42 answers

Question for Moms of Only Children - Dallas,TX

My husband and I are currently trying to decide if we would like to try for a 2nd child. My husband is 40 and I am 37 and we have a 14 month old daughter. Our daughter was conceived after years of fertility treatments, so there is no guarantee we could have a 2nd one anyway.

My question is.....do you feel any regrets only having one child? What are the positives and negatives that you've seen? Do you feel your child is well adjusted or do you feel they would have benefitted from a sibling?

I'm very much struggling with the decision because for us it is a very heavy financial burden just to ATTEMPT to have a 2nd child (whether by IVF or adoption), plus the physical and emotional toll it takes can be very taxing. On the other hand there is a huge part of me that feels I might regret not even trying for a 2nd....for us as well as for my daughter. She has one cousin who is quite a bit older than her and she doesn't see very much and the majority of our close friends have children much older than she is.

2 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thanks to everyone for your responses. It has given me a lot to think about and consider. I very much appreciate your heartfelt thoughts and responses. It sounds like you all have wonderful families and beautiful children!

It's so nice to have a place where you can come and share your thoughts and fears and get support without judgement. We have been so very blessed with our daughter and I know my husband and I will eventually reach the right decision for our family.

Thanks again!

Featured Answers

I love love love only having one child, and I would not change it for anything in the world. LeeLee said it all!

3 moms found this helpful

Hi,
I have 2 kids but I was 25 when I had my first.. but I wanted to answers anyways hope you don't mind.. I was an only child.. my mom was 38yrs old when she had me.. I was 2and half pounds..34 years ago.. she did fertility treatments.. and when I was born the doctor told her no more children.. I had a wonderful childhood.. and have such a close bond with my parents.. to this day I live 10 min away from them.. I see them at least 5 times a week.. I had lots of friends and was never lonely.. Have her get involed in activites she likes weather it be sports, art class, swimming.. thats how I made friends(when I was older) go to the local library for story time now.. I never thought anything of being an only child.. My mom said she never had any regrets and was so thankful.. Big hugs and best of luck.
L.

3 moms found this helpful

I never intended to have just one child, but that is exactly what happened. I tried for years (fertility treatments) and I was never able to conceive again. My daughter is very well adjusted, in spite, of many set backs. Her father pretty much "threw her away" which resulted in clinical depression. She also has multiple learning disabilities. She is now almost finished with a college degree and is happy and content with her life and herself. Not having a sibling isn't a sentence to an unhappy life. Just love her and she will be awesome!

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Hello,
We have an only and we also had a difficult time getting pregnant and the childbirth was also challenging. Funny, though, I've always just wanted one child. While the new mommy hormones were coursing through me, I briefly thought of having another, then really thought about it and talked it through w/ my husband and we're super content w/ one and have no regrets.

Here are my views on our only child (I've posted this before when similar questions come up):

1. One child is less stressful! My patience is rarely stretched too thin (I'm NOT a very patient person by nature)

2. More funds on hand for outings/vacations -- we LOVE to travel

3. More one on one time with our child

4. No sibling rivalry or fighting

5. More time with my husband at night

6. Easier to focus on one child's homework at night

7. We only have a two bedroom house :)

8. Saving for college will be easier

9. My husband and I never have to "divide and conquer" as I see all of our friends having to do w/ their multiple kids

10. After nursing for 21 months, my boobs are still in pretty good shape. Doing it again? Forgetaboutit!!

11. I have the energy to play with our daughter!

12. Every little thing is special w/ our daughter :)

13. Family is very willing to watch one child while we have our adult time. Two or more? Don't think that would happen.

14. We honestly couldn't afford another child, whethere we were up for it or not

15. For us, one child is easier on our marriage

16. We're the 3 muskateers and a really close family

17. I never have to go through infancy stage again!

8 moms found this helpful

Well, I certainly wouldn't buy into the old-fashioned stereotypes of only children being spoiled and selfish. All the adult only children I know are wonderful, generous people --much better than some who grew up with sibs! (I grew up fighting my older brother for the rare "treat" that got brought into the house, and, I have to admit, my husband laughs at me now for how defensive I get about sharing food! LOL)

I think only children really have a lot of advantages, and, don't forget that they don't know what it's like to have a sibling, so they can't really miss what they never had. Yes, sometimes they may wish for one, but all the only children I know were very happy to grow up as onlies, and my own son (who's an only) has stated unequivocally that he does NOT want a sibling. Personally, I didn't see a lot of advantages in my experiences with my own siblings, but others may have a different story. I think onlies tend to be closer to their parents, and really, it's YOU who teaches them what they need to know to get through life, not a sibling.

When it comes down to it, it really needs to be a decision based on you wanting another child, not what you think your daughter needs. She'll be just fine!

4 moms found this helpful

I was 40 (DH was 45) when my son was born (he is 5-1/2). I have NEVER had any desire whatsoever for another. My son has never asked for a sibling.
The negatives:T

The brain deadening sleep deprived complete exhaustion of having an infant (harder than internship and residency IMO), diapers, strollers, diaper bags and all the logistic issues.

Making my 5 year old share his parents with a new intruder (sorry, that's how it seems to me).

The finances - college for two kids is really $$$ and I would never consider a child if I was not certain I could provide for him.

The possibility of having a disabled child who will completely change our family dynamic. While parents certainly love all their children, the siblings of disabled children often receive much less time and attention than they did before. I would not risk that. Many marriages do not survive an ill or disabled child - I would not risk my marriage or take that chance for my son.

The positives - everything that came with the child I already have. And I am just fine living with memories of when he was an infant. I don't need to do it over.

4 moms found this helpful

I am the mother of an almost 9 year old daughter (only) and I love it. I struggled with it for a bit, as I have 3 sibs that I am pretty close to. But one thing I always yearned for as a kid was privacy, and my own space. My daughter is very social, has tons of friends, and is very well adjusted, but she is the same way as me. When she is done, she enjoys her time alone. She can entertain herself for hours and is rarely bored. I find many kids either get too much attention, or not enough, so they are constantly looking for it elsewhere. I love all the things that Lee Lee pointed out below! I can take my daughter anywhere, from travel to nice restaurants because she has always dined with adults and has excellent manners. It is also much, much better on your marriage and finances.

3 moms found this helpful

Hi,
I have 2 kids but I was 25 when I had my first.. but I wanted to answers anyways hope you don't mind.. I was an only child.. my mom was 38yrs old when she had me.. I was 2and half pounds..34 years ago.. she did fertility treatments.. and when I was born the doctor told her no more children.. I had a wonderful childhood.. and have such a close bond with my parents.. to this day I live 10 min away from them.. I see them at least 5 times a week.. I had lots of friends and was never lonely.. Have her get involed in activites she likes weather it be sports, art class, swimming.. thats how I made friends(when I was older) go to the local library for story time now.. I never thought anything of being an only child.. My mom said she never had any regrets and was so thankful.. Big hugs and best of luck.
L.

3 moms found this helpful

I love love love only having one child, and I would not change it for anything in the world. LeeLee said it all!

3 moms found this helpful

Our only daughter (16 ) is an only by choice and I've not had 1 regret whatsoever.

We love our family as it is. She is not a spoiled brat, she is learning our family business. She is driven to excel and well on her way. She is cared for financially for college and for when we are gone. We are a very stable and secure family, we tend to ourselves and take care of each other.

There are no guarantees siblings will be close and there is so much hype that is BS about onlies.

There are no right or wrong answers... Do what's best for your family.
If I had everything to do over.... I would not change a thing.

3 moms found this helpful

My daughter is an only child and loves it. She is 7 and is extremely sweet and kind. Being an only child has not made her "spoiled" in any way. Plus there is always peace in our home. And the family finances can cover more things for her to do and experience. She's very outgoing and makes friends easily. I know what you are going through - we debated about having a second one too. But now I am so glad that we did not (especially upon returning from someone else's house where siblings are at war.)

2 moms found this helpful

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