Does This Mean Anything?

Updated on January 24, 2012
L.L. asks from Altamonte Springs, FL
28 answers

I looked at the history on my computer. My boyfriend lives with me and shares my computer. I saw he searched for his ex girlfriend on facebook. They're not friends on FB and I looked at her page and it's private (has a picture of her, a small boy and a man (I'm assuming husband/boyfriend and son) - I fight jealousy ALLL the time. I hide it and think rationally , like if it's not meant to be it won't be and vice versa. But, him looking up an ex ... on FB, that doesn't mean anything right?

What can I do next?

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☆.H.

answers from San Francisco on

Eh, sometimes when I am bored I google people I used to know from High School and College just to see what they are up to.

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K..

answers from Phoenix on

Honestly, we have no idea!

If you have a loving, trustworthy relationship where you communicate normally, then I would think you would be able to ask him about it without anyone getting upset.

Although, my question is, why were looking through the history? I honestly never do that, because I have nothing to look for. Are there trust issues there?

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D..

answers from Charlotte on

I don't think it means anything. But your jealousy is an issue. If you don't work that out, it will hurt your relationship.

Dawn

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

It probably doesn't mean anything.
Or it means he was curious about her.
Or he was looking for her email/tel # to give her a buzz to break up her family and win her back!
And it might mean he's not bright enough to delete the history.
Or it might mean it all meant so little to him that he didn't feel it was necessary to delete the history.
Who knows? Oh--he does. Ask him.
Then you'll know if it was nothing or something. :)

Seriously, jealousy is about the most useless and relationship-deteriorating emotion on the planet. Get it resolved now and vow NEVER to be "the jealous type" again. I know some people think jealousy is flattering, but really, it's just insecurity and small minded.

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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

No -I've looked up all of my exes on FB, and I'm sure my husband has too! For me it was just a curiosity thing.

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V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

Doesn't mean a thing. If that is all he did. He probably was just curious. And may have even regretted it after doing it. No big deal. Unless you notice him suddenly hiding his text messages and making calls on the sly and .... You get the picture. ;)

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

In and of itself? Nope. Add in flirtatious emails, deleted history, scanning dating sites, etc... and yeah. That's a problem. But in and of itself? Pshaw. ((Sort of like coming home from work late is no big deal. Coming home from work late with lipstick on your chest and smelling of sex is a big deal.))

I look up people all the time.

I'm FB friends &/or real life friends with a lot of my exes.

Not looking to date them. Not flirting with them. Not meeting or messaging them in secret.

I care about the people from my past, and I'm idly curious how some acquaintances from back when are doing.

Many of the people from my 'past' are still around in my present. We're friends. In 11 years, I've never cheated on my husband. But I CERTAINLY look people up, chat with people, get to know husbands and wives, and get together with friends. Just human interaction. Nothing beyond that.

Being a mom, I don't have a lot of time to get bored (lonely happens a lot, though), but when I do (or it's the middle of the night and I can't call anyone to catch up), the internet is open 24/7. It's never anything I've hidden, but I also don't go around telling people the minutia of my day. If someone said something funny or in other ways something interesting/shareable, or I was going to be meeting up with someone, I let my husband know. I never delete my search history, he was always welcome to scan it. I know I certainly do/did.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

No it doesn't always mean anything.
Haven't you ever wondered about your Ex's???
I think most people do.

People, can be friends with their Ex's.
I am.
My Husband is.
So what.
BECAUSE, my Husband tells me everything and does not hide anything because, I am not a "jealous" woman. He knows that. Hence he knows he can tell me things like that and I won't freak out. He trusts me as I do him.
That is the bottom line.

Even if I found something out about my Husband I know I can also ask him about it. Point blank. And he can do that to me too.
That is how we are.

People live their lives and have had a life, prior to being with you.
You cannot possibly, be "jealous" about his entire life, before you.

If you cannot be open with him and he with you, then what?
Jealousy is either, justified or not.
But is unnecessary.

Maybe your Boyfriend doesn't tell you things, because he knows you are a Jealous type. Even you know you have a jealousy problem.
People generally, do NOT like telling Jealous people, anything. They avoid that person or from telling them things.

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A.M.

answers from New York on

No doesn't mean anything other than he was curious. I have looked at my ex boyfriends page- and his wife's (who I know from high school) I was just curious. Nothing more.

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Nope, I've looked up all sorts of people from the past - curiosity.

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K.G.

answers from San Diego on

I've looked up all my ex's (don't tell my hubby lol) but not for any particular reason just cause I'm curious. I've never friend requested them or had the urge to. Also, I have NO desire to even talk to any of them.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I want to see how time has been unkind to them and really nice to me. I found a guy I had a crush on in High School and he looks like an old man, me? I am young compared to how he looks. It's natural curiosity.

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K.M.

answers from Denver on

Probably doesnt mean anything. He was probably just curious. I get curious too, even if I have no desire to talk to a certain person again.

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Haven't YOU ever looked up any ex's on FB? I have, and so has my husband, we are curious and we talk about it.
Just ask him about it. Your jealousy comes from your own insecurity, so that's something YOU need to work on, for yourself.
If he's hiding or lying about something, well then that's a bigger issue...

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

It may not mean a thing! I'm looking up long-lost people all the time, just because their names suddenly come to mind. (Most of the time I don't find them.) But why not ask? It's OK to be curious about people, but it's not OK to follow up on a past relationship without checking with the person of the present relationship (that goes for you, too).

If you find you can't believe the answer your boyfriend gives you, then that's another problem.

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E.M.

answers from Kansas City on

only one person can answer that question for you, so if you want to know for sure you are going to have to ask. I have looked up exes on FB before, just idle curiosity to see what they were up to/how they were doing. nothing came of it, i did NOT want anything to come of it. but only he can tell you why he was looking her up.

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A.F.

answers from Houston on

I wouldn't worry about it. I've looked up ex's just to see how they're doing and what's going on with their lives. It's not about "reconnecting."

If you're concerned, keep a watchful eye on it, but don't WORRY - I'm sure it's innocent.

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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

Curiosity killed the cat. That goes for the both of you.

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N.N.

answers from Detroit on

Depends on where you are in your relationship, only he knows what it means but what does your gut tell you. Bring it out in the open by casually mentioning it & you may can tell by his response or his non response. It may mean nothing at all only that he was being nosey.

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J.S.

answers from Hartford on

Seriously? Haven't you ever looked up a former boyfriend out of plain old curiosity? Wouldn't you be offended if your current boyfriend assumed that you wanted to get back together with a former boyfriend just because you gave in to that curiosity? Let it go. It means nothing.

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C.C.

answers from Houston on

I sure wouldn't take to kindly to it....and I hope you're not the one footing all the bills over there. Don't be used!

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S.Q.

answers from Bellingham on

I look up ex's because I'm curious. Honestly, I couldn't think of anything worse than being with them! I think it's normal to do this.

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J.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

I've done it, its harmless depending on intentions though. the bigger issue is it's never good to be untrusting and to look up history behind someones back. Is there a reason your gut is tellig you to not trust him? Maybe you should listen to it? Also if you're worried you should be open enough to tell him...hey I saw you looked at such and such and it upset M....but then you';d have to explain the fact you snooped??

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M.M.

answers from Fresno on

He may just be curious.....but keep an eye on him anyway...good luck!

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M.M.

answers from Minneapolis on

Out of curiosity I guess. As long as he doesn't keep visiting her page it should be ok.Since the page is private, you need not worry about him checking it again.
You should stop checking his browsing history behind his back, don't you think? ;) Jealousy is a bad thing. It can create problems when there isn't any. Trust him or if you think you can't blindly trust him,ask him directly. Only he can tell what's going on.

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C.W.

answers from Washington DC on

My husband has looked up his exes on facebook. He says he just wants to see what happened to them, what they look like , said it means nothing. I know he isn't contacting them. It bothered me for a while, but I guess it is normal to think about people from your past.

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

I'm so facebook challenged, I have to admit that I've looked for people from when I was a kid.
I didn't even know you could "chat" on facebook until recently.

I've definitely searched people from my past life, but not with the intention of it going any further.

When I realized you could search for people, I went search crazy.
It was like a new discovery.

Talk to your boyfriend. Maybe it's just the equivelant of "Googling" people to see what you find.
I think it's possible for it to be completely innocent.

Jealousy can get the best of you if you aren't careful.

Just my opinion.

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

L.:

There was a question earlier today from a W. who looked at her husband's history on the computer and found things that made her question him and whether she should be concerned. If you want - I will find it.

If you don't trust him - then in all honesty - there isn't much of a future for you. You wanted to find out instead of asking him. Are you afraid of the answer if you ask him directly why he would be looking up his ex? If so - let him go now.

Jealousy is a sign of insecurity. It doesn't make you look good. There was a post about jealousy over the weekend as well and some of the dad's/men chimed in that jealousy doesn't work for them. Find out why you are jealous or feel the need to be jealous. If it's from history - then you are laying at the new boyfriend's feet the transgressions of the one before him.

Some men use jealous in their favor...do things to instigate a fight. Others find it a turn off...it might mean nothing - it might mean something. ASK HIM. Be prepared for an answer you don't want - but COMMUNICATE with him!

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