9 Month Old Won't Sleep on Her Own, and Now I'm in Trouble...

Use modified CIO, and start now. There is no reason a child this age should not be going to sleep on their own and staying asleep. I never had to sleep train my kids because I never let them learn bad habits. From the start I would let them cry for 5 minutes, and than go into comfort, but without removing them from the crib, just singing and rubbing softly. Once calm, leave, and if she cries again, wait anther 5 and repeat the process. She is older so it may take a few nights, but she will get it.

Are you still feeding your 9 month old on-demand?
For the 1st year of life, that is still important... so feedings at night too.... AND your child at 9 months old, this is a growth-spurt period... so they get hungrier and need more intake and feed more and more often.

Your Husband can do the feedings at night and wake for her.
It just has to be that way... because you have to rest due to your surgery and cannot lift her.
So your Husband will just have to do it.

MANY MANY babies, this age, do not sleep the whole night and still wake.
And they get hungry.

So, now with your surgery... it will take you and your Husband, to pitch-in. Even if he works.
My Husband, works and we had 2 kids... and he helped even if that meant at night, during the night, with feedings etc. Or he brought my baby to me, as I rested and recovered from my c-sections.

Or, your Husband will have to do the so called 'sleep training' because you will HAVE to rest... per your Doctor.

all the best,
Susan

Do you have family or friends that can come over to help you while your husband is working?
Does you husband have any Vacation time saved up that he can use?
Other than that I'm not really sure... Is your baby crawling? If so then that helps some because she will be more indepenent through the day.
Maybe for naptime, you could lay her in your bed and give her a bottle. You lay next to her and pat her until she falls asleep... Then you are with her comforting her but you are not lifting or holding her. Then you will only have to pick her up to put her on the bed and while she is sleeping you can too.
Good Luck!

I would not do CIO either and my son did not fall asleeep/sleep all night consistently until he was 19 months old. Your husband offered to take over night time so let him. I work/worked full time too and my husband never once got up at night to help. Yes, your husband will be very tired, I remember being so exhausted sometimes I wanted to cry. But he will get through it. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Getting our daughter to sleep through the night was a little harder than our son, but at almost 12mos, she ended up doing fine. She had been able to fall asleep while nursing and then I'd put her in the crib, but as she got around 9mos, she started staying awake and wanting to 'play'. I slowly I decreased the amount of time I would hold/rock/sway with her before putting her down in her crib. She would cry for a little as I left and after, but only for about 5-10min, then she would go to sleep. It was hard for me, to listen to her cry, but I knew she needed to learn to soothe herself, and I needed to get my sleep as well. Now she will go into her crib without crying and no crying as I leave. She has started to really enjoy going in there, and seeing her special 'sleeptime' stuffed animals. If you try to let her cry, definitely don't go in for awhile, otherwise she learns to cry for however long it takes you to come in! Good luck and I hope that helped a little.

When my daughter was around that age we had a problem with her falling asleep too quickly, but then waking up hungry every few hours. My Aunt told me to put baby cereal in her bottle during bedtime feedings to fill her up faster, making her sleep longer. I was skeptical at first because everyone says not to put cereal in the bottle, but after 8 months of 2-3 hour feedings I gave in. It worked like a charm. The first night we did it, she slept 6 hours straight. I don’t know if this relates to your struggles, but I hope it helps. Good luck. :)

It sounds like you need to look into day care for a couple of months while you are recuperating. I know it's expensive but it would give you the time to recuperate while giving your daughter a chance to be around other babies and learn some social skills. It's never too early for socialization and it would give you peace of mind that she is being taken care of while you take care of you so you can take care of her. Remember when you are on a plane and they come out with the emergency instructions, they tell you that if you are traveling with a child and have to do the oxygen mask thing, do yourself first an then the child. They tell you that for a reason. You have to be functional yourself before you can help anyone else. This is the same thing. T.

She'll be fine. She will adapt. I slept with my baby until 10 and half months. At 10 and half months we put him in the crib. It took a few nights of patting and singing and ignoring the middle of the night crying and letting him learn to put himself back to sleep, but it worked and he started sleeping 12 hours straight and still took naps. It took few hard nights then it was like a light switch and he learned he could do it himself. I didn't rush in one night and he was fine. He went back to sleep and that was it. No more night wakings! It was the best thing for everyone. He was more rested and everything was fine. let me add, my son was waking every three hours, too. It was draining.

I would definitely tackle the sleep training now, as you do have a few weeks to work on it.

That said, I don't think the best thing for your overall health right now is to be this stressed!!! Do your finances permit you hiring a night nurse for a few weeks each week after your surgery? Friends of mine have used them for newborns, but I'm sure they would be willing to work with infants as well. If you're not familiar with them, they usually come to your house from say, 8pm to 6am. You can make them fully responsible for the baby during those hours. That way you and your husband can get the full nights of sleep that you'll both need...you for your recovery and your husband in order to be productive at work. I bet they could even fully sleep train your baby in this time.

I know...it sounds a bit like "outsourcing" your parenting. But take a step back and remember what's most important during a time like this...the end goal of the WHOLE FAMILY sleeping through the night, and not necessarily how you get there.

Sending my best wishes and luck your way...

have your mom or a friend come stay with you rent free expenses paid.

I am so sorry this has happened at this age. It's so tough when we can't take care of our little ones! I was diagnosed with breast cancer last December and had a double mastectomy in January with my two small kids at home (18 months and 3 years old when I was diagnosed) and I was not allowed to pick up my kids for almost 2 months, but then I started chemo. My Mom came for a month or so, but couldn't stay all the way through my treatment, so we had to put my little one in daycare until I could function again. Would it be possible for you to hire a nanny or sitter of some kind for the short term until you're recovered enough to care for your little one? It would probably be best to have the baby at home with you at all possible at her age. I hated putting my son in daycare, but there simply wasn't another option. He's home with me now and, honestly, I think at his age, he learned a lot from being there. But, I'm happy that it was a short term thing.

If you can have a family member or friend help, that's great, but you can also look into having a nanny so that you can be around to help, but rest when you need to and not have to lift the baby. Try www.sittercity.com. I've heard good things about that site. There is another one that's great also, but I can't remember the name of it. Maybe Google it? Some of them do background checks and everything. My friend just found a nanny for her daughter on one of those sites.

I hope that you find some great answers here and I wish you the best with your surgery!

My daughter is 9months and she has been waking up a couple times in the night wanting a bottle. After asking around and seeing what other people do I realized maybe she isnt eating enough food thru out the day. Perhaps your baby is hungry...last night I feed her oatmeal and baby food fruit around 7:15pm and put her to bed with a bottle at 8pm she slept until 3:30am when she started fussing and instead of going in her room to pat her back or whatever I let her fuss and after about 10mins she put herself back to sleep. I think when you go in and talk to them they wake up even more and are ready to play...I think they get into a pattern too of waking up at a certain time..try to let her sooth herself before going in.

I am so glad that your concern is for your sweet cuddly nine month old daughter rather than yourself. She is feeling the tension right now and that may be one reason she wakes up and wants to be assured you are close by.

I see no reason to worry about any kind of training until you are completely recovered. Do you think it would be safe to have her sleep with you and your husband while you are getting your complete rest post surgery? This makes the most sense to me. Your daughter will be relaxed and comforted and you will not have to do any lifting. She will feel safe and you will know she is happy and safe beside you.

In primitive societies it was natural for babies to sleep with mommy and we have gotten away from that although I know of very happy families where they have a family bed for the first years of their childrens' lives and these chldren thrive !!

Maybe during the first days of your recovery, she may need to sleep on daddy's side, but she is very attached to mommy right now and will be for a few more months so it is good that you will be in bed a lot where she can crawl, cuddle, be read to and feel safe and not abandoned while you recover.

As you get better and up more she can feel safe to go into other areas. It is not the case that when you hold a child close as long as that is what the child needs, the child will always want to sleep with you, sit on your lap, play by your side, etc. Actually having basic needs met and feeling safe and comfortable, the child is more willing to explore the wider world. And when she starts to walk and run and go farther from you, I hope you will be strong and able to run after her.

It is actually fortunate that you will be on bed rest at a time when she will be content to be there with you and picking her up is not an issue.

I remember taking care of a sweet one year old while her mommy was in an ankle cast and told not to lift her child. The child was so frightened that her mommy would not pick her up and didn't want anyone else to do so.

great grandma N.