but I'm not sure. Be aware that this time will pass. Go on line and read about the different methods choose one that sounds good and purchase the book.- Always go to used book sights because if one method doesn't fit then you will want to try another one and another one and...

There are plenty of alternatives. My suggestion is to thumb through some books at Barnes and Noble or Borders and see which one you could live with and suits your comfort level. We tried it all before doing CIO as a last resort. It was awful to go through, but it was over quickly and my son has been a solid sleeper ever since.

Goodness knows I'm behind on this, but I'll put in my two cents anyway.

I vote with Ingrid and the others. My firstborn was just like yours, waking 2 (or 3 or 4) times a night. I couldn't let him cry - it just felt wrong, but I was exhausted and guilt-ridden. It was generally rotten from front to back.

With my secondborn, this time is a different solar system from that experience. He's currently 9 mo and I have no idea how many times he wakes up. I tuck him in with me, and since I don't have to wake up to nurse, it's a total non-issue. I don't have to fret over whether he's hungry due to a growth-spurt, or is teething and needs comfort, or is just nuzzling out of habit, or what. It doesn't matter. His need is met. And so is mine (my need for sleep). Viola! Everyone is happy.

Read The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley!!! It will save you and your daughter, it did for us. She's getting older, and needs to be able to put herself to sleep. Keep a consistent routine and be strong. I didnt' like the dry it out method either with my daughter and I found this method and I swear by it, and I've recommended it to all my mommy friends and tons of people on Mamasource. Good luck!

A.

Hi, I agree w/Melody T. My son is almost 3 and my daughter is almost 2. Both are great sleepers. It was very hard to listen to, especially w/my first. As long as you know she is ok (not hungry, cold, etc.), she will never remember crying. My son took longer than my daughter cause I gave in more. The older they get the harder it will be. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I used to quote the scripture that said ...joy cometh in the morning:) Good luck w/everything.

I just wanted to add that i have a friend who also has a son the same age as mine and she co-slept & didn't let him cry it out (which is fine, cause we are all different) but he still will not sleep thur the night and will not go to sleep on his own. (she said she will probably do things alittle different next time)again not saying anything is wrong w/cosleeping, just showing an example.

Try to feed and nurse earlier in the evening than what you are soing now, then, let her play in a bath- toys, the whole bit. Take her to her room and dry her, diaper and lotion, a little massage, keep the lights low. Go thro a book, quietly, and then say night night , kiss and lay her down. Walk out ,close the door. See if that works for a week or 2. She doesn't need to be nursed during the night anymore, and you might even give her a sippy of water just before you put her down. The same time every night is the key, and the same routine.

I first have to say I TOTALLY AGREE with SHARON D.

Plus I think you have read or heard, that breastfeed babies eat more frequently as they digest it more easily.

L., I know this time can be rough BUT it is only for a season. Meaning, this time you will look back on and say WOW it flew by.

We coslept.. Yep.. it was easier to nurse and ALL of us sleep as she only wanted to be with me.. I has to ask myself.. IS IT TAHT BAD?
If I had to get up 2x a night and go nurse and then try to get back to sleep.. it would be.

I'll tell you, we coslept till she was 3 1/2.. my DH and I got to be 'creative' but now my DD is 5 and is well adjusted and we are quite close. She wasn't whiney, or clingy per say.
She listens to classical music when it is time for bed.
I will tell you she is an outgoing, friendly and independent child.

They don't stay in our beds forever... now the only time she is in our bed is when she is sick.

The time will go by quickly... there may not be enough room in your bedroom but you might want to consider moving her crib into your room at least for now... yeah your room won't be as organized or pretty.. but you will get more sleep and you won't have to listen to her scream and try to get your attention... that is all they know now...
I have to say, just enjoy the time, it will go by quickly.
I can say from experience... as I have a 19 yr old son and my DD is now 5.

Remember to do WHATEVER is BEST for YOU and YOUR FAMILY...
No matter what 'anyone' else might say.

Good Luck

I did not like the cry it out method. I play a single CD of lullaby music set on repeat play all night long. The babies get use to the music and associate it with sleeping. What to do. Nurse your baby to the music for about a week for her to get use to it. Then nurse her to almost alseep, give her a kiss and cudddles and tell her its time for bed my sweet baby and lay her down. When she wakes at night repeat the above. Good luck, Mommy! I was just there 3 months ago!

Crying it out is the only way that I know to do it. I had to do mine that way and it is better the younger they are rather than when they get older. Right now they won't remember a thing.... later they may and it is harder on them then. My little girl now, is a wonderful sleeper and when she wakes up, she has books in her bed and she sits up and reads to herself and talks to her stuffed animals.
Also I had to learn to put her in her bed without being asleep so when she woke up, she was still in the same place she was when she laid down and she wasn't afraid or in a panic mode. The crying doesn't last more than 4 or 5 nights and then they know they have to go to bed and then it is all up hill from there.
It is just something you have to do to train them. If it bothers you, go take a shower so you can't hear her. IT isn't mean or cruel and it sure makes for a better child and a more patient mom.

I think "crying it out" is horribly cruel on a child, anyone for that matter. How would you like it if you were scared and alone in a dark room and someone just left you there despite your crying and screaming? You may want to try Barnes and Noble or the library, I know there are a few books out there. I bought one a while back called "The No Cry Sleep Solution". Just read up on a few different methods and go from there. Good Luck