8 answers

Lazy Daughter

MY DAUGHTER IS 12YRS OLD ABOUT TO BE 13YRS AND SHE IS SO LAZY. I CAN NEVER GET HER TO HELP OUT AROUND THE HOUSE. SHE HAS CHORES TO DO EVERYDAY. ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS UNLOAD THE DISHWASHER AND RELOAD AND CLEAN HER ROOM. I HAVE TO TELL HER OVER AND OVER TO DO THEM AND THE ONLY WAY USUALLY I DO GET HER TO DO THE DISHES IS WHEN I THREATEN THAT SHE CAN'T DO SOMETHING. BUT EVEN THAT DON'T WORK ALL THE TIME. SHE JUST SHRUGS HER SHOULDERS. SHE NEVER CLEANS HER ROOM. SHE ALWAYS LEAVES HER THINGS LAYING EVERYWHERE. I KEEP TELLING HER I'M NOT HER MAID. ALL SHE WANTS TO DO IS LAY AROUND AND WATCH TV AND SIT ON THE COMPUTER. WELL SHE CAN'T GO ON THE COMPUTER BECAUSE I TOOK THAT AWAY.ALSO I HAVE TO FIGHT WITH HER TO TAKE A SHOWER EVERYDAY.I AM A VERY CLEAN PERSON AND SO ARE THE REST OF MY KIDS SO I DON'T UNDERSTAND. EVEN MY SON 13YRS HELP ME ALL THE TIME. HE HELPS ME WITH THE OTHER KID,CLEANING,COOKING (SOMETIMES).IS THIS NORMAL FOR A 12YR. GIRL?PLEASE IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS HELP!!!!!!!!!

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE FOR THERE HELP AND TO LET SOME OF YOU KNOW I AM TAKING YOUR ADVICE AND GOING TO TAKE ALL HER PRIVLEGES AWAY.SHE WILL HAVE TO EARN THINGS BACK SLOWLY.I WILL LET EVERYONE KNOW HOW THINGS ARE GOING THANKS AGAIN.

Featured Answers

This is sooooo normal. Do you wash her clothes cook all of her meals, etc.? Tell her If she doesn't do her required chores, She's going to have to wash her own clothes. This is one of the few chores my 14 yr old will do. That way at least she's doing something. Besides clothes and looks are very important at this age. So is the phone and/or internet. Believe me, if her favorite clothes aren't clean, she will freak! Hope this helps. L. H P.S. If she won't clean her room, close the door and walk away. Let her live in the filth. My daughter finally got sick of it and cleans her room now!

More Answers

My daughter started this sort of behavior at around 13 and she is now 16 and worse than ever. I have tried chore charts, paying her, giving extra privelages, withdrawing privelages, begging, only noticing the positive, complimenting her every day, spending extra time one on one, counseling, ect, ect, ect.
She only takes a shower once a week, and I don't think she washes her body with anything even then. She lays around on her bed and then pulls all the bedding off onto the floor and sleeps on the bare mattress. Her room is knee deep in clothes, trash and stale food. I am way beyond the point of desperation.
I wish I had been meaner when she was younger, but I took everyone's advice and figured she would grow out of it.
I would take away any privelages your daughter may have, computer, television, telephone. She goes to school, she comes home, she eats and sleeps. Anything else needs to be earned.
A single parent is out there working to provide for her kids, and the kids need to realize that they have to give something back.
Good luck, I hope you don't still have this problem four years from now.

1 mom found this helpful

Do you remember what you were like at 12 or 13? I know I do! You have to realize that she is going through alot right now, puberty is setting in; she's attempting to gain independence. This takes a toll on some kids, physically as well as mentally.

You have to realize too, that every child is different. Some (girls especially) have a really hard time when they hit 11-14. It sounds likes shes rebelling a little bit by knowing that your a very clean person and she's deciding to go to the other extreme. Give her a few years and a little space and she will become more mature and outgrow her attitute.

I know it may be hard right now but believe me, this too will pass. Don't ruin your relationship with your daughter in the long term over something so trival in the short term.

Just some advice from a psyc. grad student with 4 girls...

This is sooooo normal. Do you wash her clothes cook all of her meals, etc.? Tell her If she doesn't do her required chores, She's going to have to wash her own clothes. This is one of the few chores my 14 yr old will do. That way at least she's doing something. Besides clothes and looks are very important at this age. So is the phone and/or internet. Believe me, if her favorite clothes aren't clean, she will freak! Hope this helps. L. H P.S. If she won't clean her room, close the door and walk away. Let her live in the filth. My daughter finally got sick of it and cleans her room now!

i am a single mom of 3 girls 15,10,7
i am a laid back mom but set time levels for chores
6:30 am i leave for the babysitter
4:30 pm supper
5:00 pm clean kicthen
7:00 pm homework
8:00 pm bathes/showers/clean rooms up dirty luandry in hall pile for mom
9:30 pm bedtime
this seems to work try it

I would suggest getting your daughter involved in a sport. Sports will teach discipline and responsibility. Also, you might want to turn off the cable TV for awhile until things get better. The next time she wants to do something, tell her that first, you all need to do some cleaning around the house. If you make it a group thing, she might be more likely to participate.

Hi, you are a brave single mom! I only have one but the only thing I can think of is to set up some alone time for you to spend with your daughter. If she sees you are mking time to get to know her personally she may want to get to know you too. Find out what she likes and involve yourself in it too. I know it is hard to divide time but it could help her realize you need her help and she may be more willing if it seems like a partenership and not just orders. Hope I helped a little. M.

I have two (soon to be) step daughters that are 10 and 11. The 11 yr old helps me out with everything and usually gets her chores done really fast. The 10 year old is a different story. She sounds JUST like your daughter. I think it might just be their personality. I get so frustrated, but it doesn't seem to matter. She is the best child... never disrespectful, but just doesn't want to do anything. I wish I had a better answer, but it sounds like maybe she is just going to be that way. I am always looking for ways to deal with this and make sure my 7 week old doesn't have the same traits lol. Best of luck!

Hi A.,
My name is J. and I have a duaghter who is 15 and I believe this is due to her age. She is rebelling for some reason. I cant tell u what but I bet she is. I think she will be this way for a while it is the teeange girl syndrome I have been dealing with it for years. I have an older son also and he does it all too. Maybe she is hurting and hiding away from reality she needs to get involved in other things to make her social. This will help.

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