Advice - Albuquerque, NM

Hi,
I don't want to come off as harsh, but feel lucky that your son has so many people who love him and want the best for him. You can plan your party for him and let them have theirs also, maybe you could just ask that they do it on a seperate day. I think its wonderful that they want to take him overnight, enjoy your opportunity for a night off without him. My son has one grandma and the rest are either deceased or living out of the country. I wish I had more family around to help make him feel as special as he is. Count your blessings.

Sweetie, I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but you're going to have to get some guts...or continue to deal with their interference. It may be that they don't feel they have enough time with their grandson and just want to be a bigger part of his life. But you're going to need to stand up and let them know how you feel, and show them you're willing to make an effort to understand their point of view. I'm not offering this advice lightly - I'm a non-confrontational person myself. But I've learned that other people are not mind-readers, and many are not even particularly reasonable. So in order to be understood I've really had to resolve to speak up. And get some help if you need it. Nobody says you have to go it alone!

Wish you well,
~ R.

Take it from someone who has interfering inlaws (although I love them dearly)....please have the "guts" to say something for the sake of your own sanity!!! I had the same type of situation and things never changed till I opened my mouth. I was always afraid to make waves, so to speak, so I kept my mouth shut for quite some time. If you keep things bottled up you tend to explode...exactly what I did. I apologized and we're on good terms now, but I wish I had taken the opprtunity to tell them how I felt in a more posative way. As soon as I made my feelings known things changed dramatically. When you talk to them remember this (something I recently read in a parenting magazine)...posative, negative, posative. Say something posative, then make your feelings on the subject known (yep, that would be the negative comment), and end it with another posative. For example: Thats so sweet that you guys would throw a party for my little one, but I'd really like to do it myself. But thank you so much for the offer, its so thoughtful of you!
I know what you're going through and I know its hard, but trust me...nip it in the bud as soon as possible!!! You'll be SO glad you did! :)

Looks like it's time to put these people in their place. While I'm sure their intentions are good, they need to learn to not over step their boundries. You have to speak up for yourself, otherwise they will continue to walk all over you. I'm not saying to be mean, just be tactful with a very clear this is how it's going to be speech. What does your sons father have to say about all this? Is he involved at all? Perhaps you can speak to him about it.

I know from personal experience ( if it is the dad's parents) you do not want to grow a back bone and tell them. All they want to do is help, their intensions are true. I don't know your situation but I know from mine after sitting and talking to my kids grandparents ( on the dad's side) and they said..." I know you didn't have too much money and I just wanted to help you out. I would have invited anyone you wanted" But I decieded to have 2 seperate parties and it cost a lot of money for me and now, looking back I wish I would have taken them up on their offer. You could sit down and talk to them find out what their intensions are....you may be surprised. You could also tell her that she could have her own party and do what she wants at that party. I hope this helps you a little.
~AJ

I would suggest letting them babysit once in a while, as long as they're safe to have your son around. That way they can spend time with him and spoil him as all grandparents should, and maybe they'll let up on you a little. Make sure they have all the priveledges that grandparents should. Make sure they understand your more important rules and how important it is to you that they stick by them. But all grandparents should be able to spoil their grandkids a little. And maybe let them throw their own party for your son. Let them know you're having your own party, but if they want to have one of their own, you'll be there. When I was a kid it wasn't uncommon to have cake and gifts with friends at my house and later go to my Grandma's for cake and gifts with aunts, uncles, and cousins too. Twice the fun!

Is this the Daddy's parents? Have they ever been allowed to babysit? It seems to me they are well intentioned & just love their grandchild. Entitlement seems to be a grandparents way. But I know from experience (and a friend's experience as well) that even getting a backbone can just cause more friction between you & the grandparents, which in turn makes it worse for the child. You could just have a conversation with grandma about the party. They're invited - right? Who is she wanting to invite? Are they family members? Tell her you'd just like to keep the party pretty small, and with inviting all of his little friends, that doesn't leave much room for others -- OR have 2 parties. You can get a backbone & still tread lightly. I have strict rules with my children that I STILL have to enforce with my MIL. In the end, I don't completely trust her to follow my rules. Sometimes it's just not worth the hassle. Good Luck!!

Hi H.,
If you want things to change, then you'll have to step up and get a backbone and tell them how you feel about their actions. Sometimes being 'nice' doesn't always get the message across. Get firm, be tactful, because that is YOUR child, not theirs. There is a saying that I like, "You get what you accept". Meaning, if you continue to accept this from your son's grandparents, then that's what you'll get. Choose 'NOT' to accept their behavior anymore and do something about it, for your sake, as well as your son's. Best wishes,G.

I have been around the bend quite a few times and have found one thing that works in family/friend/social/work relationships. Be direct but tactful. Be honest but willing to listen and perhaps concede a few points. In short, tell your inlaws you want to have a party, invite certain people and if okay with you, have it at their restaurant. If not, tell them; since he is a child he prefers a child geared environment. Since you don't mention a husband, I wonder if he is in the picture or perhaps his parents are doting on a grandson because they lost their son. In any event, try to make a relationship. Your son will appreciate it. Good luck.

It's simple, either tell them how you feel or suffer in silence. If you feel that you can't speak to them face to face, then call them or write it in an email. If you don't speak up then you are telling them it is okay to run your life and your childs.

I think the grandparents love your son and their intentions are good. They're are not doing this to upset you. You could talk to them in a nice way and work out something about the party. Don't burn the relationship w/your in-laws. They just want to help you out. Good luck.

Hi
from what you have said it sounds like the grandparents want to be in the childs life and babysit once in a awhile. i would embrace this idea and use it to your advantage as long as they are truly good people with a good home environment.
i understand that this is your only child and so you are protective. i sure was with my firstborn, i could tell you stories. But i think that you should let the grandparents have a party for the baby ( you dont have to attend it) and you can have yours. if you need a night to go to a movie or just relax at home or even an overnight visit, take advantage of it. i am sure that the grandparents dont mean any harm they just love the child and want to show it. you are so lucky!
good luck to you!

L., mother of 4