Advice on Helping 19 Mo. Old Adjusting to Newborn........

Don't let on like this is something out of the ordinary. Let him know that this is his baby too. When the baby gets here you can let him help you, like bring you diapers and things like that. It'll make him feel like he's a part of the whole thing. I'm a mom of 3 and someone told me this early on, 'cause I was a bit concerned too. It seem to work with my three. Good luck!

The biggest mistake you can make is not letting your 17 month be involved with the new baby. I have 3 kids and one thing that I always tried to do was let them help out. If the baby would cry I would ask them what they thought we should do? Or what they thought the baby needed. This way they always felt important because I asked them what to do. Then I would let them help get the diapers the bottles or formula,or wipes. And always tell them what a good job they have done!

I hope this helps.
J.

I remember that when my daughter was born we made sure that we had a gift at the hospital for our son and told him it was from the new baby. We also tried to involve him in everything we did with her...bathing, diapers, and feeding when possible since I breast fed.

You will find a way.
Good luck,
Jen

I will not rehash what has all ready been said. the only thing I would add is, I was at home with my son when my husband got home with our daughter.( They are 19 months apart). She had seen and spent time with both of us at the hospital, but I don't think she expected to see a new baby at home( even though she had been told). When she came in I asked her if she wanted to hold the baby. After she snuggled up to me I gave her her little brother and put my arms around both of them. I never had a problem after that. she got to hold him frequently and help out as she could and wanted to.

Hi,

When my daughter was born, my son was 19 months old too. Try to include your older son in all the activities that you do with your newborn....whether it be changing diapers or changing clothes. Have him bring the wipes or something so he doesn't feel left out. Try to include some alone time with him while your husband spends time with the newborn and vice versa. I know it'll be a lot to get used to in the beginning but it does get easier as they get older. My son is around 3.5 years old now and my daughter is about to turn 2. They sometimes fight over the same toys and sometimes they would share. It just depends on their moods. But we try to give them both equal attention so no one feels any less. And we include both kids in all activities. We'll read to both of them and if one wants to do something else, either me or my husband will spend that time with the other one. They'll be just fine. Best of luck to you! Congratulations on a new baby too!

You've already gotten some good advice. Just one thing to add. ... For several months before my daughter was born and for several months after she was born, I told my son, who was 2 at the time, at least once a day, that he was going to have a new little brother or sister and that new babies need a lot of mommy's time. But I told him that just because we had somebody new didn't mean I loved him less -- that love grew so there was always enough to go around. We did the other things, too -- got the "big brother" books, bought a gift to give him at the hospital when he came to see his baby sister, and let him "help" with the baby by getting the diapers and burp cloths when we needed them. (He got to the point where occasionally, he would smell a dirty diaper before I did and bring me a diaper and tell me she needed to be changed!) And one of the other posters is right -- the great thing about having such a young one is that within a few weeks, they will be convinced that things have always been that way. I asked my son about 6 months aftr my daughter was born if he remembered what we used to do before she was born. He looked puzzled for a moment, then said confidently, "No, we've always had her!"

I haven't read the other posts, so forgive me if this is duplicate advice. I have 4 kids, so I have gone through this a few times. Luckily, none of my kids seemed to really have a problem with the baby. My advice: Give the older child some ownership. When he's around, refer to the baby as "your baby brother." Praise him greatly when he helps you by getting a diaper or a burp cloth for you. Tell him how lucky the baby is to have him as a big brother. While you'll naturally be telling him how grown-up he is, make sure that you take time to snuggle and let him be your baby too. Have fun!

I had both my boys at home (19 mo apart), and the older one had no problems adjusting to the baby, and was always very loving and protecting. (Of course, as they've grown older, he wasn't *always* loving and protecting, like when the baby would mess up his block tower, etc., but you get the idea.) He came in just a few minutes after the birth, and I was holding the baby to my chest, and I told him things like, "Look at the new baby! This is the baby that was in mommy's tummy, and now it's outside. This is your baby brother." And I had him kiss him, which he did without a problem.

Is it possible for your son to be with you when you give birth? Many people have noted that their older children have better adjustments when they're allowed to be there at the birth of the baby, or to come in soon after, rather than being away from mom for hours and then the new interloper, um, baby, is there taking all of her time.

Of course, what happens after the birth is more important, with the daily adjustment your older son will, of necessity, undergo. Try to include him in as much day-to-day things as possible, and explain things to him, even if you don't think he understands. ("Baby is nursing right now - this is how baby eats. I have to change baby's diaper now, just like I change your diapers. See how the baby smiles? He loves you! Hear the baby cry? Babies cry when they're hungry and tired - you used to be a baby, too, and you used to cry a lot.") Read him stories while you're nursing the baby, if you can manage it. Give him one-on-one time while the baby is asleep.

And some days, when both of them are crying, and both need you and only you, and both want to be the only one in your arms... it's okay just to sit on the floor and cry right along with them. It's tough having kids this close together, because the older one is sometimes still a baby, and needs to be babied. But don't worry -- you'll get through it! and then they'll be good playmates.

Let him "help" out as much as possible! Let him pick out things for baby (like outfits or a new toy from the store). Tell him that Baby loves him so much and what an awesome big brother he is. Let him sing songs with Baby. Talk to him about how much he and Baby have in common and even how much he looked like Baby when he was born.

These are ways I helped my daughter prepare and welcome my son when she was 23 months old. Some of the things we talked about as she was able to understand... but for the most part I started using these things before her brother was even born!

I am sure it will come naturally for you, but I hope this helps! =) Have an awesome labor and delivery and God Bless!

I have a 25 mo. old. She is a happy overprotective big sister. Daddy & I make sure that when visitors come they acknowledge her before grabby the new guy. We also make sure to set aside some Emma time. I get one-on-one time with her and so does daddy. We also take time alone with our new guy. Emma does still feel left out sometimes, but we are doing our best. I know you will too.

I was very sensitive to this because when my little sister was born, back in 1959, things were much different. I didn't see my mother for a week, no one talked about pregnancy, and there were no big brother/big sister visits at the hospital. I'm so thankful things have changed!

Before my second son was born I bought a gift for my oldest and hid it. Before my husband brought our oldest son to the hospital they went to the store and bought a gift for the baby. At the hospital we had the gift exchange. My oldest did regress a little, wanting to be breastfed again and having trouble with "accidents," but I knew to expect it and didn't make a fuss over it. These two are 27 and 25 now, and they're the best of friends.

Hi A.,

My boys are 18 months apart. The best advice I got was that when the older son came in to see the new baby for the first time, make sure the baby is in the bassinet. Have both of your arms free to hug and hold the older one when he walked in. Then, once he was settled sitting in the bed next to me, my husband brought the new baby to BOTH of us. He didn't feel like he had been replaced (like someone had taken his spot) and I never had a problem. I would get ready for nursing by gettng a book to read to the older one while I was nursing. He helped me get diapers and wipes. The first little while will be tough for you, but it gets to be routine really quickly. Schedule special time with him when the baby naps.

Good luck and congratulations!

Keep him involved. Make sure you have one on one time with him, like a regular thing he can count on every day.

Ways to incorporate him might be:
Snuggling & reading to him while you nurse.
Make him in charge of some "important" tasks like getting the diaper or the burp cloth or the blankie. Keep these things where he can get them to help you.

He might enjoy helping you fold the baby blankets & cloths.

During one on one time ignore the phone, the doorbell, etc so he knows he takes priority over these things.

I got my son a toy stroller & baby & we would push our babies at the mall or around the neighborhood. It will keep him busy while you get a little exercise together. He seemed to enjoy taking care of his baby, feeding it & wrapping him in a blanket etc...

Hope this is helpful!

P : )

Make him as much a part of it as you can. Get books about brothers and read them to "them". Let him feel your belly when his little brother moves. Do things special for him only, especially after the baby is born, but just make him a big part of it. Let him know how he needs to protect his baby brother, and lots and lots of love and attention. Congratulation, and God bless you and your wonderful family.

Our boys are 23 months apart. To be honest we did not do anything special. The best thing about oldest being under 2 .......2 days later and they do not remember what it's like not having a sibling. Our oldest had no interest in "helping" with the baby.Since both of my boys were very low maitenance as babies(it's a different story now:)) our lives went on as usual after our second was born. He did bonded a lot with daddy at bed time. Having 2 boys close in age is a blast!!!!!!!!!!

In MO our hospital had a big brothers/big sisters class. The cost was minimal and the kids got to make something for the new sibling. Our hospital also divided kids into age groups 12-24 months, 2-4 years,5-7 years and 8+. Each group talked to the kids in an appropiate way for their age. The older ones also learned how to change a diaper by themselves, proper way to hold a bottle for feeding and proper way to pick a baby up, hold them etc... (Obviously a toddler can't change a diaper by themselves) Check and see if the hospital that you plan to deliver at offers something along those lines. We also purchased small gift items that the siblings would like. When people came with gifts for just the baby and not the sibling we pulled out a gift from the box. That way they got something as well.

My son is 2 1/2 yrs older than our daughter. When she was born we had our son 'help' with everything. He got to get the diapers, watch her while mommy did something, sing to her while mommy fed her, hold her hand while mommy changed her, etc We also talked her up a lot about him being a big brother and having to help take care of her, teach her, etc
Our children are very close but I think it has a lot to do with how you introduce the new baby and how your older child already behaves. Our son is very mild mannered and is a good sharer. Start working on sharing, being sweet, being gentle, etc Ask him to help with anything you need. I also made sure that while the baby was sleeping I spent the time with our son. I held him when I could, I read to him, I played with him, etc I would make sure to say that since the baby is sleeping that I wanted to have time with him. Just play it up and make it exciting!!! Congrats on the new baby!

My kids are 19 months apart as well! My son is now a little over 2 and my daughter is 6 months.

The first month was really tough. The biggest advice for when the baby is first born is to let your son open all the presents. Maybe even have a present or two stashed away for him if a visitor brings one for the baby. Set up the baby's room early (if it will be a separate room) so he has time to get used to it and even play in the crib and talk about the baby with him.

My son really didn't understand what was going on even though my belly was big and we tried to talk about the baby. A book/DVD might help - Sesame Street's "Three Bears and the NEw Baby" DVD actually helped a TON!

Next piece of advice would be to say the baby is "his." It will instill ownership of his sibling. "We're going to bring home your baby tomorrow," or "What is [insert his name]'s baby's name going to be," for example.

We actually had to start disciplining my son around this time (a whole separate topic, lol) because he started acting up for attention. I don't know if it was the baby or just the age. Just be aware that this might happen.

After the first month and when the baby started getting on a schedule, things got much easier. The multiple newborn naps actually provided one-on-one time with my son, so attention wasn't as big of an issue once we got over the initial exhaustion period.

Now that she can smile and interact with him more, he is ultra helpful and really enjoys her. Now I wonder what will happen when she starts chewing on his toys...

Good luck!