10-Month Old Boy Is Not Only Strong, but Rough

(Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle...) :)
I've got 3 boys- 6, 4 and 1.
My 6 yo is the sensitive, timid, affectionate type- every mother's dream.
My 4 yo thinks that walking by me and slugging me is the sweetest thing he can do with me. He's big, strong and rough. And very squirrely. He's most dad's dream.
My 1 yo is ok, and snuggles sometimes. Other times, he wants nothing to do with me and wants to be thrown in the air with Daddy, or thrown on the couch by Daddy. He's a rough little boy at heart too.
Sounds like you have a roughhouser.
Like you said, just keep reenforcing that Mommy doesn't like (________ whatever he's doing). Daddy will probably have to be on top of roughing him up (even at 10 months) so he feels like he's getting it out of his system.

Hi L.,
I think yes it is too early to assume he's a brute (there are plenty of seeming "brutes" out there that are gentle & highly intelligent).
You're right about OUCH. I added "That hurts! Use GENTLE hands." While putting my hands over my DD's and showing her what gentle feels like (repeat over and over and over). I also learned to compliment her on her "gentle hands" when I saw her using them. I thought my daughter might be brutish but with repetition and practice she's learned the difference between rough and gentle.

I don't have a boy yet, my husband has mentioned a dad's role of roughhousing with his son, that it's an important part of male development. Have you considered this?

Good luck and good mommin'!

Hello L.,

I'm sorry to read that your having a hard time with your little one. It is quite common for infants to not be aware of their own strength, this is why they advise you to keep them away from your face (eyes, hair, etc..) because they really have no control over their reflexes and grip at this point. And they really can't judge distance that well either. I don't have a magical answer for you, but consistency is the name of the game, and what you're doing (saying no) is the right answer. What worked for me when my son was this age was to take each of his hands in my hand, look him directly in the eye and very firmly tell him NO. I think the key, is to make sure that he's looking at you. Males are hard-wired to 'hear' you better when they're looking directly at your face.

Good luck and keep cool.

I don't have much advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. As I read your request, it was almost as if I'd written it myself--minus the part about your 3.5 year old daughter. Oh, and the black eye. My first-born son is 11 months old, and he's drawn tears on several occasions...he excitedly slaps me in the face, pulls my hair HARD, and bonks me on the bridge of my nose all the time. Each time, I grab his hands and say "NO," but he just smiles and sometimes even laughs. Like you, I sincerely hope this is just a phase and that he'll get better. We're just trying to be diligent in keeping the reaction the same, and hopefully he'll learn. I feel for you!

L., I have a strong rough 18 month old boy that sounds just like yours- the hair pulling, the biting, the gripping of my skin so hard that it hurts (his favorite is the skin on my neck- ouch!!)- I say "ouch" and "NO" and he thinks it's funny and laughs. I agree with some of the other posts about body language- I make a sad face and tell him "that hurts mommy" and "be gentle!" by showing him what gentle hands are. He seems to be getting better- I truly think he's just excited and affectionate and doesn't know that he's being hurtful. Sometimes it is frustration, too and he needs re-direction and distraction. Keep praising him when he is gentle. Bit by bit they will start getting it and understand that you don't like it. Hang in there!

Don't count on the sweet cuddly toddler part, hee hee. He sounds like a boy indeed!!

I have a little boy that is four that too could be rough as a baby, just when he had a hold of my hair, HE REALLY had a hold if and a lot of the same scenarios you are speaking of.

What worked for us is if you set him down and away from you every time he goes cross the line of being fun and then too rough. I would pick my son back up in a few minutes and hug and kiss him and say "be sweet and nice, isn't this nice?"

When my son would pull my hair, I would set him down immediately and say firmly "NOT NICE!!" and yes, it would upset him but it took a while and then he figured it out.
He would get hand fulls of my poor daughter's hair!

If he does it when you nurse him, put him down immediately!
As far as head butting, must be a boy thing but he will get past it, especially when he starts figuring out it hurts! :) My son did that a few times to me. I just kept his head away from my face so not to cause injury. I don't think it is out of any kind of being mean more like it is just common for boys to get rough and like that stuff.

As he got older we just had clear rules of boundaries in what was fun wrestling and tickling vs. going beyond with pain or being too rough. He gets it now but loves to get all silly and tickle and wrestle! My kids are 3 years apart too and I am a single mom raising a little boy so I am learning as I go.

There are many times he still wants to curl up in my lap and be loved on and is so full of hugs and kisses, but then there are others he is a normal boy and wants to wrestle and get rough!

It's just a phase...give it a month and it should lighten up! As a mom of only boys, be assured that he is testing his manhood out already! It will smooth out soon! Best of luck!

Hi L.,
I have to laugh as I read this because I too have an 11 month old brute of a son. He loves to kiss and snuggle but he is just so rough about it that he often leaves behind scratches and red marks. I will be keeping on eye, to see what kind of advise you get. Thanks for posting this question and good luck. =)

THis might sound silly, but fake cry when he hurts you. Both my kids went through a pinching/hair pulling phase (it really hurts!), and they both bit me while nursing. I would fake cry and say, "you really hurt mommy!" It seemed to work. I only had to do it a few times.

I wouldn't worry. He is a boy and will be rougher than a girl. They don't really know that they are being rough at this age and everything is for affection and fun. It is completely okay to say "no" and start saying "owee" with a concerned look because they do understand body language. He will eventually understand what "owee" means and "no" and comply a little more. I have 6 boys and they have all been rough little boys. Headbutts have been a common occurence in our home and they really do think they are being playful. The boys all became little, playful cuddly boys. I have one little girl and it is amazing that at 10 months she is so different then the boys were at this age. She doesn't like to rough house with daddy like the boys did at this age. She does love to cuddle right now and the boys just wanted down to run around. So, I say, be consistent with the "no" and "owee" and he will get better with that but do understand that boys are very different then girls and he will always have a little rougher behavior than your daughter. Don't let him get away with being mean or he will think it is "okay" to hurt people but do let him be a rough and tumble little guy!!!

He's way to young to have any of the motives that we generally find in bullies. He's just experimenting with cause and effect. Continue with telling him "No, that hurts" and leaving the room. Also give him lots of love, cuddles, and praise when he's being more gentle.

There is a good chance he may become a cuddley kid. Both my boys are "all boy" when they play - rough and tumble, active, all that. But they are still the biggest cuddlebugs with me. Even at 7 and 5 they love to curl up in my lap and they will run into the room just for a kiss and to say "I love you." Part of it is temperament (my 10-year-old daughter has never been one to cuddle), but it's also how you love them when they're little. Continue with all the love you give your kids, and they'll return it to you.

I too have rough and tumble wonderful son! He went through all the things that you speak of hairpulling (which has stopped), hitting, throwing, etc...I believe some are phases some are boys will be boys which sometimes is fustrating. You are not the only one going through it I do put him in time out and it does deter him sometimes :).

L.,
don't worry about a thing!! LOL
My son was the exact same way as a toddler. strong, did not know his strenghts, played rough (with a grin), etc. I remember he bit my leg on the thigh because he was soo excited to see me, it was like he couldn't hug me tight enough. I can picture him now looking back and I have to laugh and smile, those were cute times actually. At pre-school, he was very sweet and well liked. However, would get in little scuffles with other head strong little boys. He learned little lessons along the way but held his own and was not ever bullied nor did he bully others. He also cuddled all of the time up until 4th or 5th grade.
My boy is now 16. Driving...
He has theee biggest heart, he is popular, he is an athelete, he makes good decisions and guess what... he plays rough still. we love to watch him use his strenghts in sports it channels that extra burst of energy. As soon as he was old enough we put him in sports, soccer, baseball and basketball because he was so strong and a bit aggressive sometims. He loved to be busy. They choose they're favorite sports along the way and eventually just stick with what they like (he's my football player who give the best hugs) You still have a few years to start that but if your baby is sweet and genuine, you wont have any probs. Just channel his abilities and all will be good. Have Fun (I too have a 3.5 yr old daughter now however does not cuddle with anyone except with me on rare occassion)

L.,

The sweet nature/rough touches sound alot like my 9 month old.

When he really hurts me, I put him down right away and he also cries like he is devastated. I think the fact that your son also cries like he is devastated means that he really cares what you think/do and that he feels the rejection/discipline. This sensitivity to you will help in breaking this habit.

I have added two tools to my "discourage hurting mommy" toolset - I let him see my face, very sad and almost crying so he can understand what he did (sometimes I just have to cry out and show him my face and he starts to cry) and/or I put him down very abruptly and sit down a few feet from him. He starts to cry and crawls over, very loving. I find that this sends him the message that he hurt me, but also that I am still here for him.

I have made choices about what he can and can't do - the biting is not OK, playing with my lips are ok but not pinching them, and holding on to my hair is OK (he hasn't pulled it yet but he ALWAYS holds on to it like a handle).

In other words, I'm focusing on the stuff that hurts me the most and that I think he can most control.

while I am not a parent, I was a preschool teacher for a dozen years and have worked with young kids for over 25 years now. My first advice for you is to look at your child's eyes as he engages in some of the "potentially diabolical" behavior. Often, kids will look at you askance when they are aware that they are doing something they ought not. As for it being a "phase" or not, I'll leave that to the mom experts who have lived with these scenarios day in and out.
Best of success with your situation.
D.