5 Yr. Old Strong Willed Boy

I was the one still wiping my 5 year old and my husband said, "Enough!" So, I bought the kandoo wipes in their own little pop-up container. They are easier for my son to use and I feel do a better job than regular toilet paper. They smell nice and it was a novelty that he only got to use them after he finished going #2. I let him go through 2 packs and as he neared the end of the package, I told him once these run out he'll have to start using toilet paper. Now, my second son is 5 and he uses the kandoo wipes. If he uses another bathroom besides his own, he'll ask me to go get his "wipies".

OMG! This was my case until a month ago, And my child is six. I finally just quit. He screamed and threw fits and fought it but I stood there and finally put my foot down and made him get toilet paper, I held his wrist, directed it and made him wipe his own bottom. Then after a couple of times of doing that I said, I wasn't going to do that anymore. He was going to do it all himself. He threw a fit about that. I MEAN A MAJOR FIT> I mean after all, I had been doing it for SIX years for him. What did I expect? But, you know what he did it! I just kept telling him he had to and I wasn't going back on it. I also made him wash his hands afterwards and didn't put the soap on his hands for him and all that jazz. I had really babied him WAY TOO MUCH for WAY TOO LONG! He is in FIRST grade and those teachers don't do all that for him! Last year in kinder, he had major bathroom issues at school and I should have taken care of all this a long time ago. I feel your pain. I truly do. Do like me and make up your mind and don't go back. If I can do this and my son can finally do this, so can you and your son! I PROMISE! As for checking him, I don't even do that. I told him his teachers won't do that so neither do I. He takes a bath everynight so that takes care of that. He has to become independent in that area. He is six. It was all or none for us at this point in time. I have an almost three year old I am working on potty training and as soon as I can get him to poop in the potty I am getting him to learn to wipe his own bottom from day one! I will check him and finish up b/c he is so young though. But I won't just do it all for him. He needs to learn the skill along with the skill of using the potty. That was the mistake I made with my older son. I did that part for him and never gave him the chance. Sorry I was long winded; I just truly empathize!!!
PS
Tieing his own shoes hasn't even come up yet. I need to tackle that. We just use velcro.

I know it sounds cruel, but let him get a rash from sitting in the poo for the rest of the day. Then you can explain how it got there and he will surely wipe next time.

As for the shoes, just wait till he starts school and he sees how many of his classmates already know how. Peer pressure can work in a possitive way here. :o)

I hope it helps. :o)

Blessings,

P. <><

I wouldn't worry about the shoe thing. My boys never seemed to get the hang of it until they were about 7-8yrs. I just bough velcro etc. until they could handle it. The frustration wasn't worth it, nor the many untied shoes constantly needing to be re-tied or unknotted when double knotted. So until they can tie their own shoes then they get something easy on all of us. He will get eventually.
As for the wiping thing, sounds like you need some firm boundaries. You also need to get your hubby to start the process, that might help
Good Luck,
L.

Hello B.,

there is a fine line between helping and hindering. I agree with you. My son cannot tie his shoes yet (he wants to get it right on the first try!) so I'm not stressing about that. about the personal higiene, my son was more independent than my daughter. she ended up w/ an uti so I still wipe her from time to time. not every time, just a couple of times/ week when she gets out of the shower in the morning. the rest of the time she does it herself. since then, no uti's and seldom gets irritation/burning when urinating. of course she's older now too.
I know my son liked the kids wet wipes (not the baby wipes) but the other ones. I forget the brand...it's been a while. those usually have some cartoons characters on it.
Good luck! it will get better (smile) ~C.~

My son is the same way.. Its other family that has done everything for him...We talk to him about how its important that he does things on his own. And to be honest I have left him on the toilet for a while till he wipes himself.
The shoe thing... he is only 5 take baby steps with it make it fun. One day the light will come on.
Keep your chin up and he will too... Good luck

My son just turned 5, he has been wipeing on his own for over a year but I do check him to make sure hes clean. I just told him in a positive way to wipe his own hinnie because he may be somewhere like school and go potty and no one is going to wipe him. Make like a big boy accoplishment. I just had him sit on the potty and told him after wiped himself and I showed him how he would get to watch tv or you can use what ever works for him, but make it positive. On the tieing his shoe we have just barely worked on it, he wears velcro most the time. Give it time and make it positive.

Our youngest son did not want to wipe himself... Finally before kindergarten he had to learn. He was afraid of getting poop on himself. I bought him some wet ones, Kandoos in a lime green container that he uses after the tissue, he liked this idea. We also had to leave him in there and not go to his rescue. He needed a little coaching on how to wipe too. Of course we would check to be sure he was clean. He is 8 now and now uses regular wet ones, which is fine to be sure he is clean.
Good Luck

Have wipes handy.
It is a gross thing, but it takes alot of practice to do. Honestly, my son will turn 5 Oct^th and I make him let me check-ugh the stains... When I taught PreK I had plastic gloves handy for kids to use. Tey'd put glove on the 'working hand' and use the wet wipes to clean. One swipe, through it out get a new one. Repeat until wipes swipe clea. Gross (yet clean!), costly, but effective for independence.
Lasylt, supervise until YOU feel he's go it.

I'm going through the same thing with my almost 4 year old son. He just doesn't want to wipe. It drives me crazy. I helped him when he first started going in the potty because he seemed so small and young and with him being my first, I didn't know how to go about teaching him to do it. Now it's a hassel. I'm going to try some of the things people have said. Thanks for bringing this up.

My duaghter did not want ot mess up. She always wanted to do everythign herself but only if she could do it right. I of course gave her the talk before everything....this is practice, you have to practice to be good etc... Blah blah blah. But i found out that if i showed her how to do it and then left her alone,maybe even in her room if possible, and let her work on it. She was so determined that she usually could do it all by herself. Of course i would hear her in there grunting and whining and sometimes she would storm out. I would re-show her or break down the steps and then leave again. Of course i had to explain that this cannot be done all of the time. Like when she started soccer. She cried the first few practices but swore she loved it. She just hated not knowing how to do it. We worked at home and she worked by herself, dribbling the ball everywhere. The first game she made a goal and was hooked. 3 years later she is was awarded most valuable player. She is good b/c she wants to be. She put everything into it. I know this so i do limit her on activities and that has been great. Also, if she wants to try something new now that she is older, i rent a movie, find a book, go watch someone else and try to find a way she can 'get ready' at home before she tries it. Her independence was difficult when she was younger b/c her language skills jsut couldn't say everythign she was feeling. Now she is awesome to watch. She is full throttle and 110% at all times. Enjoy!

It is not unusual for a 5 yr old to not be able to tie his/her shoes. My neice was the only child in her kindergarden class that could tie her shoes. As far as the wiping goes, I know many children who dont do it themselves. The problem with the wiping is that the teacher will not do it at school.

I have similar issues with my 6 year old - they are over different things, but she is VERY strong-willed and when she gets frustrated she won't even try. If it is something important that she needs to do, that I feel certain if she tried hard enough she could do it, then I tend to find a good reward for doing it (yes, essentially I bribe her). Then once she figures out she can do it, the next time I tell her "you did it last time, you can do it again" and that almost always works. I just have to get her thru the frustration of figuring it out the first time. (oh, and I buy velcro shoes!!) Good luck!!

Kan doos worked the trick for us. They stay moist and make it easier for the kiddos. There is a holder for them and you just buy the refills. My oldest took right to it (once we got the kandoos) and I only needed to quality control check him for a week or so til he had it perfect. My youngest is working on it now with a little more frustration. He wants the attention he used to get but we are talking up being independant and doing things on our own. Good luck

In our house, at the age of 5 Mommy is no longer responsible for wiping bottoms. I made sure several months before that birthday that they were reminded everytime I wiped for them. Then like magic on the day of the 5th birthday all 4 of my kids could do it on their own. Let him pick a day on the calendar and start reminding him of his big kid day coming up and that is when he is responsible for himself. Cross off each day so he knows its coming up. Give lots of praise, but don't even offer to wipe & check...let him wipe and show you the clean paper.

I have an almost 3 year old that acts the same way. It's partly my fault because I would do stuff for him constantly, just because most of the time it was easier. Now he will get lazy and want something and tell me to get it for him and I tell him you want it you get it. He of course whines and throws a fit for a minute then he'll go get it. We are in the middle of potty training so I haven't gotten to the wiping part yet. I think you just have to show them, you want this done and they are fully capable of doing it; then you do it, and if you don't then I guess you'll just sit there. If you don't they are going to run you ragged.
I think Boys in general are high spirited human beings. I must say I don't think it goes away as an adult. :)
Just my 2 cents.