Only Child? - Durant,OK

I am the mother of an only child and I can tell you she always wished for a sibling! She never considered that the two of us were a "family." She wanted a dad and siblings like the other kids. She has never gotten over it and does wish she had a brother or sister that she could be close with. BUT she has five children now and ALL of them wish they were only children! I think the grass is always greener on the other side and this is no exception!

I have a sister and would have been just as happy as an only child. My sister and I have almost nothing in common beyond the gene pool. For all the time we actually spent playing together, we might as well have both been only children.

My daughter is a grown only child and she has told me that she is glad she was an only child.

Loved being an only child. Never wished for siblings. Not lonely... Because friends are the family we choose. ☺

I was far more mature than my friends that had siblings. I was always treated like an adult would want to be treated. I was never handed everything. On the contrary... I helped the family when it was needed instead of bickering about who's turn it was to do [insert said task here].

I learned to be self-sufficient. I learned to be happily alone which made my relationships people better because I wasn't dependant on their company.

Only not always lonely! I am an only child (and have an only child) and have never wished for a sibling and am still fine with not having one. Even though my parents drive me crazy some time : ) I have a husband and a daughter and several great friends that I can depend on and that depend on me. I really think it depends on personality and how you raise her. I am and always have been independent but with a strong bond to my parents. I have developed strong relationships with people and have lifelong friends so I don't feel like as though I am missing anything in not having siblings. My husband really liked the idea of one and I wasn't so sure because of the same things you mention. We have a small family but he has a brother that is about 5 years old and they are like night and day...not that they don't get a long but they are so different they hardly interact except for holidays. Let me be clear that I admire big families and the enate comradery that many siblings I know have. And about the hardships of caring for elderly parents...well that usually falls on one of the siblings anyway and if you plan ahead for your retirement and future she won't have to struggle with that.
I can see our only daughter already into being an only. She's three so she knows about siblings and says she doesn't want one. She says she wants it to be just her. Already spoiled from our attention and love but I am just fine with that : )
There is no such thing is only-child syndrome it's been debunked. Check out this article that was a cover story on Time magazine last year - http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,###-###-...
Also there is a good blog out of the UK with all kinds of good info.
http://www.onlychild.org.uk/
Best wishes.

We have an only child, daughter, 16, by choice and NO regrets.

You'll get people telling you about only child syndrome, spooled brats, blah blah.

There are plenty of spoiled brats with siblings.

We are happy with our family. Very stable emotionally and financially. We are huge communicators about anything and everything. Our daughter has our drive, initiative, and work ethic.

She knows we support her 100% and will. We have no regrets and if you ask her.... She never wanted a sibling.

She won't be left to carry a burden with us. We are planners and all that is planned out.

As for having a child for the benefit of the other is playing with fire. I have a brother 6 yrs younger. Nothing in common, never close. I can't believe we are siblings because we are so different.

You have to do what is right for you and not worry about what others say. It's your family.

I enjoyed being an only child. I got all the love, affection and attention. My parents were careful not to spoil me and I think I turned out pretty good. :) I have always been super close with them, no doubt partly because I was their only one.
Also, as I got older they were able to extend quite a bit of financial help to me. People say money doesn't mean anything, but it sure has been wonderful to have college paid for and help with buying a house. Not that others with more than one child can't afford to do those things. But in these times, it's getting tougher and tougher....
I'm not worried about taking care of my parents by myself as they get older. In most families, one child ends up shouldering most of the burden anyway, it seems. And I won't really be alone...my husband loves my parents and I know he'll be super supportive of whatever needs to be done, up to and including moving my folks in with us if necessary.
Now, there were a couple of negatives...I did feel quite smothered as a teen. ALL of my mom's focus was on me, it really was a teeny bit unhealthy...but I think part of that was doubtlessly the fact that she'd been a SAHM since she'd been pregnant with me, and was having trouble transitioning to me getting older and not needed her 24/7 presence as much. And, my father was very h*** o* me....he had super high expectations as to my school work and whatnot and I think part of that had to do with, again, ALL the focus being on me since I had no siblings. Just something to keep in mind.
Personally, I do want at least one more child (I have one toddler son), but not because I disliked being an only child...I simply want more kids because, well, I want them, LOL, and I feel we have enough time and money for it.
Hope that helps. Best wishes, your child is blessed to have YOU as her mom either way. :)

Asking adults about their childhood is going to give you weird biases. People rewrite history as they live it.

Let me say this, I knew I had to have a third baby when my first two started playing together. They laugh out loud together a bunch of times every day. They are going to have a fun-filled childhood because they have 24-7 playmates. They so want another playmate around. In fact, they would be very disappointed if we stopped having children. I think most young children feel this way. The teen years are another story, but in terms of carefree childhood days, the more the merrier if you ask me.

Will you take a comment from someone with a sibling? Having a sibling "so my child won't be lonely" is a huge gamble. There is zero guarantee that siblings will have any interests in common or values in common, and zero guarantee that they will even like each other. Sure, with good parenting they should get along and learn to appreciate each other, but that does not necessarily mean that they'll be each others' support through life after you're gone. If you truly want another child for THAT new child's own sake, that's great. But if you're thinking mostly in terms of providing a playmate, then a friend, for your first child, that is not a reason to have a second child. Having one can be wonderful, and most only children I know -- my own included -- are outgoing and make an effort to make and keep friends, more so than some kids who have plenty of siblings. That's what I've witnessed, at least.

I am not an only child I have two brothers. And my husband has two sisters and a brother so we have a large extended family. One of my husbands sisters had a baby when her daughter was about 7. The kids had nothing in common. And they still don't. If you are going to have another one don't wait till they will be too far apart to never have anything in common. Or get used to being the only child. Now my sil likes it cause she has a baby sitter but it's h*** o* the oldest!

Good luck with what ever you decide and God Bless!

I'm an only child and I'm 41. The only time I ever recall wanting a sibling was when I went to kindergarten and most everyone else had one. It was a fleeting desire! It's not that way anymore either -there are a lot of only children out there these days! I have wonderful friends who are like brothers and sisters to me - many I've known for almost 20 years. When my mother died two years ago, they did so much for me -far more supportive than I've seen many siblings be. I also know a number of people who either can't stand their siblings or ard just perpetually aggravated by them. Remember -you get to choose your friends! I've never been lonely either. Life is largely what you make it -and having siblings guarantees nothing. Only have a child if YOU and your husband want another! Onlies are great! We get all of our parents and often many extra opportunities like travel, extra curricular activities, etc. I have two boys, and I hope they'll be close always, but who knows? As much as I dearly love both of them, I could also have been happy with one. I don't have a bunch of extended family around either in my age range, so my kids have very few cousins that are even children. If you decide to not have more, just keep your one involved in activities and playdates and different groups. One thing my parents usually did for me when going to amusement parks or the beach or something was to let me bring a friend. We had so much fun! Just do what YOU want -don't do it so she'll have a sibling. Good luck!

I do not regret only having one child. My son says he wouldn't have it any other way.
Just because you have siblings doesn't guarantee you won't be "alone". I have two older brother's that are 13 and 15 years older than me. I haven't seen them or spoke to them in about 4 years. They hated my existance growing up because I took time away from them and their own children. My husband is the oldest child and has a sister that is 7 years younger he doesn't speak to because of her way of living. His youngest brother is 17 years younger and I see the flip side of the very arguement from my family. It's a toss...

I'm an only. When I was a kid, I loved being an only child. I think I also have the personality that's compatible with being an only. As an adult , who also has a very small extended family, I wish I had a sibling.

I have a sister whose 22 months younger than me.
My Mom said she didn't want me to be lonely.
Turned out my sister and I have always been totally incompatible and we've been fighting and pulling each others hair for 48 years.
I wished I was an only child.
Sometimes a sibling is nothing but pure torture.

My Mom's cousin was the youngest of 5 children.
She's in her 70's, never married and all the rest are gone a long time now.
Having siblings is no guarantee for life long companionship.

Being siblings doesn't necessarily mean being close, I know of many who don't even speak to each other. I guess it depends how you raise them and what heppens in their life..anyways, if you choose to have the other one make sure you can raise both equally well and to be fair to them when they disagree. Personally I think having a sibling can be a real asset, but it depends by what the children grow up to be. If you and hubby can provide a loving, stable, supportive family, i don't see why your children should not grow up to be "friends" but, again, it's not a given. I say go for it if you feel it's the right choice for you.

I have one... Currently reading The Case for the Only Child by Susan Newman, PhD.... provides some good food for thought...

I'm not an only, but my 2 of my 3 sisters and I never got along. Our aging mother's needs fall mostly upon me and my husband, and on top of that, the two sisters who like me least ask me for financial support.

I'm not "alone," though. I have an amazing husband, daugther, son-in-law and grandson, and a "chosen" family of well-matched friends for emotional support. This is also the pattern among the onlies I have known growing up.

So, please don't make a baby to be a companion or helper to your daughter. It's not fair to the new life, who should be welcomed into the family for it's own sake. In my observation, only maybe half of siblings like each other, and an older child often feels obliged to sacrifice for the baby.

My daughter was an only, and she mostly loved the experience. Now she has chosen to stop with her happy and well-socialized little boy, going on 6, who is quite clear about wanting to remain an only child. His life is well-balanced between play dates, school, and terrific one-on-one time with parents and extended family.

You can't miss what you never had. My daughter was an only child until about 13. SHe hated the idea of a little snot monster moving in. But now, 5 yrs later, they are the light of her life. I wish I'd had them sooner, but yes, they will be close long after I'm gone.
I have 3 brothers. I love thier kids so much. And the wives are my best friends. Those 3 brothers mean I have 11 more people in the world that I love and get to call family. My parents are gone and I don't know what I'd do without my brothers.

I'm 44 and an only child. My cousins are all in CA and I only see them and their kids every few years. I have 2 kids and a step dtr. My kids don't have anyone else. I only have my mom now that my grandparents and uncle are gone. Once my mom is gone, I won't have anyone but my hubby and kids. I'm glad you are thinking about her future because most parents don't. I hate being an only child and not having much family. I hope you consider having another. Good luck!

You do what is best for you and your husband.

I have 3 siblings and we had our ups and down growing up and still do..but it is wonderful knowing they are there. We have great times with all our kids together at family gatherings.

My mom was an only child and she looks back with such sadness that she didn't have siblings. SHe is alone now because her parents have passed away. WHen they passed...she dealt with the grief alone and all the estate issues alone. Now her health is failing and she looks to us for her support and care...which we do gladly. But it is another time in her life where she realizes she is alone.

Kids for the most part are self centered and want to please their parents. To ask a child if they like being an only child will not give you a mature and honest opinion. As a child I desperately wanted to be an only child...but merely out of selfish reasons. I wanted all the attention and thought financially our family would be better off. Oh...how selfish I was. But that is from the eyes of a child. Now that I am grown I am so glad I had siblings to fight and play with. As an adult I am glad I have siblings. I do add though that I have closer relationships with friends than I do with my siblings. I agree with the phrase that friends are family we choose.

Good luck and best wishes with what you and your hubby decide!!

Well I am biased. I have 2 sisters and I have three kids. You have to do what's best for you. There is nothing wrong with an only child. I love having three. Some only want one or two or none at all. I personally think it would be great if you could have another but again your decision :)

I am an only child and yes I always wished I had siblings. I felt left out of the "family" goings on that other children complained about. I wanted that sibling relationship, even if it was to fight. I had nothing to compare it to, so I never really knew what it was all about. As an adult I really miss not having a sibling. I would love to have a sister/brother to just chat with or connect with. I lost my mom in my early twenty's and her and my dad had divorced when I was 6yrs old. So ALL of the arrangements, details, initial expenses, etc. were all on me. My dad was there to comfort me, but my mom was my best friend. I was lost for many years with out her. You have to love and want another baby, but as an only child there were a ton of lonely times. You can't always take a friend on vacation, or to the movies or to the carnival or amusement park. A friend is not always available to go ride bikes while mom is making dinner. We all like to think that is not an issue you can always bring a friend, but the reality is it is not always workable with schedules of other families. Plus as a parent, it is difficult to foster a sibling relationship when you never had one.

My husband was an only child. Taking care of his parents' home after they died was mostly put onto me and not having help was a BEAR!!! He has no family now - his mother was an only child too. He doesn't have family to be close to. I, on the other hand, only have 1 brother, but we're very close and have lots of aunts, uncles, and cousins to surround ourselves with whenever we need/want to.

After being around my MIL and my husband, I knew I NEVER wanted an only child. They both are/were extremely self centered. Don't know if it had anything to do with being an only, but I wasn't taking ANY chances!!! :)

I just wanted to share my perspective from watching how much my oldest daughter has developed as a person from having 2 younger siblings. She has become so much more patient, she's learned to take someone else's feelings into consideration besides her own, she's learned to share, (something she had no clue about before her little sister came along), she's learned how to give and take, win and lose. In short, her personality has developed in so many important ways for making her successful in her future life, in the work place, in future family relationships, as a future mom, etc because of interacting with siblings. I would completely have short-changed her if she'd been an only child. My dad was an only child and didn't have a clue how to interact with people in a family relationship--he was used to being by himself a fair amount and with friends so he's had to work super hard to develop close relationships with all of us. I also see how incredibly grateful my oldest is for her little sister, she's so lonely when she's not around and they can play for hours together in their little make-believe world. Also I feel that it gives them security to grow up together...that's just my perspective!