Advice Needed for How to Get 15Mo Old to Quit Yelling at Me.

Ignore it. Dont give it any attention. The more you react to it the more she will do it. Trust me on this one, my 15 month old son was throwing fits and i would just walk away from it when he was doing it and in about a week he realized no one is paying attention to me while im acting this way.

I don't know about anyone else, but I have a 2 year old and we've been using time outs since she was a little over a year. It's not for long ... 1-2 minutes. I usually have to sit with her until she calms down, but it works. It gives her time to chill out and calm down. When she's really just having a temper tantrum and yelling, I sit her in time out and tell her she can get out when she's done. By 18 months she was getting up and saying "I done Mommy". :) As a mom and a teacher, I swear by time outs -- I've been known to call it "chill time" for DD.

Not too old for a time-out, but it might work to just ignore her when she does that, telling her to ask nicely or lower her voice or something. She doesn't need a long explanation, just a "not that voice" will do.

Hi - my 17 month-old also does this. Honestly I think every toddler does it by nature because they don't have the vocabulary to tell us what they want to. I really have to work h*** o* getting down to his level and either explaining why something is the way it is, or use distraction, like giving him a "job" to do (like go find the kitty). Choices are also a great tool instead of just yes or no, or you have to do such and such. Like, "after we change your diaper, do you want to eat a tangerine, or kick the soccer ball?" Also, we have made great strides in teaching him to say "help" instead of "uh-uh-uh." It's working beautifully and is SO much nicer on our ears!

Usually one of these things works, and if not, it's pretty much one of 2 things. 1) He just needs some individual time with me and I have to remember to just stop (cleaning, cooking, folding, packing for tomorrow) and chill out and play with him for awhile, everything else can wait. Or 2) He's breaking in 4 huge molars right now at the same time, and his little mouth just hurts, making him overall miserable sometimes. So frozen teething toys or if he's really in pain, Baby Tylenol. On the rare occasion that all else fails and I'm about to pull out my hair, just going outside to play (even for 15 minutes because it's still cold) or giving him a bath seems to change up the scenery for him enough to make him feel better. Patience, patience, patience, taking time for yourself (thank God for Bikram & Vinyasa yoga), and remembering to have FUN (a lot) with your little one. Those are my keys to being a good mommy to my toddler. I'm not anywhere close to perfect and I have to remind myself of those things sometimes too!! Good luck, and remember they are only little once. :)

Oh and lastly, I firmly believe that toddlers' behavior is shaped from their environment, most specifically from their parents' and caregivers' behavior. Hitting them only teaches them to hit when they get mad or frustrated. For the woman that says she swats the hands of children she watches, that just makes me sad that you are sending such a negative message to those little ones and the parents aren't even there to defend them. That sucks. I'm glad you don't watch my baby.

My daughter who is 20 mnths old started saying no. Depending on the situation if it's not dangerous or won't make me late for something I consider letting her make that choice for the moment and maybe go back to it a few minutes later. For example if I ask her to go put some of her toys away and she says no I will wait a little longer then ask her to do it again. She is actually finding out that there is some things she may have a choice on and that's what being a toddler is about testing your boundries.
As far as the screaming and throwing a fit if you can see there is nothing around that she can hurt herself with walk away and ignore it. This can be hard sometimes but as soon as she sees you don't respond to that they will start being fewer and far between tantrums.
There is no way to reason with or explain to a toddler why you want this or that or why it's wrong. they can't understand. But I do use words like that's not nice, or that's sad. Sometimes they do understand emotions. I hope this helps and good luck.
H.
P.S When my daughter was younger I taught her simple sign language for eat, more, drink, please and milk this helped her with her communication a little bit and it cut down on some of her tantrums because sometimes she was just thirsty or needed a snack. You can look up ASL and should be able to find the simple signs

Hi. I don't believe that your daughter is too young for timeout. When my daughter was about your daughter's age I started putting her in her crib or pack'n'play for timeout (with all toys, blankets, binkies, etc. removed). Only for about a minute. Then as she gets older and begins to understand the concept you can move her to a time-out chair or step.

I see you have gotten lots of advice...we give our children the correct thing to say and if they do not correct their speech, they go to the naughty corner. For example, my 2 yr old wanted more milk today. "IIIIIIIII want more milk, NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW!" Notice the whinning. Your 15 mo old may not have the verbage...so I say "Mommy could I please have some more milk? Why sure I'd be happy to get you some more milk. Thank you mommy. Your welcome." She usually repeats my conversation and we move on. Try and give her the correct words to say.

Good luck!!! I am with ya sister

R., You are a wise mother to realize that your child's behavior needs correction. 15 months is not to young to begin training towards correct behavior. Even though she can't understand everything completely it is important to talk to your daughter during non conflict times about how she talks to mom. God's word reminds all children to honor and obey their parents. Tell her that it is not ok for her to yell at Mommy, God wants her to listen to her mommy and respect her.
Though, it may take a lot of training, continue pre-teaching her about this important topic. Their are wonderful music CD's out there that teach such songs about obeying...you want to fill her mind with those things. Hide em in your heart I believe, is one of the titles.
When she does begin her tantrum, pick her up and set her on a step or a safe area. Tell her she may not talk or yell at mommy like that. (Check your own anger, it easily catches up to you....so talk calmly) She now will need to sit on the steps for 1-2 minutes. You can set a timer there to help her understand when its over.
Right now, it will be a challenge to just get her to calm down. Keep putting her on the steps. She needs to know Mommy is in charge and not her.
When the timer goes off, let her get up and give her a hug. I will be praying for you...C.

I am not sure if this will help, but this is what I do with my child. If she is yelling at me or talking to me in a manner that is inappropriate, I tell her that I will not discuss anything with her until she speaks to me in a nicer voice. Then I walk away and go about my business. Hopefully your daughter will see that if she wants to have a discussion with you, she needs to do it in a nicer way.

This totally worked for me! Good luck.

Tough love is so hard but worth it. I found at that age, walking away was the best thing. At times that did not work, I would put my son in a different room and walk away. If the behavior continued, I again would pick him up and put him back in that room (living room, play room, whatever works in your home) and walk away until he stopped. He's now a loving and pleasant 3 y.o. with wonderful manners. Remember: you are the parent and you always win!

First, are you or any others around her yelling? If so, everyone should try to speak instead. Second, she is going to go through a "bratty" time every now and then, esp. in her twos. You're right that she's a bit young for a time out and may not make the connection between the time out and her screaming. Try to concentrate on what she's trying to tell you. Even though she doesn't have the words, she is able to think and will get very frustrated when she wants something and you can't "read her mind". Caregivers learn to notice certain signals from a child that help them to figure out what their child wants. If it is perfectly clear what she wants but you are saying no and she respnds by screaming, well, just tough it out and try to ignore the screaming, or talk to her in a whisper so she has to quiet down to hear you. If you want her to do something and she responds by screaming no, don't give in to her, that will just reinforce her screaming. Once again, stick to your guns. Children this age have a lot in common with dogs, and they learn very quickly with rewards and giving in is a great reward for her screaming. You could say that giving in undoes five times not giving in, it is that important. That's why before you say no, or ask her to do something she will say no to, make sure it is worth a battle. With some kids it helps to gently put your hand over a child's mouth, it startles them and gets their attention and it conveys the message that her mouth is doing something unacceptable.

I have a 4 year old who does that and I always say " what did you say I cant undestand you because you are yelling and I cant hear you because my ears hurt." She always tones down after that.

According to Supernanny on TV, time out works best. Do you watch the show? I love it and wish there was something like that around 20 years ago when my kids were little. No I don't think she is too young but whatever you do Be Consistant. Punish bad, wrong behavior and reward good bwhavior. But follow through by both parents and grandparents

I'd probably just calmly and firmly say, "You don't talk to Mommy like that," or, "You don't behave like that."

Then, I'd make sure to not reward that behavior—even indirectly. I'd also try to be patient and wait for her to talk normally before responding to her. I might say, "I'm sorry. Mommy doesn't respond to that sort of talking/behavior."

Be the mommy that doesn't respond to that. I'd imagine she'd get the hint.

Ooh!! I could use some thoughts on this one as well!! My daughter is now 27 months old, and she doesn't scream nearly as often anymore. The only thing I did was to model appropriate behavior and words for her. Once she started talking more, I would have her repeat what I said. I never felt like it was working very well, but it was the only thing I could think of. Toddlers don't have the vocabulary to tell you what their complaint is, so they will tell you however they do. I also tried sign language, which worked very well for my son, but my daughter could have cared less. She still screams with that shrill scream at her big brother and when she doesn't like the no I gave her to a request for something. Oh yes, and when she is tired... A lot of screaming when she is tired. I'm still modeling appropriate behavior and words... No one has been able to give me any thoughts on this one either, so this is what I decided to do about it. Good luck!!

If she is old enough to act like that, she is old enough for discipline. I use "1,2,3 Magic" on all 3 of my children. Works very good, but both parents have to be persistant and consistant.

Just a heads up - they do mimick your actions! It took me a while to figure out where my toddler was getting things from - and low & behold... i found it was ME! She would say "Relax" and also put her hands up with a shrug. Sooo take the time to closely look at your actions as well as anyone in your household. Your first step is to fix those little comments by trying to eliminate or reduce them. The second is to figure out a punishment. Time outs with a time out chair work best for us. Just wait till they are teenagers!

I agree with all that was said, time outs do work, but so does treating respect (by ignoring bad behavior).

We started our girls early with time outs, especially when it came to BAD behavior like hitting, throwing toys, etc.

We also started VERY early with "pleases, thank yous and excuse mes". We go by the basic "golden rule" - we often remind them of "I don't treat you that way and I will not talk to you until you can be nice and use nice words."

I have found that by immediately de-escalating the yelling and tantruming by explaining that it's not appropriate behavior, and ignoring them until they can act civily (sp?). We started this at 1 yr old, and it's been the same words ever since.

We still have fights between our kids or tantrums when they are tired, but I keep using the same words. Golden rule. I don't treat you that way, so please don't talk to/treat me that way.

At school we learned "use your words" and "keep your hands to yourself", both have proven VERY EFFECTIVE with our kids with each other and when at play groups.

Again, for us, consistency has been the key. I believe it's never too early to teach respect and good manners.

BTW - I often get compliments on my children's good manners in public (they are now 4 1/2 and 3). They ALWAYS say please, thank you and excuse me. When people compliment me on how well behaved they are, I smile and tell people, it's not optional in our house.

Keep your cool and remember she's 1, and good at it.

Best of luck,

Sara

I watch a 20 month old and she will sit in timeout. And with my two, this little one, and anyother child I've had to watch in the past 15 years...I've always swatted their little hand and told them they don't tell me no when I tell them to do something. I'm stern and I make them do what it is that I asked anyway. No temper tantrum, no amount of crying affects me. They learn quickly that when I tell them to do something that's that.

I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old. The five year old wouldn't dream of telling me no. The three year old still tries once in a blue moon and she immediately is addressed sternly and made to do what I told her anyway. If she proceeds with a tantrum, then she is sent to timeout in her room. (no tv, no toys) She's getting it.

Good luck!! They all go through the phase and they aren't too young for discipline when they look at you before doing something you have told them not to do. If you feel she is too young for discipline, then just be sure to gently but firmly make her do what you have asked anyway. If she proceeds to pitch a tantrum, then put her in her crib and tell her that crying and screaming to get her way is not allowed. Walk out and let her cry it out. Then when she finishes...go in and ask her if she's done. Then talk to her and explain the situation. She may not understand it all but it develops a good habit for the next few years. And she will get it eventually.

She's not to young for 'time out'. It may take a little more training with it but she knows already, don't fool yourself. Remember not to yell at her or she learns "do as I say, not as I do".

I agree that you should try time out. I started with my daugher around 15 months putting her in the pack and play for 1 minute. She's two and a half now and I rarely have to resort to time outs. I usually just say, "Do you want to go in time out?" She usually responds "no" and does whatever it is I'm asking her to do.
Good Luck.

I think she is too young for time out. I have one the same age and he is starting to scream too. I calmly but very firmly tell him no scream at mommy. If he continues to throw a fit I put him up in his crib and let him have out his tantrum. I have found this to be the best approach to tantrums at this age. He is my 4th and all of mine eventually stopped this behavior once they saw that they were not getting results they liked out of it. You can not rationalize behavior with this age, just simple mommy says....is sufficient at this developmental stage. This too shall pass, just be patient.

15 months is a good time for time out. My daughter is 19 months and we do time outs. It's not extremely long - a minute maximum - and when it's done I get down and talk eye level about her behavior. The other thing to consider is why your daughter is yelling. It's frustrating for toddlers to understand so much, but not be able to fully communicate themselves. I found that giving my daughter a limited number of choices - "Do you want peaches or pears?" or "Do you want to wear the pink or brown shoes?", she felt some control. She also throws less fits when she can "help" in some way. That being said, sometimes she doesn't listen or hits and needs a time out.

I had a similar situation, and started giving my son vinegar (apple-cider vinegar) each time he screeched. It took some consistency, but now if he screeches, all I need to do is ask him if he wants vinegar and he says no and changes his tone. Vinegar is great for this because it's unpleasant to taste, but edible so not dangerous for the kids.

I think that this is the age where a time-out begins to be appropriate. They say that kids are learning cause and effect at this point, so it seems to fit. If she is fed, changed, unhurt, and is just throwing a tantrum to be willful, she should have a consequence. Even five minutes of alone time will get the point across without hurting her. If it makes you feel better, my girl is 11 months and starting the same thing. We have started time-outs when she throws a tantrum, and it works. Just be gentle and consistent.

R.,

You can defintly put your little girl in time out! You are the mommy and you deserve respect and yelling at you for any reason is not respect. It sounds like she wants to know you are in charge and she is safe. I would clamly walk her to a designated time out location, calmly say that it is not alright to speak at mommy this way and that she needs to calm down. Walk away and set a timer for 1 minute. She should sit quietly for one minute. This may be a challenge, at 1st. I have resort to using the booster seat where I could secure my son in the seat. Or you could place her in her room. You defintly want to set your boundaries with her now verses later when the stakes are much higher. Once she has calmed down you can talk with her about her behavior and that it is not how we deal with people and especially mommy. It takes time and it tugs on the heart strings, but you role as mom is to riase her for her future and that takes work. I honestly, still hate it when I have to use time out.

Good luck,
C.

My husband and I role played with our daughter when she was that old. We made it look "silly" so she would see what we see when she yells at us. It cured her, she started using her big girl nice voice. She is soon to be 8 and still checks herself.

C. R

I hate to tell you but sometimes the terrible twos start early. She is ready for time out. She sounds like she is smart. But kids love boundries and once you get her to understand that acting up will put her in time out she will get with the routine. One more thing, remember not to raise your voice...but talk to her very quietly when she is yelling. Just be consistant with talking quiet and putting her in time out and she should start to get the program. Good luck, hug her a lot, they grow up so fast. My baby is 11 years old.

My daughter is 14 months and does the same thing, hitting too. They are not too young for discipline. I was given the book toddler 411 and highly reccomend it. Time outs are discussed. We tried it this weekend for the first time. She actually sat for a whole minute! Just pick a corner or place where she can not hurt herself. could not believe it. And it is said that they understand almost everything and the screaming is out of frustration. So, good luck.

She's old enough for a time out. We started when my son was 15 months (two minutes in the pack and play with no toys or TV or making him sit in the corner of the couch for two minutes (making sure he doesn't get up). Likewise, when he throws a fit (he's now 20 months), I use the two "i's" Isolate and Ignore. The less reaction I give to his fits (and tell him that throwing a fit will not get him what he wants), the less fits he has. Likewise, if he's throwing a fit/being rude/etc, I take away what he's playing with. He's definitely learning that he's responsible for his actions. Another thing is that if he does not say please or thank you, he does not get what he wants.

15mo is never to young for time out. I tried a time out chair for my son. It didn't work. I would have to hold him in the chair and then he would get even madder and we were both frustrated. 123 magic didn't work with him either, because he would start counting along with me. I discovered Love & Logic and it works great. Now all I have to do is give him a warning and for most of the time he will stop behaving badly. I also found that counting down from 5 works better then counting up when you're giving them a chance to correct the bad behavior. I hope this helps.

It's better to nip it in the butt before it gets any worse. The naughty spot works very well with my son and we started that shortly after he turned one. We found that in order for him to really get the idea we needed to put him in a chair or something not just in the corner on the floor. Also, we ignore tantrums or screaming. If it gets to be too much for us, we put him in his bedroom and tell him he has to stay there until he calms down.
Really, take care of this now before it gets worse. I have a friend who's daughter started out doing that and they did nothing about it. Now, there have been times when we have to cut our visit short, because she's throwing tantrums and throwing things the whole time.

She is young, but this is normal for children to test the waters. It is not a problem unless you do not address it. When she does it, keep your cool and explain that it hurts mommy's feelings when she yells at you. Ask her not to yell anymore and give her an alternative response. Sometimes at that age they just can't verbalize there feelings yet and need a little help. Once you start helping her communicate she will likely stop yelling so much.

Hi R.,

my little guy has started this too... he is 16 mo. but it started about a year old. I have SOOOO had it with the high pitch screams - it plucks my nerves faster than any temper tantrum. I went to www.askdrsears.com and there seemed to be some decent advice that i have already put into action. I tried the 'ignore it' technique... it really does not seem to do much but make him more agitated, to get my attention. and essentially that's what he's trying to do... get my attention, negative or otherwise. I have found that even though my son is not saying a lot of words, he understands way more than we think. I know it sounds simplistic, but i have been telling him 'no screaming'. in our case, he screams for more food (pointing and screaming) when he still has food in his mouth. i put the fork down and say 'you will not get any more food while you are screaming'. when he stops, i give him what he was screaming about. he also does it throughout the day for various other reasons... i tell him no screaming, i put on a sad face as long as he is screaming. when he stops i smile big and say 'thank you'. if he gets out of hand, we absolutely put him in time out. i bring him to his 'chair' and tell him you sit here, you can get up when you are done screaming at me. it typically only takes a minute or two. i've read the guideline for time out is 1 minute for every year in age.

on those days where it just wont seem to end and all he does is scream. i put him in his crib and a lot of times, he falls asleep. maybe he was just tired? or maybe he really wore himself out with all the screaming he's done? who knows.. but sometimes i am just looking to stop the screaming and get a few minutes of sanity. :)

it is a phase, and it should get better when they are able to communicate better, and when we show them that screaming doesnt work.

good luck!

I read "1,2,3 Magic" and started using time outs, at 19 months?? but I remember thinking that I "could have" started it earlier. I kinda don't think that it is EVER too early. "1,2,3 Magic" was and IS really "magical"! :)
Screaming / Yelling at 15 months, . . . . it's hard for me to imagine what that looks like??
Best of Luck!!!!
~ C.

Hi R.,

My daughter is almost two now, and is going through a similar phase of becoming very angry/frustrated/loud! And it is SO embarrassing when we are in public, because you think that everyone is watching you and criticizing your parenting skills! Ack!

The first thing to remember is that she is still just a baby, and that this is normal and natural developmental phase. She can't think the way that we do, so she's not consciously thinking "I'm going to drive my mom crazy," but she's realized that this is a language that mom understands - it certainly gets your attention!

Primarily, your daughter wants to know two things - that she is heard, and that she is loved. The yelling is a new way for her to express her power, which she is just learning that she has. So it is very important that you respond CALMLY. Yelling or becoming angry only makes her understand that when she shouts, it gets your attention more intensely, which may be what she wants. Try to think of her as your best friend who is just so upset, that she doesn't know what to do. Talk to her with love and pity in your voice, so that she knows you love her.

First of all, try to keep an eye on her to notice her signs of frustration BEFORE she gets to the yelling stage. We've worked with our daughter to give her the language she wants - which is really what the yelling is all about - it's like your daughter wants to tell you some very important things, but doesn't have the words for it. So, at home, when she gets fussy and mad, get on her level and truly sympathize with her. Say, "Are you angry?" "Are you mad?" "Do you feel frustrated?" or a combination of those things. You'd be surprised how smart your little girl is and how quickly she'll catch on that you're on her side, and that you do love her. It's very important that you say this lovingly, because she can tell when you're fibbing. And pretty soon, instead of yelling, she'll be able to tell you "are you angry! (baby translation: I am angry!)" to tell you how she feels!

Secondly, make certain that when you do get angry (and we all have those times!), that you are able to talk with her about it, after you calm down. You can say things like "Mommy was SO mad!" "I felt grumpy!" "I felt angry like a dinosaur/bear/lion!" and then you can make the animal sound and invite her to join in - making her understand that EVERYONE gets angry at times, but it's okay, and we feel better afterwards. She needs to know that her anger is a real feeling, and that she is still a good person, even though she feels that way sometime - and it's good for you to know that, too!

And, if it ever gets to the point where you do end up yelling or shouting or getting out of control (try really hard not to grab or push or become physically fierce), it is important that you apologize. You can say "I'm so sorry that I yelled. I was so angry! Did you feel sad when I was yelling?" and once you've done that, make some play time out of it. Say "Was it loud? Can you be loud with me?" If you give both of you time to play with being loud, then yelling becomes less emotionally-charged.

But, above all, know that this is a phase, and that it will pass. You may miss it during the battle of wills when your daughter is 15 (people tell me that all the time, but I still can't believe it). Our daughters are great tests to us, and they help us grow in ways we never could have without them.

And, most importantly, know that you are doing a GREAT job as a mother, which is the hardest and most important job in the world. Good work (and good luck)!

Warmly,

~L.

It is definitely not to early to give her a time out, especially if she knows how to be that defiant already. You've probably heard time-outs should be one minute for each year of their age, so just stick her in a pack and play for a minute after you explain that she can't throw a fit like that or she gets a time-out. She'll start to understand, and she'll probably hate being isolated for that one minute. Doesn't hurt to try!

Good Morning,

First it's important to remember that she's not doing this TO you. She's testing her independence and learning. Sometimes I feel like we take that personally and that doesn't help us make the best decisions in the "heat" of the moment.

Also, I started giving my son time outs about 1 year old. I wanted him to know what was acceptable and what wasn't. At 1 he was given time outs for throwing toys, hitting, etc. At 3 1/2 he HATES time outs and often only needs a slight reminder about making good choices.

Hope this helps!

Hi R.,
your daugher is not to young to begin the "time out". my daugther is 2 1/2 - and you need to control it now otherwise it will get worse. she needs to know that is not okay to talk to you like that and that there are consquences to her actions. i let my daugher sit in time out until she calms down and stops crying. it does work, it just takes some time for the daughter to figure it out. but it does work...good luck!
K.

I absolutely agree with the ignoring. Don't draw any attention to it..good, bad or otherwise. Try the art of distraction. I think she will eventually catch on that her behavior isn't getting her anywhere. Good luck!

ah yes.....i remember this! My son went through a similar stage as he was gaining independance and wanting to express his opinions more. I would literally get up and walk away from him when hendid this to avoid giving him attention when he chose to throw a tantrum. If he followd me I would say "no--mommy will play with you when you calm down." Even just holding him at arms length at his eye level and repeating-calm down--would help. He learned that he would not get attention for a tantrum and to use sign language or words o express himself instead of yelling at me.

A great book i read is called "The First Three Years of Development-Raising a Happy and Healthy 3 Year old"--it was great! It talks about simple ways of helping your child realize their behavior is positive or negative and will be treated accordingly. Another method they suggested was having a gate ready and if a child misbehaves tell them " Ifyou do -----again, I am going to use the gate." If they do -----again, you set up the gate and stay in teh other side from them, preventing them access to you. When they get upset, you wait 30 seconds or so then say "Do not do---------. If youdo, I will use the gate agian" This method lets them know you are sill there, but they behaved in a negative way and therefore are being limited their ability to get your atttention.

hope some of this helps!

Just ignored her in that moment, not timeouts,instead sing, to her,teach her Nusery Rhymes,and read nice and interested and colorfull books,according to her age. Good luck.

15 month olds are definitely not too young for time-outs!!! They are actually a bit old for experiencing them for the first time. Please give your child more credit for being very smart. She needs- is crying out- for you to put limits on her. Please start giving her time-outs so that she won't spend many more days behaving badly. It is not good for her or for your relationship together. Trust me- she will be happier if you are strong with her. She is learning everything, and that includes good behavior. Don't be like a lot of parents who are afraid to be strict. You can be loving and strict. I punished my children from very early ages- the first breast-feeding bite when they were infants. But my punishments were always age- appropriate. They knew I loved them because I would at other times (not when they were misbehaving- that's not an appropriate time) tell them how much I loved them. Now at 7 and 5, they are very very well-behaved children I can take anywhere and I get compliments on their behavior all the time. Start the time-outs now!