An Epic Tantrum in the Park

I would have stopped pushing them in the swing when I was done and given the choice "you can play on something else, or we can go home now." Once the tantrum started we would have gone straight home. I do not give into whining, crying, carrying-on or tantrums!

you feel like a meanie but imo you went way in the opposite direction.

you're done, should mean you're done. but you gave in. several times.

next time i would tell her 5 minutes (she may be too young to "get" this, but if you use it consistently she will learn). Then "no more swing" means "no more swing". unfortunately because of what happened today she will likely keep pushing and maybe even have another tantrum.

my advice? if she has another tantrum, TAKE HER HOME. no calming down in the car and then getting to play more. tantrums = end of fun outing. period.

i wouldn't have kept giving in in the first place. i never spent more than a few minutes pushing my kids on the swings. they both have working legs that pump them just fine.
and after that tantrum we'd have gone home.
khairete
S.

Well, giving in will bite you. When I want my son to get out of the swing, he gets out. If he throws a tantrum, we leave. The problem with what you did, is it sets a tone. She is little now, but not for long. Children learn when parents give in, if they whine about it. They learn, if they throw a tantrum, you will just go back to have fun. Every time this happens, the whining will be worse and the tantrum will be worse. Why? Because, you taught her to do that.

I may be in the minority, but I don't avoid tantrums. If they happen, they happen...and I leave. It's the only way they learn, mom. You didn't avoid a tantrum today, you taught her that you will give in, and a tantrum will not be disciplined.

Now, I'm not trying to be harsh. My son is 4, so I just got done with the stages you are in now. I am only speaking from my recent experiences on what worked for us, and what did not. What didn't work (for my child, at least) was what you did. It created a monster. I didn't want a monster, so I had to change what I was doing. You were the OPPOSITE of a meanie. You were a softie, and you allowed her to make the decisions. Boundaries are healthy and necessary, and you don't seem to have any currently. (In this situation.)

You got played for a sucker, I'm sorry to say.

I wouldn't have humored a tantrum. We wouldn't have stayed at the park, we wouldn't have continued with the swing - we would've gone straight home.

If you are this much of a pushover, all to avoid an upset child, then you're going to have a lot of problems down the road. You have to follow through and you have to be willing to leave.

You're nicer than I am ES. First tantrum? We are on our way home. You aren't a meanie-- kids must learn that A. their parents aren't tireless servants and B. when you throw a tantrum like this, the fun ends *immediately*. No second chances.

Next time: "Mom's arms are getting tired. Ten more pushes and we're getting out. (then) Five more pushes and we are getting out. Time to get out." Give her a couple of minutes notice first, then let her know when you are ready to count down from ten, etc. And don't worry about her thinking you are 'mean'. She needs to learn that Mommy is not a pushover and what she says she's going to do, she *will* do. IF you keep pushing her after you've said you are done, it's only confusing her and she will keep pressing for more. Better to make expectations crystal clear and then hold to them. She might not like it, but it makes you more predictable and sets her up to know that when Mom says it, she means it!

I wouldn't have given in the first time.

Parental inconsistency is what causes most tantrums. She is learning that you don't mean what you say and that SHE calls the shots. She is learning that she can wear you down and then she gets to do what she wants.

So, no. I never let my daughter stay anywhere to avoid a tantrum. I carried an egg timer with me and when it went "ding" she had 3 minutes to wind down. if she asked to stay longer I said "nope, but we'll come back and next time you can swing".

2nd- I never controlled playtime. You "wanted her to run around" doesn't mean she will. But if that was your goal, then tell her no swings. Put her on the jungle gym thingie and tell her if that's not what she wants to do then go home. You set her up to fail when you "wanted" her to do something, but let her do something else.

You shouldn't feel like a meanie, what you should do is work on being consistent and up front with your expectations.

Stop giving into her. You are creating your own problem by telling her it's time to be done, and then deciding to continue. Of course she is going to throw a fit when you finally put your foot down and tell her no and mean it. She's come to expect that you will still cave. The more you give in to avoid a tantrum, the more likely she will continue to have them to get her way. Give her a warning of X more minutes, then stick with it. I see a lot of parents with kids at that age that expect the kids to just say "Okay!" the first time and understand why and just magically cooperate, but the thing is, they DON'T. Toddlers and preschoolers (and sometimes even into kindergarten) are very egotistical little beings and truly believe the world really does revolve around them. Their goal in life is to get as much out of you as they possibly can, and it's your job to put a lid on it.

You really, really need to set some boundaries and reasonable limits and stop feeling guilty about it. I have to tell my daughter no all the time - because I am tired, because it's getting late, because we need to get home, because I've had enough. And the more you do it, the more they will get used to it and learn they cannot push you around and manipulate you. And in the long run, they will be better people about it. My daughter, at 3 and 4, used to test me and the limits all the time. At 5, she still does sometimes, but not as badly, because she knows I mean business and I mean what I say. I look at it like, that's her job, and I have my job, which is to be the parent and be in charge.

As she gets older and goes to school, she will be expected to be done playing on the playground when recess is over and come in with the other kids. She will be expected to participate in whatever is taking place and be okay with moving from one activity to another. She will need to learn to respect the needs of others instead of just being focused on what she wants. It becomes easier as they move out of this egotistical stage of life but only if they start practicing self-control now. A great saying I heard somewhere was, "Don't let kids be in the driver's seat - they make lousy drivers."

Every kid needs to learn to live with "no."

NEVER give into your child to avoid a tantrum. That's just rewarding the behavior. Can you not see that she will associate, tantrum = I get what I want (?)
Mom is always in charge. Push her as long as you can, and as long as you like, that's it. Let her throw a fit. Stay calm but let her know if she doesn't stop after a few minutes you are leaving the park, and the follow through. If she doesn't stop, LEAVE.
Rewarding bad behavior is the worst, I see it in public a lot, kids screaming at their parents and being demanding and their parents giving in. Why? I don't know, to me it just seems like they are being lazy, they don't want to deal with their kid. It makes me sad for the kids because they aren't learning any better.
Teaching kids how to behave requires more work and effort but it sure is worth it in the long run, don't you think?

Sometimes when my kid isn't ready to be done swinging, but I am done pushing, I just tell them, "Ok, I will push you for 2 more minutes, and then I am done pushing. My arms are getting tired." After the 2 minutes I stop pushing and ask if he'd like to go on something else. If he doesn't want to get out I just say, "Ok, you can sit here, but my arms are too tired to push." After about a minute he usually gets sick of sitting there, stagnant, and wants out.

You'd better get use to it.
Because all she learned today was how long she has to kick up a fuss in order to get her way.
Next time (and there WILL BE a next time) - she's going to scream longer and harder.
Every time you give in - you put HER in charge.
Don't avoid/fear the tantrum.
Face it.
Bundle her up and home you go - and she can go right to bed.

Once I took her out of the swing that would have been it. No need to go to next swing. Tantrum=home immediately. Non-negotiable. She will get the message really quick.

She sounds like she is still very young if she uses the baby swings. In that case, I would give one maybe two warnings and then make her get off the swing. If she threw a tantrum, then I would warn her again and let her know that she has to stop the fit or we would be leaving. If she continued, then I would pick her little butt up and carry her screaming to the car and take her HOME. Tantrum = GO HOME in my book. It may take a couple times of following through, but she needs to know that her actions have negative consequences.

Well for me and my kids, a tantrum like that was an immediate ticket home.

It's my opinion that you never cave to avoid a tantrum, you say, "5 more pushes and then we're done with the swings".

The kid is fine with that or not. But if not.........straight home. No stopping for a treat, no rewards associated with the tantrum.

Little kids want what they want when they want it. It can't always work that way. They need to understand that what mama says, goes. They won't always like it and they might get frustrated, but that's the way it works and they don't have to LIKE it. They'll survive for another day.

If you want to end tantrums, then YOU have to end them.

You're not a meanie. You're doing the right thing.

Just my opinion.

If you feel like a meanie, I'm meaner. I would have gone home and said instead she needs to run around our own backyard. I might've given in once if she wasn't whiney about it, but not over and over. You didn't say how many times she stayed in the swing.

Something you might also try is a countdown. "In 5 minutes, you have to get out of the swing." Then "In 2 minutes, it'll be time for something else." Then "Okay, five big pushes and then you're done. Let's count together!"

See if that helps.

We all have "one for the books". Mine was DD as an overtired 2 yr old in a dressing room where she refused to change OR put on her clothes. That was a lot of fun. It'll be OK. You're not a meanie. You're a MOM and if YOU don't guide her, she'll learn the hard way later.

This past NYE DD was a monster before we were going to leave. So I packed up and left for our party and DH stayed home with her. She remembers being left home VERY clearly and anytime she starts to get worked up like that, I tell her, "Remember the party you had to stay home from?" It made an impression and we have only had to do that once. So the point of leaving right away is so that you avoid these situations so often later. Good for both of you.

No, I would have not given in. Most importantly though, I would not have gone back to the park after the tantrum. No lesson learned :(

I would've had a plan. When I decided it was time to stop swinging, we'd stop swinging. I might give in to one more 5 minutes or 10 more pushes but that's it. I suggest that you set her up for a tantrum by continuing to give in to more swinging. Both of you became tired. She expected you to agree. You had had enough.

And I probably would not have gone back in to the park once she calmed down. I get that this was a reward to calming down but the lesson you want to teach is that throwing a tantrum does not get a reward.

When the tantrum started, I would've immediately taken her to the car, without shoes, and left. You could put her shoes back on at home or not. If she was tired and likely to tantrum about putting them on i'd carry her inside and put her to bed.

It was important to stop swinging because you were tired and wanted to stop. It's not important that she put on her shoes so don't insist that she do so. Pick your battles.

Nope..... tantrums in public didn't bother me.... we just left.

I wouldn't have given in in the first place...... I'm not the slave here!

I like the idea of the timer....

Take a timer with you, and when you are ready to change activities, you say "5 minutes left to play on the swing. When the timer goes off, it is time to go do whatever." Then, when the timer goes off, you get her off the swing, and go to another activity.

If she cries and screams, then you tell her that if she cannot calm down, it is time to go home...... and follow through. Use the timer there, as well.

My daughter looooved the baby swing and could stay there all day. So tedious when you're the one pushing.

I think when you decide the swinging is over you have to stick to it and put your foot down, giving in too many times will only teach her that if she fusses enough she will get her way. She probably would have stayed there for an hour.

My daughter used to throw a tantrum when it was time to leave the park. I was that mom with the 2 year old under her arm like a football making a run for it before she got loose.

We've all been there, just stick to your guns, you're not a meanie!

I always give my kids a warning. Something like "Only five more pushes!" and then I count down to the last one. Then it is up to the kids whether they want to get out or just sit in the swing by themselves or whatever. I find that for my kids' personalities, the warning helps them "prepare" for the end of swinging. I don't know if it would work with yours, but you might try!

It's okay to be a meanie. Rather than argue with her, next time, just leave her sitting in the swing and go sit down and pretend to ignore her. Let her scream her little head off, and don't give in. When she finally asks you to take her out of the swing, then go do it and sit her down on the bench and tell her that because she didn't do what mommy said, she has to sit in time out.

If that causes a tantrum, to the car you go and you don't stay. You leave the park. She has absolutely no incentive to behave if you stay at the park.

She will learn, if you are consistent, that there is only a certain amount of time on the swings. Then she'll run around.

You have to give her a reason to do what you want. This will give her a reason.

Why would you feel like a meanie? It's your job as a parent to make the tough decisions. I don't make my parenting decisions based on how it reflects on me, I make my parenting decisons based on what's best for my child. Stop giving in to your daughter or you will have MUCH bigger things to deal with down the road.

Trust me that tantrum sounds like small potatoes compared to some of the tantrums my daughter threw when she was that age! LOL

I guess sometimes when you are a parent, in your childs best interest you have to be a meanie!!

If it were my daughter, we would have gone straight home. But every kid is different.

I would give the first warning of, "Okay, five more minutes on the swing and then we're going to _____." If a tantrum ensued when it was time to get out of the swing and do the other activity, then as soon as I was able to get her out of the swing after/during the tantrum I would have headed straight to the car and left.

I would NOT have had her calm down at the bench to try again. I would NOT have taken her to calm down in the car to "try again." STRAIGHT HOME THE FIRST TIME.

Mama don't got time for that.

You are not a meanie. Tantrums happen regardless of what you do. I would have taken her home and put her to bed.

I don't think you were mean. If anything, you were lenient.

The first time, you kept pushing her in the swing. The second time, you calmed her down and let her stay at the park.

I probably would have packed her up at the first tantrum and gone home.

It is a child's job to test Mom to see when rules apply and when they don't. This starts at a very young age. This is parenting...and sometimes it's not easy ! But, do not give in to tantrums!

Give your daughter a 5 minute warning. After 5 minutes, stop the swing and assist her while she gets out. If she cries, pick her up and bring her to the car. Put her in her carseat...

Over time, she will know that you mean business and she will not tantrum. She is beginning to learning self-control. This is a good thing. You are also teaching her to respect you as a parent.

You are not mean. You are being a good parent by setting limits !

No ma'am.. You did just fine..

Only thing I would have done differently, would have been to give her a heads up.

"I am going to push you 3 more times, then mommy needs her arms to rest."

"Help me count. One, Two, Three.. good job!, High Five! "

"I like how you got out out of the swing with no crying! Another high Five!"

I may not have even sat on the bench, but may have just taken her to the car to calm down.. You have more patience than me.. Good job mom..

I never allowed the tantrums. I think they are unhealthy. My kids got one warning the minute they looked like they thought about starting one (unless it was legitimate fatigue, hunger, pain, fear, illness)and a consequence if they tried it. If you are consistent at home, they won't do it in pubic. But they may TRY it in public if they're super crafty and realize an audience may mean a free pass, so you do have to enforce there too a couple of times for tough kids so they know it doesn't fly there either. If you can't remove to a car or bathroom for immediate consequence after calm warning, then a big old pinch after warning can be invisible to looky-loos if necessary. Always catch the tantrum as it's BEGINNING because it's too late after that. If you NEVER skip the consequence, quickly all they will need is a warning. If you want the tantrums to drag on and get worse, do things like: 1) Ignore 2) appease them by letting them keep swinging knowing they are in charge of you-then they'll really flip when you finally try to take charge 3) strap them into seats or hold them to calm them....these things just let kids let loose with fits for as long as they want. Don't even let them go there. Be very confident with your requests: "OK, you're all done with the swing now, you're coming down, no fits." REMOVE and act immediately EVERY TIME and soon a warning will suffice.

Also, I never left because of a tantrum. After discipline, we would return to the site where the child would then BEHAVE or I would enforce again (never happened) I didn't want them to gain control of the outings by flipping out and forcing me to leave and drive home a screaming kid. Nope. It is much nicer to have the child go back, behave, and leave on a good note (unless they're exhausted, hungry, sick etc-then all bets are off and we leave).

I always had a tiny snack waiting in the car for the ride home from the park. So tiny it didnt matter if it was time for lunch when we got home. So instead of saying "Time to go home" I said "Time to get in the car for pretzels (or cheerios, grapes, or goldfish) in the ride"
At age three your goal should be park time is time for her to interact with other children or run around while you sit on the bench and watch! You play with and interact with her at home, this is time for her to stretch her wings....