66 answers

I Need an Outside Opinion on a Disagreement Between My Husband and Me.

Hi ladies, my husband and I are having a heated disagreement about his possible purchase of a motorcycle and I'm wondering what all other Moms would think. My husband is hoping to purchase a $2-3,000 used motorcycle using part of our tax return and part of his bonus check from work. We are a young family (I'm 27); I still have to finish college and we are paying his student loan every month. While I'm not against him having a bike for a hobby, I feel like right now is not the appropriate time to spend the extra money. We have a 7 year old with an expensive hobby and 1 year old twins. Hubby thinks it's not a big deal to make this one-time purchase, saying it will be his stress outlet and it's something he's always wanted. I understand his need for an outside hobby because I really need one too, (I'm new to the area, haven't made any friends yet and stay home with the kids) but think he needs to choose something less expensive for now. I feel like any extra money we have should go into savings, paying off his student loan, and to save for my tuition so I can finally go to nursing school to help our family become more financially secure. We went to bed last night still arguing about this and I'm wondering who agrees with me and who agrees with my husband? Hopefully we can find a compromise, but this is a tough one for either of us to give up :(

ADDED: So far, I'm really appreciating all the answers, thank you! I should add that the financial aspect is what is bothering me, not the fact that he will be out of the house with his hobby. I think every person needs an outlet outside of the home! Our problem is that we don't have money in savings and we live paycheck to paycheck for the most part. I have read Dave Ramsey and feel like we should be putting our money into the bank for security for the family and for our future! I wish we were more financially secure right now because I would love for my hubby to have this bike and not worry as much about $$. The expensive hobby my son does (he races BMX) is due to and enjoyed by my husband, so it's not like my son is having all the fun in place of my hubby, it's something they enjoy together.

What can I do next?

More Answers

i feel for your husband. it's hard to be a young dad and give up all the fun things of being a young man because you've got a family and need to be responsible. that's a big switch for most guys.
but you're right. it's not just the expense of the bike, it's the insurance that will come along with it.
he should get his bike. but not until the student loans are paid off. maybe you can compromise, and agree to let him get a bike when his loans are paid off but before you start nursing school?
and be understanding. it's okay for him to want this, he's not selfish. but i do think your conclusion is the right one.

6 moms found this helpful

You both have a good arguement. Hard to say which would be better for you. If you didnt get the bonus and the tax return life would be going just as it is, right? One thing I've learned as I've gotten older is that when you do get some unexpected money such as a gift or a bonus, you should spend it on yourself rather than paying bills with it. I regret now all the times G. sent me a couple of hundred in a Christmas or birthday card and I used it to buy groceries or pay off something...... that exra cash was meant to be enjoyed not used for something like bills that will be with you ALWAYS anyway.
There is NEVER a good time to buy something like a motorcycle and never a good time to pay off a loan either. The bike will give your hubby something to do and they do get great gas mileage. Maybe he could put a thousand down and make payments and you could put a thousand towards your loan debt and compromise that way?
If he doesnt get the bike it will just make him resent working and not being able to have some pleasure from his toil.
I'd let him get it, but I'd worry every time he slipped his helmet on and rode out of the driveway tho :)

6 moms found this helpful

I say support him getting the bike. I know what your saying does make logical sense, but it will be something he can tinker on in the garage when he needs to get away and a happy husband pays dividends in the end! Plus, if you support one of his more frivolous needs, he will probably be open to support something you want to do in the future. If there is money for it, it won't actually put a strain on your family, I think it will be better to support him in it. Otherwise he'll likely resent it and think on it alot even if he tries to shove it down. It is a big purchase, true, but maybe down the road when you want xyz thing, the bike will pay off for you!! :D Of course in the end, you guys should do whatever you both agree on, but if it were me, I would go with it bc my man doesn't ask for much so when he does I try to make sure it happens. Good luck!!! Hope it gets worked out soon!

5 moms found this helpful

You might try it from another angle.

We have a "windfall money policy" instituted about 2 years ago which REALLY helped negate a lot of the resentment that both of us had towards each other.

Windfall money gets split in half.

1st 1/2... gets split in half again and half for my husband and half for myself.
2nd 1/2... gets split into 1/4s. 1/4 for savings, 1/4 for bills, 1/4 for our son's savings, 1/4 for home improvements.

Of our "halves" my husband and I each have total free rein over. We can spend it or save it as we wish/choose

4 moms found this helpful

the gas he saves will pay for the bike in time. :) but your both right. :)

4 moms found this helpful

Hmm...so your 7 year-old gets to have an expensive hobby but your husband doesn't? I'm afraid I'm siding with your husband on this. A bonus check is a bonus, and life goes by fast, and there is always something practical to spend our money on.

I would instead talk with him about what having this motorcycle would mean to him and to the family. Would he ride it to work? Would he expect to ride it for hours on the weekends while you are home? Would he want to go on trips with it, alone? Or would it fit into your lives with not much change in routine for you and the kids? What are the ongoing expenses/savings of having the bike and how does that fit in your budget?

Then, if he gets a hobby, what hobby are you going to take up? You have the option, too, to have an activity that is just for you.

4 moms found this helpful

I think its selfish for him to want to spend that much money soley on himself right now while your trying to raise a young family. My husband recently wanted to buy a $5000 four wheeler. Im pregnant with my third kid, I have been at a loss with my business for the past 3 years and he is on the verge on being laid off. Finally after fighting about it, I said "FINE" You use your own common sense and judgement and if this is something you really feel like you NEED to do right now, then do it, but I hope you are loving that damn four wheeler when you get laid off and we cant pay our house payment. No, its selfish!

I personally think its whats wrong with the ecomony today, people buying things they dont need, while not being able to afford the things they do. Makes me crazy!!

3 moms found this helpful

Honestly, if it will bump his attitude positively, and it's a one-time big purchase (doesn't need an extra couple of hundred dollars to fix up)... let him go for it. Just this one time. Then, whenever he wants to buy something else you don't need, tell him to take a ride. He'll stop whining and love you to pieces for 'allowing' him to get it. Who's to say you won't even get enough back for it? I would support him on this one... think of it as an IOU... he will definately owe you after this one. It also kind of sounds like you resent him for coming up with a hobby when you don't have one for yourself. I get like that. And I know that there are better ways to spend the money (there will ALWAYS be a better way to spend the money)... but sometimes you have to give a little to get a lot. I hope that makes sense. I've struggled with this exact same situation in the past with my fiance and a 3 wheeler... but you know what? The second money got tight, he sold the 3 wheeler, and I hadn't even brought it up. Just support him on this one. I know I'm playing devils advocate, but... I think once he's happy, you'll be happy... and like I said, he'll owe you one, BIGTIME!!

3 moms found this helpful

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