5 Yr Old Won't Sleep in Own Bed

Hi M.,
I have 2 teen daughters but my oldest not only sleep talked but sleep walked......... my daughter outgrew the sleep walking and occasionally still talks in her sleep but not as much as she used to.
As for the sleeping in her own bed, I would let mine fall asleep in my bed then carry her into her room, but only when she was fast asleep. You can also try "monster spray". I had a small spray bottle that I got at the dollar store. I put in nothing but water and a couple drops of perfume and food coloring. When my girls were scared of things I would go spray in the closets and under the bed and chairs , etc. They really liked the idea and it seemed to soothe them.
I hope you get relief soon. I know how hard it can be.
Welcome to California!

Have you tried taking her back into her own bed and laying with her until she falls asleep? Maybe that will help and then the sleep talking won't be an issue.

I'm not really responding to this as a 38-year-old Mom, more as someone who was once a terrified 5-year-old...

Whatever you try, please take it slowly. It's tough being so scared, and she needs lots of love and support. I spent years lying in bed trying to fall asleep, absolutely petrified, and it was pretty awful.

I would start with something that works for her, even if it doesn't work so well for you, and keep talking to her while you try to find ways to calm her fears and work towards a situation that works for everyone.

Hi! First of f all do'nt let her nap during the day too much, then give her a bath just on time before night, give her warm milk while you reading a prayer book. I bet she fall asleep before you know it! Good luck from L.

Hi M.,
Put a night light in her room, so she isn't in the dark. And you may have to spend a few nights putting her back in her own room, but you have to let her know that she can't sleep in your bed/room. That she has her own room.
I am a 50 year old mother of 4 grown children and one granddaughter, and this technique worked with all of my children.
Of course, occasionally, when she is sick it's okay for her to sleep with you, or better yet, for you to sleep in her room with her. However, right now, she has the upper hand and you have to take it back. If she comes into your room, no matter how many times a night, just take her right back into her room, cover her up and go back to your room. No dialogue is necessary. When she realizes that you mean business, she will stay in her room.
It does not traumatize children to be told "no" or to have rules enforced. It only makes them feel safe and secure.
Good Sleeping

When she falls asleep, pick up the bag & babe and put her in her own bed. E. H

We have a rule that mom and dad's bed and room is only for mom and dad, but if someone wakes up and needs us one of us will go lay in their bed until they settle down. Sometimes they just need the comfort, and it keeps the boundaries that their room is for them and yours is for you. I have a cousin who slept with her parents until she was 13, so I am very adamant about no kids in our room.

Hi M.. It is my limited experience that alot children talk in their sleep. My son (8 yrs old) talks in his sleep every night between the hours of 11 and 1. When he has friends overnight they almost all talk in their sleep as well.....and some of them walk in their sleep! (No top bunk sleeping for them!) In our case, our son sleeps with us and we have just gotten used to his talking in the night and actually delight in hearing what it is he has to say in the middle of the night. But I realize all people may not find 'delight' in being awakened in the wee hours. As a side in defense of the scared child, I have always found it strange that we parents stay closely by our child's side all during the light of day, offering security and comfort, but at night, when it is dark and scarey, we ask them to go into a room by themselves and sleep.....all alone.....while we get to go into a room with our partner and fall asleep in their arms, in security and comfort. So, given that, please consider being extra sensitive to her fears. They are likely well founded. I have a friend with the same problem....and it has been going on for several years (with her now nine year old son). In her case, she has never taken the time to truly comfort his fears, hear him out and talk out a solution together. I don't have any real advice for you, but I wish you good luck.

Regarding sleep talking-I'm 34 years old and still do it!! My husband likes to mess around with me to make me say things and eventually I realize what he is doing and get mad at him (so he says-I don't remember anything!). Used to sleep walk too, but not so much anymore. Guess us talkers just have so much to say while we are awake that it spills over into our sleep! Of course my opinion is it's normal-I dream alot!

Well I don't have much advice on the sleeping issue, as we just got our three year old into his own room and I'm sure we'll have bumps along the road. I am a very strong proponent of making sure you child feels safe - even in the middle of the night - and applaud you for letting your daughter sleep on your floor, hopefully she will gain her confidence back and move back to her room. On the sleep talking issue, I can only say what I know. I am a sleep talker, and always have been. My husband says I have conversations, and even laugh out loud in my sleep. I have even woken myself up with my talking. It is totally normal, and may never go away - sorry to tell you that! Just hang in there, try laying with her in her room at night, and maybe invest in some earplugs when she is in your room! :)

Dear Maria,
We all remember those nights that we would walk to our own mom's bed on occasion because we were scared, and sometimes she would let us crawl into bed with them. The only thing that I would be concerned about in your case is that letting your daughter sleep on your floor could become habitual and something that you may not want to encourage. It seems like she has already started to make it a habit somewhat. Obviously, you want to comfort her and help her, and it may take a few nights: You could try gently bringing her back in her room and talking to her about her fears, maybe giving her a back-rub or on occasion some warm milk to help her sleep (I notice my little one even tries to make that a habit!) Basically, as much as you want to just help her and go back to sleep yourself, I personally think that taking a couple of nights to try to comfort and talk to her in her own bed may be better for now- and for the future of your whole family! You could also try crawling into bed with her for a little while to comfort her and then going back to your bed. That way, you can still lay down and both of you wake up in your own bed. As for the sleep-talking, I wouldn't really worry about it... I'm sure both of these things will resolve in some time. Anyway, hope that everything gets better for your family regarding this.
- am

My son went through a phase of fears at bedtime. A few things I used were a dreamcatcher directly over his bed. (Get a couple so you can take them on trips too) and nightlights. The dream catcher was the best though because we told him it would protect him through the night and catch all those bad dreams (if they were dreams...he did have night terrors for a couple of years)
As for sleep talking and walking, I learned (because of my son's night terrors, then walking) that these are usually hereditary (I'm a talker, my mom was a walker and talker) I didn't delve too deeply into it because by that time, his night terrors had stopped. When he reached puberty, he started walking in his sleep more and there were a couple of incidences when he was under stress (upcoming tests, a new thing happening in his life) where he'd walk and talk then too.
As he's gotten older, it's become very infrequent though (honestly though when he first started with "needing deoderant" "mom I have hair" etc. it was more frequent)
My mother completely outgrew the walking and talking. I talk less now but occasionally when I'm over tired or if I have something heavy on my mind, I still talk in my sleep. Hubby thinks it's funny.

When my son does talk in his sleep though, I've found that what does make it shorter is talking back to him. If I talk to him, he usually stops quicker then if I let him just keep on going. I don't know why this is though but you can try it but I think the biggest issue is getting her back into her own room. Try to indentify the fears but if you can't just address them as general fears and go from there. The dreamcatcher worked great for us, but I also know some parents that would use a mister filled with water and spray "safe spray" around the room before she went to sleep and you can also tell her that her blanket is a shield for the things that might scare her. Being under her blanket is safe. Once you get her back in her room, she can talk to her hearts content. :)

my daughter is 4 and most of the time she sleeps in our bed. she said her room is too noisy, or its her stuffed animals room. I don't know how long we'll accept it but I think its ok. she does sleep sideways sometimes and throw the blankets off. that's a bit uncomfortable at times. I will hear her talk very rarely, while she's dreaming. I enjoy her telling us about her dreams the next day. Since she doesn't really have any other problems or issues with attachment and it is JUST sleeping, I guess its ok. Maybe earplugs would help you.

Hi ! as a child , i also was afraid to sleep in the dark - and one day ... visiting my auntie , she started praying with me , this was a huge revelation and my fears disappeared completly !!
Praying HELPS! AND GOD LOVES US MORE THAN WE MiGHT KNOW!

Find a reason for your daughter to want to stay in her bed. Get her favorite sheets or the greatest stuffed animal ever (that can only hang out with her when she's in bed). You may want to chat with her about what is scary. It sounds like she internalizes things throughout the day and then releases her stress or response to them in the night (waking up scared and talking in her sleep). She probably has a great imagination and is responding to the stimulis she has had all day through her nightime behavior. I hope any of that helps.

Hi Moms,
What worked for my daughter was hanging up several dream catchers above her bed. They are different sizes, different colors, and as we hung them we talked about the meaning of each one and how it would protect her. We even have one that goes on vacations with us. My daughter is 10 years old now, but because of the dream catchers she feels safe and also loves researching our indian heritage. Good Luck!! C.C.

We had the same problem as the kids grew up. We tried Indian dream catchers to catch the bad dreams and then someone suggested having the child draw a big monster on a grocery bag and stuffing it with newspapers or whatever the child thinks will scare away the bad guys. Then this is placed under the bed or where your child wants to put it. Also, does she have a night light in her room?

Hope this helps.

I am not an expert on sleep but talking is not a sign of sleeping well. How does she sound? If she is mumbling happily and has always done so then maybe this won't ever change. If she is talking in stress as if a bad dream then this will go away when she sleeps better.

A dream catcher is a brilliant thing - I would use this and make her feel secure.
Make sure she also has night routine, a bath, a story, warm milk etc to get her in the wind down mood.

my 3 yr old ds talks in his sleep, too (additionally, he/we also suffer from his night terrors at times). Once I can figure out that he is merely sleep talking, than I can go back to sleep. I sympathize with living with sleep deprivation, but I think this is just the make-up of some children. good luck.

Your training your daughter to come to your room. It's been my experience when a child grinds their teeth, walks or talks in their sleep there is something on their mind that is consuming their thoughts or that they are feeling worried. I suggest that when your spending time with your daughter really listen to what she has to say. And, ask her in casual conversation about what kinds of things bug her or if there is anything she is worried or would like to talk about. Maybe starting a new school, new teacher, a certain classmate, it could be anything that causes her feelings of uncertainty or insecure. Then, think about whether there have been any significant changes or something that has disrupted your day to day schedule. As long as you have a sleeping bag next to your bed she knows she has your permission to come in your room and that she now has a place in your room where she can now sleep. Your better off to walk her back to her room and stay with her until she is asleep. Key to change or stopping anything you know longer want to continue and then enforcing it, is CONSISTENCY. You may have to suffer a week of her crying or not getting a good night sleep but once she knows and understands her boundries sleeping through the night will become normal. Make sure she has a nice warm bath and maybe some warm milk with one cookie before putting her to sleep. You could also try letting her listen to some music that she likes to hear on the radio when you put her to bed. Good Luck! No worries. . . This too shall pass and then there will be something new that will give you cause for concern and worry about.

ok, buy a new scent of air freshener. My son was having bad dinosaur nightmares, so I made a new label with a photo copy of a T-Rex and I drew a big Red circle with a line thru it. You know.. Like a NO Dinosaurs sign. Anti Dino spray!!
Make a new label that will help your daughter, like one with hearts on it saying Mother's Love. If she can smell it, it will protect her. Cheap and she can spray a small amount if she wakes up during the night. Good Luck, P.

OMG i just wrote a whole bunch as a reply and my entire response got deleted because of my internet connection!!! how frustrating.

Anyway this time I'll make it short (yeah sure). We have a 5 year old boy that also is afraid of sleeping in his room, he's scared of the dark and of monsters. For awhile, he'd end up in our bed. Now, we leave his bathroom light on and also a night light near his bed. He also has a reward chart where he collects stickers for new toys. We give him two stickers for being able to sleep in his room all night successfully and one sticker if we have to get up and tuck him back in. He's doing pretty well with this and gets pretty excited about filling up his rows of stickers...

But on the weekends, we are more lenient and sometimes we let him sleep on the floor of our room with a futon mattress. He's still afraid of the dark even if he's sleeping on our floor so I have to keep a night light next to him.

It's a coincidence, because our son also talks in his sleep and sometimes he cries out for no reason. I think it's because he's having bad dreams. But the sleep talking isn't as constant, and I figure it's natural because I also talk in my sleep sometimes. Hey, it's better than snoring! lol good luck...hope it works for you too.

I remember my nephew going throught the same thing when he was little. His mom gave him a spray bottle to sray 'the scary things.' The next morning his room was was soaked! LOL! I told her to try hanging a picture of Christ next to his bad on the wall and expalin to him who he is and that he will protect him. It worked. After the initial explaination (I think they may have said a prayer before bed asking for help in the sleeping/ scary things department) he didn't wake up at night again. I think the security of having someone watching over him while he slept helped a lot. Not sure of your religious background, but this can be incorrperated into it I'm sure.

Dear M.,

I had the same problem with my son. I ended up getting a light for his room. Now at first it was hard having to get up every hour and put him to bed. But our theripst told us that when they come to the room to pick them up and take them to their room. Sit next to them read them a book until they fall alseep. Also, spray some vanilla on their blanket or pillow and that helps. Believe me after a few weeks he started sleeping in his room. Alone! Plus if you have any stuff animals or clowns that are facing the bed that is also something else that can scare them. Make sure you put them away. And find something that she would like to sleep with. Believe me it really helps.

Good Luck
J.

Hi M.,

I had the same problem with my son. I was a single mom so the incentive wasn't even there to get him to sleep on his own but I knew it was important. Here's what I did. I talked with him ahead of time and told him that he needed to be in his OWN bed and that starting that night if he came in I would put him back to his own bed. Sure enough that night he came in and I got up and very lovingly took him back to his bed and just cuddled him a little and talked to him for about 3 minutes. He would fall immediately back to sleep. 3 days later he never got up again. He's now 21 and very loving and independant. Good luck.

L. Lee

Hi, M.. My son is 5 yrs old too and lately, he's been wanting to jump into bed with us because he says he is scared. Fortunately, he has an older sister and one time out of the week, they have a "sleepover" and sometimes we will have a sleepover on my bed. I just let him know and reassure him that there is nothing to be scared of and I always tell him that he is a big and brave boy and he usually falls asleep when I read him a book at night and scratch his back. Just tell your daughter that she can have a sleepover once in awhile, but she needs to stay in her own bed. This is important because when I was a child, I always slept with my parents or a sibling. We didn't have enough room to be by ourselves, but now that I'm older (31 yrs old) I still get a little scared to be alone in a room at night. Every sound kinda scares me. If my husband is out of town, I have the tv on all night until I fall asleep or I tell my kids to come and sleep next to me. Your child will be more secure later on in life when she conquers her fears and can be alone by herself in her room. Good luck...I.