October 19, 2006,
S.A. asks from Wagoner, OK on October 15, 2006
Miscarriage - Tulsa,OK
I recently miscarried at 10 weeks of pregnancy. I was curious if anyone could give me some advice on how to deal with this pain. I break down everyday, but I feel like I am doing everything I'm supposed to. I talk about the baby with my husband and I try to get all of my emotions out, but it isn't enough. Any advice?
So What Happened?™
I could have never imagined such a wonderful outpouring of support from all of you. This is my very first post on here. It really helps to here everyone else's stories and know that I am not alone. I have been depressed these past few weeks, but everytime I read a response I feel better. This is the worst thing that I have ever had to deal with and on top of this I have so many more stresses in my life. I am struggling to remember that I am worth something and that I can do anything. Thank you all so much for your kind words, and even though you are all strangers, you have a special place in my heart and thoughts.
A.F. answers from Tulsa on October 16, 2006
First off I am so very sorry about your loss. I know it doesn't help to hear the words " I know how you feel" But I really do. My husband and I have lost 3 babies in the last year and a half, the last one having to have a double D&C, and have been unable to become pregnant again.
Take it one day at a time. That's all you can do, I thought I would never stop crying. But eventually I did. I describe my self as being a mother of two, but really I have 5 children, just 3 of them are in heaven. I don't know if you are religious or not, but it helps me to not forget them.
I have a memory box hidden in my room. I have proof of pregnancies from my doctor, ultrasound pictures, pregnancy journals, everything that helps me remember. It really does help to just stop and take a minute to remember and cry every now and then. What ever helps you, go with it.
I am sorry I have rambled on so much, if you ever need someone to talk to, plase let me know, we can exchange e-mail addy's.
M.R. answers from Tulsa on October 16, 2006
I suffered a miscarriage back in January. I was around 9 weeks pregnant at the time. It was one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with!!! I too would break down on a daily basis and it seemed everywhere I looked it was babies & pregnant women, not to mention that alot of my friends were pregnant at the sametime as I was. One of my friends was due the day before I was. So that was a constant reminder as to what I had lost. I will tell you that it does get easier with each passing day!! Continue to talk with your husband, and realize that you suffered a loss!! I felt crazy for feeling so horrible & down for someone that I never had met or had in my life and I had only been pregnant for such a short amount of time, but after talking it over with my Dr. I realized that it was a HUGE loss and we do need to grieve!! Everyone is different and grieves in their own ways, but I will tell you that today I am soooo much better! There are few days that I dont think about what I lost(my friend that was due the day before I was has now had her baby and I still havent been able to go and see her).
I hope that this may have helped you!! Just take each day as it comes!!!!!
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D.T. answers from Tulsa on October 16, 2006
I am so sorry for your loss. Talking about it really does help, although men sometimes just don't get the loss and can recover in days. There are a few places to go to share the same feelings. WebMD has a message board called Pregnancy:Coping with Loss where you can be there and depend on women who have experienced this as well. They do have some finicky rules there like not mentioning living children or your plans to try again even announcing you are pregnant again can ruffle some feathers, so if you don't feel supported there don't get disheartened. Yahoo has a few mommies groups that have a spin off for moms trying to get by while dealing with the pain.
After my loss in 2001 I sought the help of a proffessional. Jeri Fritz down town was really nice. The greatest advice I got was from a nun at the hospital after I had my ectopic. She suggested I name the baby (acutally all my lost babies) and then they could pray for them in a special service they have every year. It's coming up I think. If you don't feel like this would be appropriate then you could have the same kinda ceremony privately.
I know several women that blog, or create websites dedicated to their babies, sharing names, details and celebrations of how you felt in those few short weeks.
Physical recovery depends on your loss. Each type of loss takes a different recovery and no one is the same as the last just as every pregnancy is different.
Feel free to write me directly when you need to talk. Again I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I will right more later.
A.W. answers from Tulsa on October 19, 2006
Grieving is a process and you will go through different steps. There is denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. What you have gone through AND still going through is not easy. Talking about the baby is good. As long as you are getting it out then you are healing everyday. There is no set time as to how long it will take. Trust me when I say this. I am still feel sad about my losses at times and mine happened about 8 years ago. You will be just fine. It takes time and prayer. My prayers will be with you that God will give you the strength to heal. Blessings to you.
J.L. answers from Wichita on October 15, 2006
I was 12 weeks pregnant when I miscarried in May of 2002. The pain never really goes away. Talking about it helps. Also stop to think that there might have been a birth defect that would have harmed the child. That is the way I was told to look at it. There will be other children. Maybe God was just trying to tell you that he wasn't ready for you to have another one yet. If you need to talk e-mail me at ____@____.com will be in my prayers. It took myself 4 years to get pregnant again.