Almost 3 Yr Old Going Away from Home for the First Time to Pre-school HELP!

My daughter is going through this with my 2nd grandson right now. I'll give you the same advice I gave her.

The more of a big deal you make out of the separation the more he'll feel anxious about it. When you drive him there and drop him off do so cheerfully and express to him what fun it'll be to do new things. Get him settled and leave.

If you are told that he was crying or anxious don't decide to discuss the whole situation with him. Some little ones take to a change in routine well and others take a little while. As long as you keep a positive attitude he'll pick one up too.

Hey, I just sent my 2 1/2 year old son to pre-school for the first time today too. He seemed a little nervous this morning, so I did what my mom used to do with me and my brothers every morning before we went to school. I shouted, "Who's going to have a great day at school today!" And he shouted "me!" and I shouted, "I can't hear you!" we did that for a bit. He was sooo pumped. (And it made me feel a little better too)

so now I'm just hanging around the house trying to keep my mind off of the fact that my little boy is in school for the first time today.... ahhhh!

Good luck. It just takes some time. He'll adjust and love playing with his new friends.

The worst thing you can do is obsess over it or make a big deal out of it. Don't remind the child that he cried, or it will make him think about it. You need to look at preschool as casual as you can just like going to the potty. Ask him what he did at preschool...what did he enjoy the most...did he make any friends or get to play with anyone...etc. The crying will stop once it is over looked. If he brings up about being scared or crying, then explain to him that sometimes that happens and it's ok, there's nothing to worry about.

You are being a normal person but don't allow yourself any form of guilt. You have done the right thing. He will get over the cries and fall in love. Stop torturing yourself, he is going through a natural phase. You are doing good. Hang in there!

I agree with Diane, keep yourself upbeat and make the good bye short, don't linger. Focus on the positives of preschool. Try reading the Kissing Hand and give him his own in the mornings. I tell my son who is 4 that when I give him his morning hug, kiss and nose kiss that he is getting all my love for the day. His preschool has also allowed him to keep a stuffed animal in his backpack, and if he feels sad he can ask the teacher's helper and go to his back pack and hug his animal. For him, just knowing that his animal is in his backpack makes him feel better. My son had a hard time at that age, but it has gotten better as time passes. For awhile he also had a picture of him with Mommy and Daddy in his cubby so he could see us if he missed us. See what the teachers at his preschool are willing to do to ease both of your minds! My son used to be fine within 5 min of me leaving. Good luck.

Hi - I saw your "so what happened post," but I'm mostly replying for anyone else going through this situation who happens upon this thread. I'm a preschool teacher, and two really simple things we do in my classroom are: we send a picture of us home with all of our children, and, we do home visits for children who are especially separation sensitive. Not all preschools will do this, but it's worth asking if your child is miserable - some children really aren't "fine" five minutes after mommy leaves, and that's ok, and they need extra support, so ask for what you need!

As you probably know, if YOU are anxious, he is going to be anxious. You need to be really positive about his experience and reinforce how much fun school will be. It's not like you're bringing him to a doctor's office... he's going to have FUN! When you drop him off, make goodbyes short and sweet. Don't hang around and keep saying goodbye, because that makes it harder for everyone. If he needs you to be there, then you can tell him you'll be right outside the room. If you do that, though, you need to stay there because if he looks for you and you're not there, it will be difficult for him.

Not sure if you've read this book, but a great book is "The Kissing Hand." All about a little raccoon who goes to school and the mother raccoon tells him that she will give him a kiss on his hand and that whenever he misses her, he can press his hand to his heart and feel his mom with him. My kids love the book and ask for a kissing hand every night before they go to bed and then they rub it in their hands to make it "stick" for the next day when I'm at work....

Good luck!

LOL...I'm more concerned about you right now then I am about the child....PLEASE TRY TO RELAX AND GO WITH THE FLOW OF IT WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE as your child is going to pick up on what you are giving off. He is going out into the world and you want it to be a good experience for him..
I'm sure you checked this pre-school out well so have faith in your decision and know he's going to be ok...
Here he is going to learn from other adults and through other children his own age....this is a good thing. When he gets used to everything there and understands what is expected of him....and see's at the end of the time he is there, you are there for him....He'll be fine..

For the next few weeks continue talking to him in a happy positive way about his time there. Use your fee time while he is at pre-school to do some things you have had on hold and will enjoy.

Your answer is in your first sentence. "I AM A NERVOUS WRECK."
Our kids are very sensitive to our emotions and even though you tell him it will be fun, he should be happy, etc. HE picks up on your nerves and wonders what will go wrong. You have to calm down. You have to focus on his new friends and realize he is growing up. Be happy you get a break and have some alone time with your daughter. He will be fine, even if he does cry a bit. I used to be a substitute teacher and often subbed for kindegarteners. They would hvae a terrible time the first time the saw me and not their regular teacher. But the ones that calmed down first were the ones whose parents introduced me, explained why I was there and left. The kids whose parents fussed and lingered and kept asking if they were ok had a hard time calming down. THEY sensed their parents unease and got afraid.
Why do you say he seemed anxious most of the time? Were you watching? You need to be calm from the minute he wakes up until after you drop him off. Then walk to the car, get in and have a good cry. Its really much harder for the mom than it is for the child.

I feel your pain.....my daughter, who is now six and just started the 1st grade yesterday, had terrible seperation anxiety throughout all of pre-school. Be strong and stick with it. Keep yourself upbeat in front of him (even if you are faking it, I know I was!!) Give him a couple of days to adjust, it is a big step for a little guy. You might be surprised to find in a few days he is totally fine, most children are. My daughter was not, she had sever seperation anxiety any time she was away from me, not just pre-school, so I knew if I didn't keep making her go to pre-school she would never survive Kindergarten. What made the transition easier for my daughter was I put a family picture in the side pocket of her backpack and told her we would all be with her while she was at school. I had read this in a parenting magazine. I told the teacher it was in there so she could remind her about it if she was having a moment of panic. I am happy to report that after struggling through pre-school, she went off the kindergarten on the bus last year without looking back and was sad on the weekends when there was no school! Best of luck to you!!

I have 3 kids...5 1/2 (just started Kind. this morning!), 4 and 16 months...

The best thing you can do for your son, is give him a quick kiss at the door of his classroom and leave. It makes it much worse for everyone if the moms stay and try to "make it better"...the teachers are prepared for this and they would probably tell you the same....It's SO hard to leave when they're crying, but it's best for them.

When my son started pre school, his first day was awful...they LITERALLY had to peel him off of me..kicking and screaming...it was HORRIBLE...I left him crying and I was sobbing too...but he was fine 10 minutes after that (because of course, I called the school!) and he hasn't been upset since then.

I started my kids in a little program for 2 year olds, so both my kids have been going since then (2 year program was Tu & Th from 9-1130)...just enough to mingle with other children and learn that mommy does come back.

Your little guy will be fine...just keep it quick at drop off time...
You'll be fine, mom!!

Best wishes,
J.

Hello~ We just started our 2 year old in preschool and she cried quite a bit the first couple days and then just a little the next couple days and then not at all. The teachers felt like she adjusted very quickly (Schools often give kids 6-10 weeks to adjust), so based on what you've said, it sounds like your son is doing well already. I would continue to do what you're doing as well as encouraging him to talk about his school activities, friends at school and to show you the new things he's learned.

I think it's also important to watch for signs that your child is not happy at a particular school, but if his feedback is positive you know you've done the right thing. If not, it might be time to explore other schools that are a better fit.

good luck!

i dont think there is much advice to give except that if you are calm and excited for him , he would feel your positive energy from you and be happy to go,, if you are nervous he feels that also so he is nervous... i have a child going tues to preschool for the first time also i am excited for the new experience but i also am sad because he is leaving me but he doesnt know that...
i am a mother of a 3 year old boy and a 22 month old girl
i am also a previous day care/preschool teacher so i really have a hard time because i have a real high level of expectatios from the school, so that is where my feelings are coming from... but deep down i also know he will be fine and will adjust, i know because i use to have to tell the parents in your same position...
good luck and trust me he will adjust

Best advise I can give having gone threw it twice, show the child your are extremely comfortable with his new environment, go in say goodbye and walk out. Long goodbyes just lend to there insecurity. My children would cry but most times it lasted a few minutes. With my son, I put a special stuffed animal in his bag and told him if he gets sad to look in his bag and give his "make it better bear" a pat on the head. It seemed t sooth him.

Hello fellow Mama,
It's ok to feel the way you're feeling. If you didn't I'd have to wonder. You're following your instinct about him being ready for preschool and it is the right thing to do. Parents are capable of teaching their children all kinds of stuff at home but there's something very special about what they learn when they are in a group environment. When my ex and I divorced, we decided it was time to put my little guy in a preschool rather than a private sitter. He was 2 going on 3. I struggled to potty train him. They did it in 3 weeks. He surprised me. He wimpered a few times but then was so eager to go to school everyday. Watching his older brother go into kindergarten, he thought he was going to 'big-boy school'. I took him to the store, let him pick out his own bookbag (even though he doesn't need it), his own lunchbox, etc... This got him more excited about being a Big Boy and something to talk about in his classroom. (Bookbag for show'n'tell) Whatever you do, DO NOT HANG OUT THERE thinking it will make it easier for him. Make drop off quick. Believe me when I tell you, they know you're upset even if you're trying to hide it and that will make him uneasy. He will adjust to this sooner then you think. You could even let him help you pack his lunch. Also, if they have a nap time and they require you to send in a blanket, send one in that youtwo snuggle with all the time. Whether you wash it right before you send it in or not, it's got your scent on it and he'll feel the closeness because he knows it's your snuggle blanket. One more thought...You have to watch the staff and his behavior carefully and very intently. If you're not comfortable in any way with something, chances are he isn't either. It's a must that you should be very satisfied with everything about the preschool you choose. If not, it will snowball for him whenever he has to go to school or a new grade for that matter. Hope I helped. Good luck!

Dear SC, I do not believe that children so young as three, should go to a preschool and be exposed to the academics. Unfortunately it is the way of our present education run by the political machinery which knows so little about child development. I suggest you look into the Waldorf School. My children went to this program from nursery to high school. There are also day-care-centers which follow the Waldorf way. Love, B.

Hi SC

Well I'm sure that every mom can relate with you. I remember crying my eyes out at work when I had to send my daughter to daycare. The one thing that helped me was knowing that I needed to let her go a little. You will still be a huge influence in your son's life, but there are things that we can't teach them, i.e peer social skills.

Also, speaking as a Social Worker, you may want to be mindful of your anxiety. Children tend to feed off of our emotional state. So if we are anxious, we can unconsciously make our children ambivalent. So, as hard as it may be, the best thing to do is to be positive and reward him for being a big boy who is making you proud.

Good luck!
D

When you drop him off.. tell him you are right there waiting for him. He should go have fun with his new friends.. ask him about the toys at school and which ones he likes best. My kids loved the idea that I was right outside of school.. of course when my son was 4 he said you were parked somewhere else this morning. I said I had to go home to use the bathroom.. but he felt comforted by thinking i was right outside waiting for him. Good luck..

Make sure you say a quick goodbye, and let the teacher handle it! don't feel guilty or horrible! he's 3 years old, it's a very healthy thing for hime to be in preschool and start becomimg a little more independent. soon he will make new friends and learn new things, and he will become more confident. he could be picking up your 'nervous wreck' and 'feeling horrible' cues, and he's playing them up to the max. maybe if you feel less nervous and horrible, those vibes will rub off on your son. treat him like a big boy, give him a smile, a quick hug & kiss and say goodby, i'll see you soon! then go get a cup of tea and spend some quality time with your little girl...

What makes you think it's the right thing for him right now? I'm seriously asking...not trying to sound like a smart aleck.

The reason I ask is I stay home with my children and the youngest I started any of them with preschool was when my middle son was 3 years and 2 months. He cried every day from September through the end of January. Every teacher I talked to said unless they have to be in a situation like that because of daycare, there was really no need for children to start preschool until they were 4. That year is used for them to learn the socialization of the classroom and then the next year they would do pre-K if possible now that they expect so much in Kindergarten. That was supposed to be the plan with my now 5 year old (it's what we did with our oldest) but it didn't work out that way because of finances so instead both my boys were off to school today. :(

If he struggles too much though and doesn't HAVE to be there, don't make him. You don't want school to become a negative thing for him. Give him another year if he needs it. They grow up so fast as it is.

Good luck,
L.

Your child can pick up on your emotions. If you're nervous and upset, he will think something is wrong and be nervous and upset also.

Try to relax and your positive energy will relax him. Is there a reason you're upset, try to figure out if its the place your leaving him or just the separation.

You may both need another 6 months before you're ready to start this.

Best of Luck!

S. M
EmpoweringWomenForSuccess

Hi,

I'm the mom of a 3 1/2 year old and a former elementary school teacher.

As a mom, I totally sympathize. When my little boy cries, I cry. I know that it must break your heart to leave him if he seems even a little sad. It sounds like you have done an amazing job of preparing him as well as anyone could. Some children adjust immediately to school; some take a while to get used to this big change.

As a teacher, here's my advice: bring him to school, help him unpack his bag, hug him, give him a kiss, and leave. Don't linger, don't look through the window. He might cry (mine did), he might try to hold onto you (mine did!), he even might ask you to "Please stay with me, Mommy!" (yup, mine did). But it's really best for you to leave without allowing it to become a big deal. The teachers will comfort him and distract him with fun activities and some day he will stop crying. Mine did.

I hope this helps a little!

Hi-
I know how you feel, my son starts pre-school next week. He's going two days a week for 2 1/2 hours a day. I'm really nervous too. My husband (he's an engineer also) is more nervous than I am. I know it's the best thing for him, but it's still difficult.
Good Luck-
K.

I'm so glad to hear it went well. As a prechool owner we see everything under the sun when it comes to the kids that come through the door. Some kids take a couple of months to settle in and others are fine they minute they walk through. If you feel sending your son now is the right time, the best thing you can do is be happy and upbeat about him going. Make a big deal out of his day when you pick him up. Everyone gave great advice but it sounds like he is adjusting already! Yeah Mama!!

I hope that all is working out well with you and your son. I'm going to be in he same boat as you in about another 4-5 days. My daugher is starting Pre-K on Monday 9-8 and I too have done the same thing. Talking about school and bringing her past it so on and so forth. I'm just starting to get Nervous cause she's now started to ask me will you stay with me? SO I'm curious to continue to read who your son is doing and all the advice from other moms about this. I think it's harder on us the Moms than it is on our children.

You have children the same age as mine. My daughter is 3 (turned in July) and my other daughter is 15months (will be 16months on the 10th of September)

GOOD LUCK! ~L.

Dear SC,

I am the proud owner of a preschool and I can tell you that just a small amount of crying for the first day is wonderful. I have found that children are unpredictable in the fact that when you expect them to cry they don't and vise versa. I can assure you that you are doing the right thing by sending him to socialize with his peers. I know it is hard right now seeing your child upset, however in a few weeks he will be smiling and running into see his friends. What you have been doing is great by talking about it with him. It is also my experience that sometimes boys have a more difficult time separating that girls do. One thing I do suggest to my parents is to put a picture of you in his lunch box and whenever he misses mommy he can look at your picture and know that you will be returning soon. One of my policies is to gradually transition children into school. And by that I mean one hour the first day, and maybe add a half your on each day. Children have no concept of time and if it is a short and sweet visit the experience will be worth going back and trying again. I know most preschools do not offer this however I find great success and much less tears. I think if you are having difficulty try not to show it to your child by remaining happy and positive and I am sure he will do fine. Good Luck!!!